Unfixable
by Foxy-Pancho
Summary: What if Sarah, Jack's estranged wife, was on the plane with him? Summary sucks... read it anyway! It's really sweet! COMPLETE!
1. Dinner for Two

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

FLASHBACK

Flickered. That's what the tiny flames still hanging on to the barely lit candles were doing. My eyes revealed my clear disappointment as they stared deep into the light. _He's not coming home_, my mind screamed. Ripping my gaze from the long-stemmed candles, my eyes fell to the rest of the immaculately set table. The plate across from me was still full of food, beginning to congeal after sitting out for so long. My plate was barely touched as well, the food pushed around, but not eaten. Willing myself not to cry, I glanced back at the clock on the kitchen wall- 11:35pm. I almost laughed, realizing that I'd sat there for over 4 hours, but it was replaced with extreme hurt. Rising, I left everything on the table, and, blowing out the candles, moved slowly upstairs. My hurt was quickly evaporating with each step, immediately filled with anger and frustration. By the time I reached the master bedroom, my cheeks felt flushed with rage. In a fluid motion, I jerked my wedding rings off and threw them across the bedroom floor with a scream. Suddenly overwhelmed, I collapsed to the edge of the bed, sobbing uncontrollably.

I woke up, startled, when I heard the front door open. Frowning, I glanced over at the glowing alarm clock, which read 4:23am. I rubbed my eyes, realizing I'd fallen asleep; they felt raw and puffy. I pushed myself off the bed just as Jack walked quietly into the bedroom. "Oh, hey…I didn't think you'd still be awake…" he stammered, tossing his suit coat over the back of a chair. Looking me over, still dressed in a cocktail dress, his eyes widened, aware of what had happened. "Sarah….I…I should've….I didn't realize…" "It's okay," I murmured, my voice laced with anger and sharp sarcasm, "It's the price you pay to be married to a miracle worker." I brushed past him as he pulled off his clothes, stripping down to his boxers. "Are you not coming to bed?" he asked, settling against the sheets. "I'm going to take a shower, then go clean up downstairs, and I'm…going out for a while," I stated dryly, moving quickly to the bathroom and slamming the door before Jack could open his mouth.

The hot, steamy water mixed with my salty tears as I cried silently in the shower. I was angry with Jack, but mostly with myself for letting him bother me. Finally turning the water off, I wrapped a towel around me and stepped out, freezing on the rug. Jack was sitting on the counter, staring remorsefully at me. "You should be in bed. You're back on rotation tomorrow morning," I quipped, moving deftly around him to get to the mirror. I never brought my gaze to him, afraid that I would cave if I did. "Sarah, I'm not going in tomorrow." "You have to, Jack. You're the ER spinal surgeon," I argued, running my fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry, Sarah," he said softly. I shook my head, slamming my hands down on the countertop, my frustration erupting. "For what, Jack! For not showing up for dinner- the dinner I'd planned for us since God knows how long? Or for not calling to tell me you weren't coming? Or is it for leaving me sitting at the dining room table for four hours while I waited for my husband to come home?" My voice broke, and hot tears flooded my eyes, splashing down my cheeks. "Sarah…" Jack soothed, circling me in his arms. I fought against him, not wanting his touch. "Jack, let me go! It's too much…It's just too much…" I screamed, pushing against his tight hold on me, but my emotions gave way to the tears, and I fell against him, sobbing into his bare chest. "It won't be too much. I'm going to fix this…I'm taking some time off, so we can get back to the way we used to be, when we first got married…I promise, Sarah," he whispered into my wet hair. "I promise you."

END FLASHBACK

A shiver woke me up, feeling groggy and completely disoriented. I felt water lapping against my thigh. Water? Forcing myself to sit up, my hands sunk into sand. Water and sand? I slowly looked around, letting my mind take in everything I was seeing. Smoke pummeled into the clear blue sky from the remains of what looked like our plane, now only pieces of crushed metal. People were everywhere; some screaming, some crying, some looked completely shocked. Reaching up to brush the sand from my face, my fingers slid across a thick, sticky liquid. _Damn, I'm bleeding, _I thought pressing against the cut with my palm. Rising, I realized that I was relatively uninjured. Then, I realized I was alone. A wave of panic rushed through me as I scanned the beach for Jack. _Why am I worried?_ _You're not with him anymore_, my mind called. Pushing that thought out of my head, I reached down and pulled my heels off, then bolted down the beach. "Jack!" I screamed, cupping my hands around my mouth to yell above the noise. "JACK!"

To be continued...

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	2. Manifests and Mantras

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

Breathing haggardly, I stopped running, doubling over at the sharp pains in my sides. _You've got to get in shape_, I thought, finally regaining my breath. Looking around, I still couldn't find Jack, and I'd been searching for hours. My eyes fell on the fuselage, precariously sitting in the sand. The thought had crossed my mind that he could be…dead, but I'd disregarded it immediately. But the reality was beginning to settle in. Swallowing, I walked quickly to the wreckage, wiggling my way inside. My body's first reaction was to hurl, at not only the horrible smell of decay and burned bodies, already smoldering in the extreme heat, but the sight alone. Bodies were scattered haphazardly around the plane, some still attached to their seats. Closing my eyes, I pushed the urge to puke down and stepped cautiously around the debris, looking at each mutilated person. And none of them were Jack. _Why couldn't you just be dead? It would've been easier…on both of us. _ Feeling my chest tighten with tears, I backed quickly out, only to run straight into something solid. I staggered back to my feet, whirling to face my opponent. Jack. "Sarah? What are you doing in here?" Jack asked, immediately scanning me over. "I…I…" My mouth couldn't form the words. I was so relieved to see him, embarrassed that I assumed him dead, and full of hatred for him not coming to look for me. The tension hung in air as we stood, staring at each other in silence. My face showed a cold relief, while Jack's was unreadable. He finally shattered the awkwardness. "You shouldn't be in here. You're hurt…let me look at it," he said, falling into 'Doctor Mode'. "I'm fine, Jack. Just…" I couldn't manage to say that I was relieved to see him okay; the anger was too much. Not finishing my sentence, I moved quickly past him, back out onto the beach. "Sarah!" he called, bolting out to follow me. I turned sharply to face him. "Do. Not. Come. After. Me." Leaving him, I walked away, unsure of where to even go. But my rage was overpowering every other emotion in me. _Why didn't he come looking for me? Did he not care if I was alive or dead? Wasn't he the one who didn't want the divorce in the first place?_ "Where you stormin' off to in such a hurry, sunshine?" I glanced over at the direction of the voice, my eyes falling on a lanky, well-built man with long, shaggy blond hair and a thick Southern drawl. "Excuse me?" I said, cocking my hands firmly on my hips. He grinned devilishly. "You. Wanderin' off towards the jungle of mystery, lookin' like hell warmed over." His snide remark oddly lifted my scowl, and a small smile crept on my face, releasing some of the tension I didn't realize I had been holding. "I'm not wandering. I know exactly where I'm going," I said defensively, but my face clearly showed my lie. "Yeah. Right. So Barbie, why don't you just sit down and we can…." "Barbie?" His grin widened. "You look like one, with those long legs and curves, and the blond hair…And ya look like a housewife…one of those with the apron who waits for the hubby to come home with a five-course meal ready and waitin'. Heard they have the best…," he mused, scanning me over and letting his facial expressions finish that sentence. "You're a…pervert," I said dismissively, shaking my head. "Name's Sawyer, cupcake," he said nodding to me. "Sarah. And I think I'll pass on that invite, thanks. But I'll take a rain check," I said smiling slyly. Something about him, I liked, even if his mind only worked on a one-way track. I turned, and finding an empty spot on the beach, I sat down, finally letting everything that had happened sink in. "Your head looks like it could use stitches. You might want to get the doctor on the island to look at it." I glanced up as a small, wiry girl dropped next to me. She had wild, curly dark hair and intense green eyes. "I think it's fine, but thanks anyway," I said softly, feeling extremely tired and worn all of a sudden. "You sure? I could go get him. I think his name's…I knew it just a second ago ." I smiled. "It's Jack. And I'm fine," I said. "You know him?" she asked, surprised. My mind raced for a response that didn't include, _he's my husband. We were getting a divorce, but we crashed here and we're still married._ "He sat next to me on the plane." She nodded, accepting my answer. "I'm Kate," she said extending her slender hand. "Sarah," I replied.

"Uh, excuse me! Hey!" I looked up from where I was sorting through bags, trying to find my stuff, to see a large, curly-headed guy waddling towards me. "What do you need…" I paused, unsure of his name. _Damn. We'd been here for a week, and I still couldn't remember people's names._ "Hurley." I smiled. "What do you need, Hurley?" "Well, I kind of decided to do this census thing to get to know everybody on the island, since we're kind of…like stranded here for a while, and I just needed a little information," he stated, shifting a notepad in his hand. "Okay, like what?" "Uh, your name?" "Sarah," I responded, and Hurley scanned the sheet, which I assumed was the manifest. "Sarah Shepherd? Are you related to that doctor, Jack? You were sitting next to him…" "He's…he's my husband," I said simply, staring down at the sand. "Really! Dude, that's like awesome! But why aren't you two together?" "We were getting a divorce," I said, my cheeks flushing bright red. "Oh. Sorry." He seemed flustered, like he was unsure of whether to continue. "Well, okay then. Thanks," he said hurriedly, moving quickly on to the next person. I watched Hurley go, a tiny pull tugging in my chest. _Don't feel bad for Jack, _my heart screamed. _You've felt bad long enough for him. You were moving on with your life, remember? You were happy to leave him. You're still angry with him. It's him with the loss, not you. _But, as I continued searching through luggage, I could not will my mind to move on to another subject. So, I began repeating _I hate Jack_ over and over in my head, like a mantra. _I hate Jack. I hate Jack. I hate Jack. _

In working up my anger by allowing the tape player to stay on repeat in my mind, I was able to get done the necessary chores of setting up some kind of shelter (with some help from a guy named Sayid) and finding some of my luggage without thinking of Jack. Finally changing out of the ridiculous and impractical black dress I was wearing on the plane into jeans and a tank top, and finally managing to put on tennis shoes instead of running around barefooted, I sunk down under the small tent I'd created. It was cozy, I guessed, and it was close to the central fire they were burning as a distress signal, which was ingenious on my part because I was never a girl scout and couldn't build a fire if my life depended on it. The sun was setting, creating a beautiful, serene picture over the glimmering water. "Uh…Sarah?" I raised my eyes to see Hurley moving quickly my direction. And something looked wrong. "Yeah?" "Uh…well, the um…Jack's gone," he stammered, dropping his gaze to the ground. "What do you mean, 'gone'?" I asked, a weird, tight ball forming in my stomach. "Uh, well, he just kind of ran off into the jungle earlier today, and he's like…not back." "Damnit, Jack," I mumbled, rising quickly to my feet. Brushing the sand off my jeans, I glanced warily at the jungle, darkening with the fading light, before running blindly into it.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	3. The Price of Being Perfect

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

_I hate Jack. I hate Jack. I hate Jack. _I kept running the mantra in my head, distracting me from the fear that was sure to erupt if I actually stopped to think about what I was doing. But it wasn't working. I could barely see my hand in front of my face, and about every couple feet, I either fell over some vines or roots or got smacked in the face by tree branches. "Jack!" I screamed, pausing for a second to see if he would respond. I was breathless, afraid to stop running, and really thirsty. _Way to be leveled headed, Sarah. You didn't even bring water. Hell, you didn't bring anything. _"Jack!" The silence in the jungle was more terrifying than anything. It was eerie, thick, and almost suffocating. Regaining some breath, I charged forward, not even sure of which direction to run. _Way to be level-headed._ The sounds of thunder rumbled overhead, making me nervous. _That's just what I need, to be stranded out here in the rain._ Stumbling forward, I froze. _Water. I hear running water_. Taking off in that direction, I burst into a clearing. I stood, staring blankly at the immense caves in front of me, with a small waterfall a little off to the left. And there, thank God, was Jack. He didn't turn to see the obvious racket behind him; he was motionless, staring deeply at a box lying, in tact, against some rocks. But I realized it wasn't just a box- it was a coffin.

FLASHBACK

"You don't understand…Chrissie," Jack said, leaning close to the teller at the airport, "I need this coffin to clear customs and be on that plane when it lands in L.A." I rolled my eyes at Jack, crossing my arms across my chest. He was getting upset, I could tell, and the goodness in me stepped in, despite my efforts. Tapping Jack on the shoulder, I pushed him aside. "I'll take care of it, Jack. Go check your luggage or something," I said dryly. "I can handle this, Sarah," he spat vehemently. I met his tone, my eyes sharp and cold. "No, you can't. Get out of the way and go chill out while I get this fixed," I said through gritted teeth. I could feel the stares we were receiving from the people in line behind us. He glared hard at me, and without speaking, walked away from the counter. "Okay," I sighed stepping up to replace him. "Look, I know this is against your policies or whatever, but we are bringing his dead dad back to the states. We're dressed in the same clothes we're wearing to his funeral. Jack already has a hearse waiting for us when we land. So could you please get this straightened out?" I said, my voice empty. The attendant stared at me, searching my features, which were void of all emotion. "Uh, yes ma'am. I'll have his…casket loaded onto Flight 815," she stammered. Nodding, I brushed past the people, walking quickly past Jack. "I got it worked out. Come on, we're going to miss our flight," I said stoically, heading to the terminal.

END FLASHBACK

I exhaled deeply, watching Jack's reaction to the casket. His face was unreadable, but masked with deep pain and regret. He looked pale and drawn, and I remembered what his mother had told me right after we got married. _You have to watch out for him, Sarah. He won't take care of himself sometimes. _He looked like death, and I was sure he hadn't slept since the crash. Just as I finished my thought, another clap of thunder echoed in the caves, and suddenly, rain was pouring down, soaking both of us in seconds. But Jack seemed undaunted and completely unaware of anything happening around him. Taking a timid step toward the coffin, he slowly lifted the lid. My eyes widened, and a small gasp escaped my lips. It was empty. Jack moved so quickly, I barely saw him. But he picked up a piece of what looked like pipe from the debris around him, and began beating the casket uncontrollably. I flinched, jumping at the first few, but what scared me more was Jack. I'd never, for as long as we'd been married, seen this side of him. With every hit, Jack's anger and rage erupted. He was swinging so hard, pieces of the casket were flying back to where I was standing. My breath caught in my throat as I watched. It was terrifying; the manic look in his eyes was unsettling. "Jack…" my voice trembled, and so did my dripping fingers as I reached up to touch his shoulder. Jack brought the pipe up to take another hit, but stopped in mid-air, jerking, almost convulsively, at my touch., like he didn't even realize I was there. The pipe dropped from his hands, clattering to the ground, rolling to his feet. His breathing was ragged, and he looked spent, like he'd used up every ounce of energy he had (which he probably did) to smash the coffin to a pulp. "Jack…" He slowly, almost methodically, turned to face me, and I unintentionally stepped backwards, terrified by his unstable features. "We need…I…" My mind couldn't function with the wild look in his eyes. _I've never seen you like this. Have you snapped? Am I going to die right here by that pipe you just happened to drop, for now? _Kicking the pipe nonchalantly away, I gingerly took his arm, feeling his muscles tighten at my grip. "Look, it's too late to go back tonight. I can barely see in front of me, and I know I can't find the trail in the rain. We'll…stay here until the morning," I decided, forcing myself to look at him. His face was like stone-unemotional and distant. Figuring in that I could safely assume he was hanging on to some bit of sanity, but not completely sure that he wouldn't fly over the handlebars if something happened back at camp, I thought that was the best choice. And I hadn't totally lied. I seriously was unsure if I even knew which direction the beach was, and I was hoping by morning, Jack would. He allowed me to lead him to one of the caves, out of the pounding rain, but dropped to the floor, looking exhausted. I never took my eyes off of him as I wrung out my dripping blond hair and clothes, which were clinging to my body uncomfortably. "Maybe we should build a fire…" I was shivering with cold, but I stopped speaking, realizing how dumb those words actually sounded. Everything was wet. Letting the silence overcome the moment, I sat down across from Jack, leaning against the cave wall. He hadn't even uttered a word, certainly not normal for his personality. I sighed, pulling my knees close to my body to keep in the heat. "I think I'm going crazy," Jack said suddenly, and very softly, his face cracking into a small smile. "Why?" I asked, a little relieved that he said something. "I thought I saw something that couldn't possibly be there. I chased my _dad_ into the jungle." "You're not going crazy. Crazy people think they're getting saner," I mused with a small grin. Jack was silent again, the tension between us still hanging in the air. "Why did you come?" The question caught me off guard. "Hurley came to me because he knew we were…Anyway, he said that you had run off into the jungle and you weren't back…" "No. Why did you come with me on the flight?" His seriousness and deadness in his voice rattled me, and the look in his deep, intelligent brown eyes was cold. "You know why, Jack. The divorce had to be finalized in Los Angeles…" "He liked you." I frowned, clearly not following his train of thoughts. "Who?" Jack's gaze hardened, then broke, sadness and regret welling up in its place. "Christian liked you. A lot. He always said that you were perfect." I felt my cheeks flush, but Jack continued. "He said, right before we got married, that commitment was what made me tick. And he said that I wasn't good at letting go. But I didn't…I knew he was wrong, and that I was going to prove it to him. But dad was right…You were perfect, and I was unable to… And I this standard, an image to live up to as a qualified surgeon-the perfect family, job, house, marriage…" "Jack stop," I warned, my voice quivering with tears. "It's hard to live up to those perfect standards. You were perfect, and I couldn't even handle my dad's death; you had to do that too…" "Jack, STOP it," I said, angry tears spilling down my face. "'Commitment. It's what makes you tick, Jack. The thing is, you're just not good at letting go'. And he was right…" Rising in a fury, I slapped Jack across the cheek so firmly my hand burned. "STOP IT!" I screamed, then realized with a stab of regret what I'd done. Jack fell silent, glaring hard at me, and I, unable to continue feeling the hate radiating from him, backed away, dropping back down across from him, curling up tightly and closing my eyes. _I hate Jack. I hate Jack. I hate Jack. _But, as I willed myself to sleep, the mantra wasn't working anymore.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	4. Things Better Left Buried

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

Waking up was one thing I was never good at. I never admitted to being a morning person, and being on the island certainly hadn't fixed that problem. By the time I got up, Jack was already up and out of the caves, standing at the little waterfall, shirtless, cleaning himself up. _Well, that's a good sign._ Pushing myself up, I moaned, my legs stiff from my sleeping position. Hearing me, Jack glanced back over his shoulder, and pulling his shirt on, tossed me a pieced of fruit. "We need to get back to camp," he stated dryly. "Jack…" He stopped me, holding up his hand. "Are you ready?" he said shortly. "Yeah," I responded, anger already boiling in me. He started off, away from the caves, and I followed, hating him more. _This is going to work now: I hate Jack. I hate Jack. _

By the time we emerged from the jungle, it was getting dusky, and I was pretty sure everyone thought we'd died. Hurley gave me such a big hug, I thought I was going to suffocate. Nodding a plastered smile to him, I moved quickly down the beach, knowing exactly what I wanted. I had never been a heavy drinker; I didn't even like most of it. But I wanted, right then, to drink. Anything to get away from the mix of feelings that were raging in my head. Alcohol. I wanted alcohol. And I knew just who would have some. "Sawyer?" I said, poking my head into his shelter. He met my call with a sly grin. "Well, well, well. Barbie came back. Whatcha need, cupcake? Got a little lonely on your trek through the magic forest?" "I need alcohol. I want a drink," I said simply, placing my hands defiantly on my hips. Sawyer laughed , standing up to meet my stance. "I wouldn't of fingered ya as much of a boozer." I felt cornered and flustered. "Sawyer, I _know_ you found the bar from the plane. Please. Just one bottle," I said, trying not to sound as desperate as I really was. He eyed me for a second, then sighed. "I'll play ya for it, Barbie." I frowned, unsure if I wanted to do this. "Play what?" "'I Never'." I shook my head, confused. "What?" Sawyer's grin broadened. "'I Never.'" "Am I supposed to know what that means?" I asked sharply. "Call it a way to get to know each other better. And you get your alcohol. For example, I know you've never been to college." he said grinning. "And how do you know that?" I asked, eyeing him with a wry grin. "If you had, you'd have heard of 'I Never'. It's simple, you say 'I never', then you finish the sentence. If it's something you did, you drink. If it's something you never did, you don't drink." I laughed, shaking my head. "That makes absolutely no sense." He sighed. "Learn by example." Reaching into his bag, he pulled out two small bottles-one clear, the other a dark brown. Moving past me, he settled down next to the fire outside his shelter, looking up at me to join. I sighed, but complied, folding my legs underneath me as I sat next to him. He handed me the clear stuff-vodka. _That'll work._ "I never kissed a man. Now you drink, Barbie, 'cause you've obviously kissed a man." Smiling, I unscrewed the bottle and took a small drink, the bitter liquid sliding down my throat. _Not bad._ Sawyer leaned back against a tree, stretching his legs out. "Your turn." I thought for a moment, then nodded, grinning wickedly. "I never _implied_ that I went to college when I never really did." Glaring playfully at me, Sawyer sighed and took a drink. "You been to college, Barbie?" he asked incredulously. "I'm not going to take that offensively. Yes, I have a bachelor's degree in Art History." "Ahh…and what, _pray tell_, do you do with a degree in Art History?" he questioned, his eyebrows raised in false curiosity. I shook my head. "Absolutely nothing." He chuckled, toasting me. "Good for you. Let's keep playing, shall we?" he drawled. Nodding, I pointed the bottle to him. "Your turn," I said. "I never been to Disneyland," he said. I sat, staring at him, the bottle clasp firmly in both hands. He frowned. "Aw, that's just sad." I was ready with the next one. "I never wore pink." I didn't take my eyes off of him as he rolled his eyes, tossing back a drink with a malicious gaze. I fought back the giggles pressing at my lips. "I knew it," I murmured with a grin. He threw up his arms in defense. "The 80's. I never been in love." I froze for a split second, and he knew he'd hit a nerve. With slightly trembling hands, I brought the bottle to my lips. I stared at him, bewildered. "You've never been in love?" He shook his blond hair. "I ain't drinkin', now am I?" I searched him over, my eyes playful. "I never had a one night stand." Sawyer threw the cap to the whiskey back onto the beach and up-ended the bottle. "I gotta drink for each one?" I laughed. "Bottoms up, sailor. Your turn." "I never been married." I frowned, inhaling sharply. Lifting the bottle, I took a quick drink. "It didn't last very long," I said distantly, "How'd you find out?" Sawyer leaned close. "If ya want to keep a secret, cupcake, don't tell Jabba over there," he said, his voice low. "I never cared about having alcohol just to drown myself from the feelings I had over a certain someone," he said, knowing he'd hit the target dead on. I drank, the smile fading from my face. "I never hoarded useless items off a plane just so I could piss people off when they came to ask for something," I spat, the tone of my voice losing its playfulness. Sawyer's face had fallen too, into a deep scowl, "And I never _wanted _people to hate me." He went rigid, his whole demeanor changing. Glaring at me savagely, he took a steady drink. And I followed, my eyes glassy. "Well, Barbie, looks like we got something in common after all," he growled. Unable to stand his gaze, I scrambled to my feet, throwing the alcohol bottle down in the sand as I stalked off. But I wasn't mad at Sawyer. I was mad because I knew he was right.

For the next few days, I spent most of my time going to great pains to avoid Jack. Which wasn't extremely difficult because Jack avoided me as well. And he was on a quest to get people to move into the caves that we discovered. _It's natural shelter. There's fresh water. It's safe away from the beach, because we need a more permanent place to stay, because help's not coming right now. _But right now, I didn't want to go. Going…meant giving into Jack, and I wasn't going to do it. "So, the belle of the ball is sticking on the beach, huh?" I recognized the voice, and glanced up. "Yeah. I'm not so good being confined." Sawyer grinned roguishly. "Being confined, or confined with the Jackass?" I dropped my eyes to the sand, letting that question slide. "Well, just came to remind ya, if you need someone to cuddle with on those long and lonely nights, I'm…" "I know, I know. But I think Kate would get her feelings hurt. And we're on good terms." This time, I'd caught Sawyer off guard. Sighing, exasperated, he left me, probably, if I had a guess, to go find Kate. _Men are so predictable._ Shading my eyes from the sun, I spotted Sayid fiddling with something. Rising, my interests peaked, I walked over to where he was. "Hey," I greeted, joining him. "Hello," he said in return. Seeing my eyes on the thing in his hands, he smiled. "You are interested, aren't you?" he asked. "Yeah. You caught me." Sayid chuckled and held out his hands. "This is a transmitter. I built it from spare parts out of the fuselage. I am going to try and triangulate a signal we received on the pilot's transceiver. Would you like to help?" I grinned. "Sure. What can I do?" Sayid nodded. "I have to have three positions to try and boost the signal. Boone is staying here on the beach with one. I am going up the mountain with the other. You could take the third and go into the jungle." I nodded. "Let me get my things," I said with a smile.

Wiping the sweat from my forehead with my arm, I quickly twisted my hair into a ponytail. The heat was almost unbearable as Sayid and I hiked through the jungle, trying to get high enough to place the transmitter. "I think this will be a good place. And it is far enough from the beach," Sayid declared as we stepped into a small clearing. Relieved, I dropped down onto the ground, my legs aching from the rigorous trek. "I am going to leave you here. Remember, when you see the flare, fire yours and turn on the transmitter. And make sure it is high enough to catch the signal. Like up in the trees," he instructed. "Got it," I responded as Sayid left. Going ahead and climbing the nearest tree, I attached the device to the trunk with a bungee cord and shimmied down. "Sarah!" Turning towards the voice, I spotted Kate bolting to where I was. "What's wrong? I just came out here to help…" "Jack's trapped. One of the caves collapsed with him inside. They're trying to dig him out…" Surprising panic washed over me. "Kate, I need you to stay here and fire this flare when you see the other. Then turn on that transmitter. I've got to go," I said scrambling to gather my stuff. _Why am I worried? Wasn't I trying to stay away from Jack? You hate him, remember? I hate Jack. I hate Jack…_ I repeated it over and over, in cadence with my running, but the only thing I could think about was him, dead in the cave. "Damnit," I cursed, picking up speed as I tore through the jungle. Bursting into the clearing, I skidded to a stop, looking around frantically. "Where is he?" I asked, my voice low. Nobody answered me; they all stared, defeated, at each other. "Where the hell is he?" I barked, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. "In there," Hurley finally answered, pointing to a pile of rocks. Tears were forming in my eyes. "Then why is nobody digging?" Hurrying over, I started hauling the rocks out of the way. Michael and Jin began helping, and soon, we had a chain, clearing out a hole. The heat was sweltering, and my tears were making it difficult to even see what I was picking up, but I ignored everything and focused on the cave. "Sarah," Michael's voice was gentle and knowing in my ear, "Stop. Take a break. We've got people to dig. You're going to hurt yourself. You need to stop. You can't do this."

FLASHBACK

"Good, Sarah! One more step and we'll be done for today," Drake, my physical therapist, encouraged. He was crouched down in front of me, watching me struggle. Gritting my teeth, I forced myself to concentrate. _One more. Only one._ Lifting my braced leg, I took a tiny step forward, my knuckles white from gripping the balance beams to support myself. "Great! That's enough for today. I'll go get your chair," he said walking away and returning with a wheelchair. I grimaced at the sight of it, but forced a tight smile on my face. "I'll have a nurse out in a minute to wheel you out," he said patting my shoulder. "Hey Sarah!" I glanced over my shoulder to see Dr. Shephard striding toward me. "Hi," I said, faking some way over-enthused cheerfulness. Dr. Shephard grinned. "Ahh…I know that look. That's the 'my life royally sucks right now' look," he said, his voice sympathetic, but playful. "Yeah, well, I just can't say everything's peachy," I murmured, my tone laced with disappointment. "Sarah, I know…" "Could you help me? I need a favor," I interrupted, looking up at him hopefully. Dr. Shephard stared at me quizzically, unsure of what I was going to ask. "Sure," he responded after obviously weighing his options. "I want you to wheel me out of here," I said firmly. He cocked his head, confused. "Why? I'm sure I can get one of the nurses…" "No! I want you to help me walk down the hall," I said quickly intervening his statement. Now, Dr. Shephard eyed me like I'd lost it. "Sarah, I don't know…" "Okay, here are your options. One, you help me walk down that hall. Or two, I take out one of your nurses, and then walk down the hall," I said with a sly grin. "Those don't sound much like 'options'," he said after a moment. "It wasn't supposed to. Now are you going to help me or not?" He sighed, running a hand over his short, brown hair. "Listen, if I say stop, you stop. Got it?" he compromised. I wrinkled my nose, not thrilled with the exception, but nodded. "Okay, I'll be right back." He walked down the hall towards the physical therapy offices, then returned shortly, wheeling me out into the empty hallway.

"Are you sure you want to try this? I mean, you haven't been in physical therapy that long, and I know you've been doing exceptionally well but…" "You've been checking up on me?" I asked, feeling heat creep into my cheeks. Dr. Shephard looked caught for a second, then nodded briefly, looking away from me. "Yes, I know I can do this," I said, my mind clearly made up. Complying, he crossed in front of me and held his arms out, giving me something to hold on to. I gripped his forearms tightly with my fingers, figuring that my legs would give out before my hands did. Dr. Shephard kicked the wheelchair gently, pushing it out of the way. "Okay. Take it slow, and don't push yourself," he instructed. I glued my eyes to his face, which was encouraging and gentle, and took a small step. He nodded, a smile crossing his face. Inhaling, I took several more steps, each one increasingly more difficult and painful than the one before. The braces were digging into my skin, and I was biting my lower lip so tightly, I could taste blood. "I think we should stop," Dr. Shephard spoke up, catching the immense pain in my features. "No," I said, shaking my head, "I can do this." I took another step, but this time, my legs buckled from exhaustion. Grabbing tightly onto his arms, I kept myself from falling, digging my fingernails into his arms to keep my position. "Sarah, we're stopping. This was a mistake. I shouldn't have…you can't do this," Dr. Shephard said, meaning it for himself, but saying it aloud. I glared up at him, my teeth gritted firmly. "DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!" I screamed, tears overflowing my eyes and cascading down my cheeks. Willing myself to take another step, my body refused and I felt my legs give way beneath me.

END FLASHBACK

I paused to glance up at him, my face set. "Are you going to help me?" I asked through the tears. Michael fell silent, going back to helping me move the debris.

I was close to the point of exhaustion, but I willed my arms to continue to work, even though they felt like jelly. Progress was slow, because parts kept caving back in and we'd have to clear it out again. Hardly anyone spoke; everyone just worked in silence. Charlie, some ex-rocker, had gone in through a small hole we'd made, but halfway through, it collapsed as well, and we'd heard from neither since. Suddenly, Michael's son Walt, who was playing with his dog, paused. "Hey, it's the doctor!" I jerked up, blinking back tears, trying to clear my blurred vision. It was Jack. Stumbling to my feet, I ran to him, stopping inches away. "You're okay," I murmured, my voice choked and dry. Jack stared at me, clearly taken back from my concern. "Yeah," he responded, nodding to me. His eyes were soft, gentle, and I had to look away. Nodding back, I dropped my eyes and walked past him. I was terrified of the feeling that had formed in my chest. Doubt.

I had never doubted my decision to divorce Jack. I had never even doubted my decision to have an affair when we were still together. It all seemed logical and simple to me. Jack wasn't supporting me like I wanted, so I found someone who could. But now, things were different. Doubt had surfaced. And for the first time, I wasn't sure if what I was doing was right. Looking at him after the cave-in, I remembered why I married him. The soft, gentle look he used only on me, the assuredness in himself, the stability he offered, purely out of his personality. The feelings I experienced when Kate told me that he was hurt and trapped were real. No matter how many times I tried to repeat the mantra over in my head, _I hate Jack_ no longer worked. Because I didn't hate him anymore. I wasn't sure if I still loved him, but I knew the potential was there. I could _feel_ it. And it scared the hell out of me. "Sarah?" I glanced up at Kate, who could immediately tell she'd broken my thoughts. "Oh…I'll come back…" "No. Stay. I could use some company," I urged. She sat down next to me, silent for a moment. "I saw Jack. It's good he's going to be alright," she commented, her eyes never straying the ocean. "Yeah," I responded, sure of where this conversation was going. "He dislocated his shoulder, but I'm sure it'll heal in a few weeks. He was surprised to see you there." I turned to her. "You talked to him about me?" I asked, not really sure if I was pissed or excited. She nodded. "He brought you up, actually. Said you ran off before he could say three words." She paused, deciding if she should go on. "Let me give you some advice, Sarah. From one runner to the other. It's not worth it. You can't run away from it forever. Believe me, I've tried. But I see how you look at him. How you react when people talk about him. I know you're angry about whatever happened in the past, but everyone gets a new start on this island. Let it go," she said, ending very softly. "I'm not sure if I can. It's easier said than done. Jack and I have been through so much. I'm not sure…I think I pushed him away too far for too long," I said, swallowing hard. "Then let _him_ go," she said, patting my shoulder gently, rising to leave.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	5. Monsters and Making Up

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

I shifted my pack on my shoulder, staring down the mango tree in front of me. _Come on, Sarah. You've climbed trees before._ With a heave, I pulled myself up onto one of the lower branches, slowly working my way up to the fruit. Suddenly, a deafening, roaring, churning sound echoed through the jungle. I clung to the tree as it approached, and I watched as trees around were literally ripped from the ground. One near me was jerked up quickly, and I was knocked sideways, losing my balance. Clinging desperately to the branch, I screamed, feeling my fingers start to slip. And as quickly as it came, it turned and left. But I couldn't keep my grip. My fingers gave, and I fell a few feet before deftly grabbing another branch. I felt my arms and hands scrape against the tree as I clung on to it, and I could feel blood oozing down my forearm. "Sarah?" Jack's voice roared through the jungle, and in a few seconds, he was underneath me, standing at the base of the tree. "Hang on, okay! I'll come up and…" "No! I've…I've got it," I said, finding footing near the trunk. Wiggling my way down, I hit the ground and sunk to it, my arms aching sharply. "We heard you scream and then that _thing_ showed up and…" Jack was saying, right before he caught a glimpse of my bloody arm and scraped palms. "Did you fall?" he asked, switching gears to be the _doctor_. I forced myself to stand, and brushed myself off. "I'm fine, Jack. Don't even worry about it," I said dismissively. "Sarah, let me fix it," he offered, reaching out for my arm. I whirled to face him, his last words hitting me like a truck. "I don't _want _you to _fix_ it," I snapped, my cheeks flushing with anger. "Sarah…" "You will always need something to fix, Jack. I realize that. But I don't want to try and be _fixed_ by you. I never could be. I wasn't something that needed to be fixed! Why couldn't you just accept that!" I paused, my voice quivering. "I had convinced myself that I needed to be fixed somewhere. But…why did you marry me, Jack?" I waited for his answer, but all he did was shake his head. "I don't understand." I stepped toward him, feeling every emotion spill out from the bottle I'd corked them up in. "Why did you marry me? Did you see me as someone you could love, or was I just something else to _fix_? Because that's all I feel like I mean to you. I let you fool me into believing that if I stuck with you, you would make all these promises about making things right between us and _fixing_ our relationship. Well guess what? You lied, Jack. And I was tired of being fixed and being promised things that were NEVER going to come true. So I left. I was moving on. I. WAS. HAPPY. And then, you showed up again. And I have spent all this time, trying to figure out what the hell is happening between us. So, I want to know, right now, why you married me, so that I can get rid of all the doubt I keep feeling and know for sure that I've made the right damn decision…" My voice broke, and tears burned my eyes as I cried. Pulling myself together, I inhaled sharply, needing to finish what I'd started. "Because I still love you." Jack's face was mangled with regret and emotion. And staring up at him through my tears, I watched him shift. The change was so drastic, I could hardly believe it; his features softened, and his eyes flooded with tears, some sliding down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Sarah…" he whimpered, choking down sobs. "I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to pick me. Stop trying to fix me and love _me_," I said softly. Jack moved to me, pulling me tightly in his arms. I breathed in deep, feeling the comfort in his embrace. "I love you, Sarah. I don't want to lose you again," he whispered in my hair. "You never did lose me. I've always been right here. You just had to see it first," I said pulling back a little. Staring into his understanding, passionate eyes, our lips crashed into each others, full of a love that I'd never felt between Jack and I before. And it made me happy, for the first time on the island. I was happy.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	6. Aiming for Miracles

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

"So, I have to ask…where'd the tattoos come from? I mean, did you like, go rogue on after I left?" I asked playfully as I helped move my stuff over to where Jack had built a new shelter for the two of us on the beach. He ducked his head, trying to hide a grin. "What? Are you some _hard core spinal surgeon_ now?" He laughed, grinning at me. "Yeah, that's it. I'm _hard core_." Sitting my stuff down, I cocked my hands on my hips, attempting to look firm. "So are you going to tell me?" Jack raised his eyebrows. "No," he said with a chuckle, turning away from me. "That's not fair…" "Jack!" We both turned to Sun, a Korean woman living at the caves. "Boone…Locke brought Boone to the caves. He's hurt very badly," she said, breathless from running. Jack bolted toward the caves, and I was close on his heels. By the time we'd reached the caves, their was a crowd of people hovered over the cot set up as Jack's medical station. "Oh my God…" I breathed, catching sight of Boone's body when people finally moved out of Jack's way. He was bloody all over, and his leg was completely crushed, hardly anything left but the bone. I looked away, afraid I was going to be sick. "What happened?" Jack demanded, leaning over Boone's semiconscious body. "Locke said he fell off a cliff while they were hunting boar," Sun replied. "Locke! JOHN!" Jack roared, looking up wildly. "He's not here," Hurley said shrugging, "He dropped him off and left." "Kate!" I looked back at the woman, who was looking squarely at Jack, unable to look at Boone. "I need you to go back to the beach and find Sawyer. I need all his alcohol." She nodded, but didn't move. Jack, who'd gone back to working on Boone, glanced up. "Kate, NOW!" At his order, she turned and ran, flying back down the path toward the beach. "Sarah, I need your help. Sun, get all these people cleared out and create some kind of screen for privacy. Sarah, come here," Jack delegated. I moved immediately as Sun began getting onlookers to leave. "I need you to press your hand here, and do not move it," he said placing my palm directly over an open wound on Boone's side after dousing them with peroxide. I cringed, swallowing back the urge to puke. "Sarah, I swear to God if you throw up on me…" Jack said quickly, catching my uneasiness. "I'm fine. I got it," I said applying pressure to the skin. Boone moaned loudly. "It…hurts," he mumbled. "I know. I know. I'm going to fix you, okay? You're going to be fine," Jack said tightly. He glanced up at me and Sun, who'd efficiently gotten a tarp hung up around us. "Keep him steady, damnit…Sarah, you're going to have to press harder than that." "I'm trying," I said desperately. "His leg's broken. It's a closed fracture, but I think I can set it," Jack decided, "Sun, hold his shoulders." Pouring peroxide over the leg, Jack gripped the ankle firmly. "On three. One, two…" The pop was sickening, and Boone cried out in pain. Suddenly, his breath shortened, and he started to wheeze. "Jack, he can't breathe!" I said. Reaching up, Jack pressed gently around his chest. He sighed. "His lung collapsed…" he said, "Sun, pair of scissors in the 2nd drawer in the cart." "His chest, Jack. Do you think you can sew it?" Jack shook his head. "He's lost a lot of blood. I wonder how far Locke had to carry him." Sun came back with the scissors, and Jack, finding the spot, jammed them in, creating an air opening. Boone's breathing eased, and Jack, with his free hand, grabbed a small piece of tubing. "Okay. Okay. Okay. Good Boone. Good Boone, that's good. Alright, we're going to put a tube in that and you're going to be just fine…" Jack said soothingly. "I'm going to die," Boone breathed. Jack immediately grabbed Boone's face, looking him straight in the eyes. "Boone, listen to me! You are not going to die. I am going to fix this, okay? I'm going to save you."

"Where the hell is Kate?" Jack cursed, stitching up Boone's chest. I stood next to Boone's head, trying to keep him calm. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he repeated, half conscious. "He needs blood," Jack said aloud to himself. "What?" I asked, not sure if I'd heard him right. "Blood. A blood transfusion." "How are you going to…" "I don't know," he said looking up at the sky, inhaling deeply. "Go get some air," I said quietly. "That's okay," he said shaking his head. "Jack. Go get some air," I repeated, a little firmer. He relented, stepping out of the small room.

FLASHBACK

"Female, late 20s, no ID. She coded twice on the way over here." A man's voice intercepted. "What the hell is that thing?" Another man, dressed in blue scrubs, stood over me. "Part of the steering column. All right, let's go. Keep that collar steady and page my father," he ordered. "Tell me what happened." "…blew a tire, car jumped divider and went head-on with an SUV…BP's dropping, Dr. Shephard," a strange voice said. "Was she driving?" he asked. I missed the woman's response. Pain. That was all that would register in my mind. Pain and fear. "I…I can't…" I tried to mumble, but a hand touched my forehead. "Just calm down, sweetie. It's going to be okay. You need to relax." I couldn't move, couldn't look around, and all I really wanted was to close my eyes and sleep. "I…I want to dance at my wedding," I whispered, barely audible. "What did she say? I think she's trying to talk." "I don't know. Dr. Shephard?" I caught, in the far corner of my eyes, the man in blue scrubs. "She said she wants to dance at her wedding," he said walking out of my line of sight. Feeling exhausted, I let my eyes close, enveloping myself in darkness.

Inhaling deeply, my eyes fluttered open, and I found myself in a bed-a hospital bed. I glanced around, feeling groggy and spent. But that wasn't the scary thing. "What happened to him?" I asked the doctor in front of me. _He was the same one from earlier_, I remembered. "Just try to relax, okay?" he responded dryly, not looking up from his chart. "The car I hit…the other driver was older." "He died in the ER," the doctor said shortly, putting down the chart and looking up at me. Clearing my throat, I managed to work up the nerve to say the thing that was terrifying me. "I can't feel anything." He nodded. "I know." "What's happened to me?" I asked, my voice quivering, tears spilling down my cheeks. "You have a fracture dislocation of your thoracic lumbar spine with multiple crushed vertebrae. Your back is broken. Your spleen is ruptured and bleeding into your abdomen and that has to be stopped. I'm going to perform surgery and repair as much damage as possible, but even the most optimistic result puts the likelihood of retaining any feeling or mobility anywhere below the waist at…extremely unlikely," he finished with a sigh. I understood none of that except for the end. No feeling or mobility. The only word that came out was, "Oh." Dr. Shephard was called away, leaving me completely alone. _This wasn't supposed to happen. I was going for a dress fitting and to look at tablecloths. I'm getting married in eight months. _A few stray tears streaked down my cheek, causing the scratches and scrapes to burn. But I didn't even brush them away; I hardly acknowledged them. My mind was screaming out one thing, blocking everything else out to a low hum. _No feeling or mobility._

My heavy eyes flittered from one nurse to the next as they hurried by me in the operating room. I laid flat on my stomach, resting my head tiredly against the table. I felt the urge to close my eyes, but knew I wanted to stay awake to tell something to the doctor. Dr. Shephard strode in, already scrubbed in and ready. Approaching my line of sight, I cleared my throat. "Come here," I whispered, but it was loud enough to catch his attention. "Come here. I want to tell you a secret." He gawked at me, and timidly stepped closer. "Come on. Closer," I said softly, and finally, Dr. Shephard bent down, becoming eye level with me, inches from my face. "It's okay. I know I'm not going to be dancing anymore. I can still roll around at my wedding. You're invited, okay?" I finished, tears blurring my vision. Dr. Shephard looked taken back, like he had never had someone say something like that to him before. His eyes became earnest and determined. "I'm going to fix you," he stated as I drifted off into unconsciousness.

Opening my eyes was like lifting a dumbbell. They felt groggy and leaden, and for a moment, I wasn't sure exactly where I was- until I spotted Dr. Shephard sitting across the room, head in his hands, looking beaten. "Am I alive?" I asked quietly, my words a little slurred. I swallowed, trying to regain my speech. "Yeah. Yeah, you're alive," he responded with a small smile. He picked up the chair his was in and slid it close to the edge of the bed, and as he sat down, I caught a scent of him. I wrinkled my nose. "You smell." He looked up at me, a little taken back by my bluntness. "Well, thank you." I inhaled again, registering a scent of sweat, antiseptic, and something completely distinct, that I couldn't quite recall. "Wow, you really smell." The doctor ran a hand over his face. "Yeah, I uh…went for a run," he explained. I nodded. "You smell like you ran far," I mused. "Well, I showered. I mean, I guess I just didn't cool…I wanted to get back down here and check on you," he caught himself, seeming a bit embarrassed he'd actually admitted that aloud, "It was a…a Tour de Stad." I frowned. "What?" "It's when you run all the steps in every section of a stadium, up and down." I almost laughed. "Why would you do that?" Again, Dr. Shephard looked like he was at a loss for words. "Uhm…I'm intense," he said softly. "Did you finish?" "No, I…I hurt my ankle," he said, dropping his gaze to the floor. "That sucks for you," I said in a vague attempt to be sympathetic, "Is Kevin here, my fiancé?" Dr. Shephard looked flustered as he said, "I didn't see him." _Liar._ I tried to mask the immense disappointment and hurt in my voice, and, trying not to make the doctor feel any worse than he already looked, I responded, "I'm sure he'll be back in a little while." He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely." _Liar._ I searched Dr. Shephard's face, preparing myself. "You going to tell me how it went?" I asked. At this, the doctor's face fell. "Sarah, the…the damage to your back was extensive. I did everything I could, but your spinal column, it just…" his eyes were red-rimmed, and tears escaped the vise-grip he had over his emotions, "You're going to be paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of your life. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Sarah." I exhaled sharply, trying to reign in my tears. "You're yanking my chain, right?" Dr. Shephard looked up at me, wide-eyed. "No." I swallowed the tears threatening to erupt from my eyes, but more came anyway, blurring my vision as I glued my eyes to his. "Then how come I can wiggle my toes?" Dr. Shephard's gaze tore away to the end of the bed, where I was wiggling my foot. Just barely, but it moved. Rising, he pushed the blankets back and took a pen from his pocket, pressing it firmly against my calf. "Can you feel this?" he asked, drawing a breath. I nodded, a smile playing at my lips. "Yes." He moved to the other leg. "Can you feel this?" "Yes," I said, relief flooding my voice. "This?" he asked, moving it down farther to my foot. "Yes," I cried, letting the tears gush down my face. "This?" His voice cracked, and he looked up at me, his cheeks tear-stained. "Yes," I sobbed, a laugh escaping my lips, as well as Dr. Shephard's. Our eyes met, creating an immediate connection between us- between the miracle worker and the miracle.

END FLASHBACK

"Ask him again," Jack said from his sitting position against the tarp. I rolled my eyes, my shoulders sagging desperately. "He's in shock," I said, my eyes glued to Boone's trembling body under the sheet Jack had draped over him. "That's why you need to ask him again," Jack said slowly, his voice fierce but trying to stay under control. I sighed and crouched down close to Boone's ear. "Boone, can you hear me? What is your blood type? Boone, _please_ listen," I begged, turning to look over my shoulder at Jack, but he was preoccupied. "Damn it," he cursed as he tried to prick his finger with a piece of sharpened bamboo. "Maybe a smaller piece?" Sun suggested gently, in her very calm, Sun-like manner. "Veins are like a wet noodle…first, you have to find one, then you have to have a hollow needle sharp enough to actually pierce it. I've got _bamboo_. None of it actually even matters because I don't know his blood type, not to mention that his injuries…" "A Negative…" I jerked my head up at Jack, not even totally sure I heard Boone correctly. I mean, he'd been incoherently mumbling for the past few hours. But Jack did, because he was up in a second, hovering next to me. "Boone, what did you say?" Boone murmured something about a plane, then fell silent. Jack glanced at me, his eyes urgent. "Did you hear A Negative?" I nodded, more confident that he'd heard it too. "Sun, go ask everyone you can find, everyone, what their blood type is. A Negative, okay?" Sun raced off, heading towards the beach, and Jack dropped back down, still attempting to draw blood.

"Damn it! Damn it, damn it!" Jack cursed, throwing the fourth piece of bamboo across the caves. I jumped at the sudden movements, sympathy washing over me for my husband. "I found an A!" Sun declared, running into the small, tarped area. "Positive or Negative?" Jack asked, scrambling to his feet. Sun shook her head. "She doesn't know. I also found two B Positives and an…" "Did you find an O Negative?" Jack interrupted. Sun frowned. "You said A Negative. But I also found this," she said proudly, holding out her hand to reveal a small, spiny sea urchin. "A hollow needle sharp enough to pierce a noodle." Jack pulled one loose and pricked his finger, immediately drawing bright, crimson blood. "It's perfect," he said, smiling for the first time all night. "You only asked like four people?" I mused, turning to Sun. "I asked practically the whole camp. No one knows their blood type." "And, Jack, I thought you said you needed A Negative," I asked, remembering the O Negative comment. "Or O Negative." "Right, which no one seems to be," I said, trying to understand his logic. "Someone is," he said digging for more tubing in the drawer. "You? But…" "O Negative is a universal donor. It's in the ballpark. It's not a perfect match. My blood could put him into anaphylactic shock…stop his heart," he explained as he rigged an I.V. "You mean he'll die?" I asked, still trying to grasp what he was saying. Jack met me with a steely, defiant gaze. "He's not going to die."

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	7. On the Edge

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

"I'm surprised you're still hanging in here," Jack commented as I dropped down onto the ground next to him as he pumped his blood into a makeshift I.V. connected to Boone's arm. "I can't just leave you in here," I said seriously, glancing his direction, "I'm the only one that can take you as the belligerent, domineering doctor you truly are. Besides Sun, of course." Jack grinned, shaking his head, and I leaned close to him, resting my cheek against his shoulder. "It's good to see you smile. Sometimes, I think that you just can't, like it's not part of your genetic makeup or something," I said, wrapping my arm underneath his free one and lacing our fingers together. "I _can _smile," he said defensively. "Uh huh. Just like I _can _stand in here with _my hand_ over an open wound without hurling all over the body," I said sarcastically. Jack's body shook with a little laughter. "I _thought_ you were going to puke, Sarah," he said beneath a chuckle. "I thought I was too…" "I screwed myself up pretty bad, huh?" Boone's slurred speech interrupted our thoughts. I was to my feet before Jack, who was moving a little sluggishly. "Hey Boone," I said softly, finding his gaze. He groaned a little. "My leg hurts," he said with a grimace. Jack placed his free hand on him. "Don't try moving. Can you breathe okay?" Boone seemed oblivious. "It fell on me?" Jack threw a sideways glance at me, then leaned in to Boone. "What fell?" "The plane. There was a plane," he murmured, blinking heavily. My eyes widened, and I could feel Jack tense beside me. "Boone. Boone, Locke said you fell off a cliff," Jack countered, shaking his head. "No…No…There was-it fell. It's because a hatch. We found…a hatch…" Boone was drifting, slowly losing consciousness. Jack grabbed Boone's face. "Boone. Boone. Stay with me, man. Hey, stay with me," he coaxed, his voice urgent. "Locke said…John said…John said not to tell about the hatch…" "What did Locke do? What hatch? What…" Jack started, but Boone was losing it; slowly, his head rocked, dropping to unconsciousness. "Hey. Boone, hey. Boone!" Jack called, but the younger man was out. "Damn it," he murmured, staggering back unsteadily.

"Come on, Boone," Jack pleaded, lifting Boone's eyelids with his free hand. "It's not working," Sun said very quietly. Jack rolled his head, releasing the tension in his neck. "Blood's not the problem. It's the leg. All the blood's pooling there…compartment syndrome. He didn't get this injury from a fall. Something crushed his leg." Jack began to pace, squeezing the arm with the I.V. in it. For the first time, when I looked at Jack, it terrified me. He was a deathly sheen of white, and his skin was covered in a light sheet of sweat. Under his eyes, dark, puffy circles had formed, and he staggered a little, clearly on the verge of passing out. Rising, I jerked the tube out of Jack's arm, leaving him staring at me. "What are you doing?" he asked defensively, but I shook my head. "You've given him enough. Sun, stay with Boone for a while; I'm taking Jack out," I said decidedly, reaching for a piece of gauze to put over his arm. My hand on his back, I lead him slowly out of the tarp over to the waterfall. "Whoa, dude," Hurley said, catching a glimpse as we walked by, "You alright, man? You look a little…Goth." "Jack…Jack, look at me," I said touching his cheek. "I'm fine, Sarah," he said quietly, but he didn't argue with me when I pushed him down to sit. "Jack, you need to understand that you may not be able to save…" "Sarah, don't. I know I can save him. I just…that leg is dead. It's filling with blood, and if I don't get rid of it, I won't be able to fix him." I swallowed. "Jack, why are you doing this? He's got internal injuries…his bleeding inside. You're not helping him. You can't save him, Jack," I said, my voice deathly serious. Jack rose quickly, his gaze fiery and sharp. "Don't tell me what I can't do!" he screamed, storming back into the tarp. I stayed seated, dropping my head in my hands, unable to will myself to go back in there right then.

The muscles in my neck and shoulders were tight as I watched Sun finally emerge from the tarp. Her eyes told me everything. During the night, Jack and Michael were going to attempt to cut the leg off, but Boone came around and told Jack to stop. And Jack stayed with him until he died. Sighing deeply, I rose and walked slowly to the tarp, every step feeling like it was weighted. "Jack?" My voice came out in a whisper as I stepped next to him. Lifting the sheet, Jack pulled it all the way over Boone's body, then stood and walked out, heading to the beach. I watched him go, knowing it would do me no good to try and follow him, get him to talk to me. I numbly turned and tried to clean myself up, feeling dirty and rumpled in my clothes. I washed my face and hands, then rinsed off my blond, straight hair, pulling it back up in a ponytail. Finally, feeling none better, but cleaner, I headed to the beach to find Jack. It took me a moment, but I finally spotted him sitting underneath a tree, away from the others, staring out at the water. I moved quietly to him and sat down, still silent. "Claire had her baby last night. Kate delivered it. A beautiful, healthy baby," he said, finally breaking the silence. "Want to talk about it?" I asked softly. "Talk about what?" he asked, still unmoving. I turned my entire body to face him. "Boone _died_, Jack." Jack shook his head, his eyes blazing. "He didn't _die._ He was _murdered._" _John Locke._ My mind was processing the same thing, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Reaching out, I laid my hand on Jack's arm. And that was all it took. A single tear streamed down his cheek, snaking its way around his face. And once that one made it down, the floodgates opened, and Jack broke into sobs, soft and quiet. I slid close to him, wiggling my way into his arms. My fingers traced his shoulder blades and ran over his short, dark hair as we both cried, clinging to each other , over the loss of one life and the beginning of another.

The brisk, ocean breeze ruffled through my hair as I stood next to Kate, listening to Jack talk about Boone, who was lying in the sandy hole behind him. He'd dug it this morning, by himself, even went as far as to ask me not to come help. _It's something he needed to do._ So, I let him. I preoccupied my time with putting on some clean clothes, but continually kept watch for Jack. I knew he'd been wound tight, and as much as I wanted to help, at times when he got like this, you just had to let him work it out on his own. But now, that didn't seem like such a good idea. Jack seemed drawn, and there were moments when he looked like he lacked the confidence in himself anymore. "Would you like to say something, Shannon?" Jack asked the tall, pretty blond standing next to Sayid- Boone's sister. Her eyes swept toward the grave, where Boone's body was wrapped in a blue tarp. She was silent, and after a moment, Sayid spoke up, saying something about Boone's determination and hard-work on the island. "It was my fault." The words came from behind the small group, and every head turned to see who it was, even though they already knew. Locke looked a little worse for wear, with his clothes wrinkled and covered in blood-Boone's. "We found a plane, a Beechcraft, in the jungle. It was…it was lodged in a canopy so I…I would've gone up, but I…my leg was hurt so he…there was a radio inside and he thought he could…look, his weight must have made the plane shift and…and it fell…" Locke was struggling with the words, trying to fend off the emotions he was facing. "…and it happened because he was trying to help us. He was a hero." I felt Jack's muscles tense under my hold, and before I could stop him, he was storming towards Locke, who was only a few yards away. "Where were you! Where were you! WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU, you son of a bitch! What did you do to him! What did you do! Where were you! You just left him to die? YOU LIED TO ME! Where were you!" Jack dove onto Locke, throwing punches murderously, one right after the other. I moved quickly, and so did Sawyer, who hauled Jack backwards off of the older man. "Jack, it's okay…it's okay, it's okay," I soothed, trying to calm him down, but even Sawyer was struggling to hold him back. "Where were you! Where!" "Jack…" I coaxed, my voice barely above a whisper. Suddenly, his legs buckled, and the manic look in Jack's eyes disappeared as he fell forward into the sand, going completely limp in Sawyer's grasp. "Hey! Hey!" Sawyer growled, lowering Jack down onto the sand. "Jack. Jack, what's the matter! Are you okay!" I asked, my voice rising in a panic. "Get some water!" Sawyer roared back over his shoulder to the group hovering around us. "Fatigue…Sarah, how long's it been since he's slept? Eaten?" Sayid asked behind me. I turned to him, fear masking my features. I shook my head numbly.

"He's lying," Jack stated firmly, looking up at Sayid from where he sat under our shelter. "You're suffering from fatigue," Sayid countered. "Locke told Boone not to tell," Jack started, shaking his head. "Not to tell about what?" "Something about a hatch," I added, trying to help Jack. "Look, the man is hiding something…" Jack sighed, moving to stand up. "Jack, listen to me," Sayid interjected, putting a firm hand on Jack's shoulder, pushing him back down beside me, "What we need is for the one doctor on this island to get some sleep." "I'm fine. I don't need it," he said stubbornly, but this time, I pushed him down. "Jack…" I said warningly. "I'll take care of Locke. You get some rest," Sayid said, leaving me with Jack. Reaching behind me, I held out a bottle of orange juice. "Drink it," I ordered, eyeing him until he took it. He drank a few sips, then tried to put it down. "A little more," I said defiantly, pushing his hand back up. "No." I rolled my eyes. "Jack, you need to get your blood sugar levels up." Jack shook his head, putting it down. "Look, enough already. I've rested," he argued, starting to rise. "Where are you going?" I asked, exasperated. "To talk to Locke," he said, then paused, blinking heavily. He swayed a little as I brought him back down against the pillows and blanket I stole from Sawyer. "No, you need to lie down," I said firmly, leaning him back. "No, I don't…" "I _strongly _advise it," I stated, locking my gaze on him. "Advise? Advice…What? Alright, what's going on?" he said, hardly able to speak without slurring words. "Lie down, okay? I crushed up some sleeping pills…put them in your juice." Jack looked bewildered. "Why would you…you drugged me." I nodded. "Yep," I said, almost triumphantly. Jack blinked once, then closed his eyes. "Oh, okay," he mumbled, then drifted asleep. "Night," I said with a smile, curling up next to him, resting my head on his chest.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	8. Chocolate: THE Therapeutic Aphrodisiac

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**And...I know this one's short...but I thought it deserved it's own spotlight...AMAZING!**

Yawning, I woke up to the warm sun against my legs. Jack was still sleeping quietly beside me, breathing softly in a relaxing rhythm. I rose, wanting to stretch my stiff legs. Knowing that Jack wasn't going to go anywhere for a while, I walked out onto the beach, gazing around at the castaways. My eyes fell on a black woman, sitting alone, staring out at the beach. I remembered her; she sat next to Jack on the plane…Rose. I wandered over, dropping next to her in the sand. "Hi," she greeted, sending a warm smile my direction. _I already like you._ "Hey…Rose, right?" I asked, waiting for her approval. "Right, and your that sweet doctor's wife," she said gently. "Sarah." She smiled, then turned back to the ocean. "Is he okay? I saw what happened at the funeral," she commented, her face kind. I rolled my eyes. "He sometimes thinks he's superman and can go without eating and sleeping like _normal people_," I said with a small grin. "My husband, Bernard, is the same way. Always thought he was immune to everything," she agreed with a laugh. I fell quiet, contemplative. "He's been under so much stress lately. Everyone expects him to be the leader of this group, and he's attempting to save the _world_. I just wish I had something to make him relax. Like…chocolate. Jack loves chocolate. He doesn't allow himself to eat it all the time, but back home, I used to buy strawberries and we would dip them together in chocolate. It was some of the rare moments we actually spent together," I said wistfully, leaning my chin on my knees. "Honey, I know just what you mean. Bernard is addicted to chocolate, always had a sweet tooth. So let me help you out," she said reaching in her bag and pulling out a chocolate bar. "I was saving it for when we find my husband, but desperate times call for desperate measures." My eyes widened as they fixated on the candy, but I sighed. "Rose, I can't take that…" "I _want_ you to. Make him happy, honey. He needs it," she said placing it in my hand. "Thank you," I said with a brilliant smile. Rising, I hurried back to the shelter, dropping back down next to my sleeping husband.

He stirred after a while, and finally opened his eyes. "Hi," I said brightly. Jack moaned at my enthusiasm. "Hey." I smiled, leaning close to his ear. "I brought you something to eat," I said softly. "What does it have in it, chloroform?" he asked, a little bitterly. I feigned hurt, but shook my head. "Thanks, but I think I'll…" Bringing the candy bar in front of my face, I grinned at Jack's gaze. "Where'd you get that?" he asked, surprised. "Does it matter?" I asked with a laugh, unwrapping the candy bar as he sat up. Breaking off a tiny piece, I brought it to his mouth, then pulled it quickly away, slipping it into mine. "Hey, I thought this was for me!" he said stubbornly. "Jack, it's _chocolate._ It's definitely not all for you." But relenting, I broke off another small piece and lifted it to his mouth. Jack chewed, relief making his shoulders sag. Taking the bar from me, he pulled me close, then held the chocolate up to my lips. "You're completely right. It is for you," he said. I opened my mouth and let the chocolate melt in my inside it; I closed my eyes, letting a soft moan escape my lips as it slid down my throat. Jack caught my gaze when I opened my eyes, and in a moment, he was kissing me. His lips were warm against mine, and his mouth tasted of chocolate, which was a complete turn-on. It didn't take long for my fingers to work up his back, underneath his t-shirt, and we broke apart only to pull it off, along with mine. Jack rolled, pulling me with him, laying me flat on my back against the warm pillows he was on. His fingers fumbled with my jeans, and I wanted to laugh when he couldn't get them undone. "Damn it, Sarah!" he cursed, and I broke into laughter, pulling him down to kiss me. The chocolate long forgotten, Jack finally managed to get my jeans off, and I kicked them away to the other side of the shelter. "You've been wanting this for a while, huh?" he asked with a grin. "Jack, don't talk…" I said pulling him down again to keep kissing. Jack's skin felt hot and flush against mine, and the electricity between us was way more than we'd ever had. Jack's kisses covered my entire body, and they were full of warmth and an intense passion. I bit my lower lip tightly, trying not to scream with extreme pleasure, and Jack laughed at me before devouring my lips with more kisses. When he finally dropped beside me, I was breathless and flushed. Pushing my hair, which was damp with sweat, away from my face, I glanced over at Jack, who was staring at me. "We should've used chocolate more often…" he mused with a grin. I licked my lips, still tasting the candy bar in my mouth. "I didn't ever realize it was such a turn on." "Or maybe it was because we hadn't had sex in…God, you know, I can't remember…" I said, laughing. Jack caught my gaze, his playful. "Nah, it was definitely the chocolate," he said with a wry grin. _Want to play that game? Okay, you're on. _"You know, I remember now why I stayed with you so long…it was because you were great in bed." "That's the only reason?" Jack asked, feigning surprise. I thought for a moment. "Yeah, pretty much," I said with a serious nod. "You never were a good liar," he said, rubbing small circles on my stomach. "Neither were you," I said leaning in to kiss him again.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	9. Cheaper than a Shrink

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**Again, kind of a shorty chapter, but I promise...the next one's VERY LENGTHY...and this is it's own special story...**

My nerves were kicking in as I walked across the beach to where Sawyer was leaned up against one of the plane seats, reading a book., making me feel a little nauseated. _Chill, Sarah. It's not like he bites. _"Sawyer?" I asked, planting my hands on my hips. "Well, well, Barbie. How's things between you and Ken?" he asked slyly, closing the book and resting it on his lap. I thought quickly, managing to force out a, "Fine." But he caught my hesitation. "Ahhh….now see, your reaction would suggest otherwise. Wanna tell me why?" I cleared my throat, dropping my hands to my sides. "Sawyer, I need something," I said quietly, "And I'm sure you've got it." His eyes widened, and he rose to his feet. "And what is it that you need, Blondie?" he asked. I rolled my eyes, sighing. "Can't you just let me look through your stuff and get it?" I asked with false hope. "Wanna try again?" he asked with a grin. "Sawyer…I…want a pregnancy test," I managed, diverting my gaze away from him. "Well, well…think you've been knocked up by the holy Saint Jack? Is this about that little rendezvous you two had in the tent a few weeks ago?" I felt my cheeks glow from the heat. "You knew about that?" Sawyer laughed a little. "Listen Barbie, I'm not dumb. And for me, it wasn't like I had to read between the lines. It was obvious. But ya know what they say? Make-up sex is the best kind…" "Sawyer, please don't say anything to Jack…" I begged. He frowned. "Why? It ain't like nobody's not gonna notice you getting bigger…" I cut him off. "The pregnancy test, Sawyer." "Fine," he relented, digging through his bag and tossing me a box. "All ya had to do was say, '_please_'."

FLASHBACK

My fingers were waterlogged as I scrubbed furiously at the dishes in the sink. I heard the front door open, but didn't acknowledge Jack's presence as he entered the kitchen. "Hey," he said dropping a kiss on my cheek. "Hi," I mumbled, unable to bring my gaze up to him. Jack rolled the sleeves on his red oxford, then reached over to dry the plates that I'd washed. "You don't have to do that," I said quietly, my eyes intent on the soapy water. "It's therapeutic. And a hell of a lot cheaper than a shrink," he said with a smile. He could feel his eyes on me as I scrubbed. "I, uh…I didn't want to say anything until I knew one way or the other, but I was…late. So I got a pregnancy test." Jack's hand froze, amid drying a plate. "Sarah…" "Don't worry, it was negative," I interjected, my voice trembling. "Do you want to talk about it?" I laughed bitterly. "What's there to talk about?" I asked, finally bringing my eyes up to Jack's. I silently went back to scrubbing, but my hands were shaking so badly, I dropped a glass, sending it shattering to the floor. "Damn it," I cursed, bending to pick it up. Jack moved faster, gently grabbing my wrists and pulling me to face him. "Sarah…" he whispered as tears streaked down my face. "I wanted a baby…" I said softly. Jack was silent as he pulled me into his arms, rocking my body gently. "We'll have one, Sarah. I promise…"

END FLASHBACK

I sat, staring vacantly out at the crashing ocean waves, but was acutely aware of Jack's presence beside me. "So, you going to tell me what's wrong, or do you want to play twenty questions?" he asked, trying to lighten my mood, but didn't succeed. "Sarah…please talk to me," he pleaded, brushing my hair behind my shoulder. He caught sight of my hands, clamped tightly around an object. "What is it?" he asked, lifting my hands in his. Swallowing, I unfolded my fingers, letting the pregnancy test fall into Jack's hands. He looked at it, his eyes revealing that he now understood. "Sarah, you were late?" he asked, and I nodded, biting my lip to keep from crying. "I'm sorry. I know…you wanted a child," Jack said gently. A few tears slid down my cheeks. "I thought…I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up…but I was sure this time…but it was negative. Again." Jack pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of my head as I cried. "I know. I'm sorry, so sorry, Sarah…" he crooned, stroking my hair gently. "I know."

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	10. Learning to Follow the Leader

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

"Hurley, you're talking really fast. Explain it one more time," I said, taking a bite of the banana in my hand. "Okay. Michael is launching a raft," he said it really slowly, like I was a slow learner, "And some crazy French woman showed up and said that the Others were coming. That we needed to run…or hide," he finished. "And Jack is where?" Hurley rolled his eyes. "Jack is with Locke, looking at trying to get into the hatch." _So there really was a hatch after all._ "Can you take me there?" I asked, smiling sweetly. "What! Walk all the way back out there? With that _monster_ that eats people?" He squirmed under my big, puppy-dog eyes. "Oh, okay," he said, giving in with a sigh.

"Wow," I managed, my mouth gaping as I stared at the massive hatch thing in the ground. Jack glanced back at me from where he was crouched on top of the thing. Leaving Hurley, I jumped across the ditch that Locke, and I was guessing Boone, had dug around it, to where Jack was. "How do you get in? There's no handle," I asked, frowning. "That means it's meant to stay shut," Hurley commented. "Rousseau said something about the Black Rock having dynamite," Locke said, "Maybe we could blow it up." I threw a glance at Jack, wondering what he thought. "If we get it open, we can bring everyone here, to keep them safe," he mused, staring at the opaque glass. "I think we should go with Rousseau." "But what about the raft launching today?" Hurley interrupted. "They're going, and so are we. John, you and me…" "And me," I said quickly. Jack shook his head. "You're staying."

I stalked after Jack as he gathered supplies and stuffed them into a bag. "Jack, I want to go! Why won't you let me?" I asked, my voice edgy. "Sarah, I need you to stay here. Please. I need _someone_ who can command attention and get people to just…chill. Everyone's on edge, with the raft and Rousseau, and I need you to stay here," he said with a sigh. Frustration was bubbling up in me. "That's not fair, Jack. I want to go with you," I said, locking my defiant gaze on him. But Jack was not budging. "No. You're staying. End of discussion," he said, raising his hands as a final say. I turned away from him, infuriated with myself for giving in to him. _I'm not a child, and I damn well shouldn't be treated like one._ I stalked to my tent, seething. After watching the raft launching, I found Sayid, who was helping carry some of Shannon's luggage to the caves, where everyone was going to stay together, away from the mysterious 'Others' the crazy French woman had talked about. "I would have suspected you to go with Jack and the others to the Black Rock," he said, a little surprised. I rolled my eyes. "Let's just drop that conversation, okay?" I said, irritated. "Well, you can help me get all these people to the caves. You can take one group up, and I will follow with the rest." Appreciating the order, I walked with Charlie, Claire, Sun, and some others to the caves, forcing my mind to forget about Jack for the moment.

But that moment didn't last long. Huddled against the coolness of the caves, I looked up at the quickly fading sun. In amongst the trees, it was already darkening. "What's the matter, Sarah?" I glanced up to see Charlie sink down next to me, his face illuminated by the glowing fire. "Oh, it's nothing. I just…they're not back yet, Charlie," I said, my voice dropping . "Look, no offense to Jack-he's a great leader. But if there's anyone on this island I'd trust my life with, it's John Locke. I'm sure they're fine. Except for the crazy French woman, the evil monster thing that eats people, and the Others that are coming after us…" My eyes widened. "Charlie…" "I'm kidding. Really, Sarah, I don't think you have a thing to be worried about." I nodded. "Thanks, Charlie," I said as he rose to go back to Claire and her new baby. _They act like perfect parents_._ And the baby's not even Charlie's. _Thinking made the waiting seem to stretch on for hours, and I could feel the knot growing in my stomach with each minute that passed. Needing to move, to do something, I rose to go talk to Sun when an excited voice called out, "It's them! They're back!" Whirling around, I spotted Jack leading the extremely worn, tired, raggedy group back into camp. My feet felt cemented to the ground as they all shuffled in, and Jack immediately scanned the group, his eyes falling on me. He moved quickly, politely excusing his way through the crowd, stopping just outside them. And I lunged. Before I even knew I was moving, I was in Jack's arms, holding on so tightly, it hurt my shoulders. His body sagged against mine, and I felt relief wash over him as he sighed into my hair. "Just to let you know, I really want to beat the crap out of you right now," I mumbled, not even releasing my hold on his neck. "I can tell," he said, pulling me back to kiss my lips. I felt his tongue slip in my mouth, running softly over my lips and brushing my tongue. "God, I really could beat the living hell out of you," I repeated, leaning my forehead against his. He laughed, but soon caught sight of the crowd becoming a little rowdy with questions. Kissing my forehead, he pulled away and moved to the front of them, jumping up onto a plateau to get their attention. "John found a uh…hatch in the ground….about half a mile from here. We left to…blow it open so we could hide inside…so all of us could hide inside in case…but that doesn't matter now because it's not going to work. There's no way for all of us…to get down there tonight." The group murmured, slowly growing loud with arguments and wound with anxiety. "Hey!" he bellowed, silencing the group, "Everything's going to be okay. Let's just…take it easy. We're going to be alright. We're going to stay here tonight, okay, together. We've still got four guns. We'll put lookouts at all the entrances. We're all going to be safe as long as we all stay together. The sun comes up in three hours, and we are all going to be here to see that happen. I promise." His eyes fell on me, and I smiled encouragingly. Then Jack's eyes tore to John, who was winding cable around his shoulder. "John, what are you doing?" he asked, frowning at the older man. "I'm getting some cable." "What for?" Jack asked, growing impatient. "It's for the hatch. I'm going in," he stated simply. Jack stared at him, livid. "Do you really think that's the smartest thing to do right now, John?" Locke stopped, turning to look at Jack. "I doubt it. In fact, you're right. The safest thing is to stay here, wait for morning, wait for these Others to see if they show up, wait for the brave folks on the raft to bring help, but me…I'm tired of waiting." And with that, Locke was gone.

"That was kind of unlike you…the whole 'glass half-full' thing," I commented, sitting down next to Jack, leaning forward on my knees to look him in the eye. "There's a glass?" he asked sarcastically, a small smile flickering across his face. "So do you believe that everything's going to be okay?" He paused, contemplating my question. "Yeah, I do," he said after a moment. I nodded. "You did a good thing, saying what you said…and taking care of everybody…and just giving them someone to count on. If you weren't here, Jack…" My voice caught, and I cleared my throat. Not finishing my sentence, I leaned over and kissed Jack's cheek before rising. Spotting Kate, I headed toward her. "Point me in the direction of the hatch," I said softly. "Why?" "I'm going after Locke. I understand why Jack can't go, I mean, they need him here…I get it, I really do…but it sounds like he's going in that thing whether Jack likes it or not…and what if he falls and breaks his neck…" "Does Jack know you're going?" I eyed Kate, hoping she wouldn't question me. "Head out that way," she said, pointing to my left, "for about half a mile." I grinned and quietly slipped out, whispering a thank you as I left, and taking a torch on my way.

By the time I stumbled into the clearing where the hatch was, Locke was standing above it, looking down into the dark abyss inside the blown off door. Which, I noticed, said in big, bold letters QUARANTINE. _Great, we're all going to die. _"I expected to find you halfway down there by now," I commented, planting the torch in the ground near Locke's. He turned to me, a smile playing at his lips. "Why don't you go first," he said. My eyes widened, and I felt my heart immediately go into overdrive. "You want _me _to go first?" "Well, you're lighter. I can belay you down and bring you up just as easy. The shaft might get narrower down there too," he reasoned, keeping his eyes glued on my wary posture. "You left out the part where you just want to see if I get eaten by something," I added wryly. He lowered the makeshift harness for me to step in to. "Yeah, well, that too. Not too tight?" I shook my head, and slowly stepped toward the opening, rocking my heels over the side. Grabbing the rusted ladder that was left, I lowered myself down, but instantly grabbed the edge of the hatch. "What do I say if I…I need to stop?" I asked breathless. John stared at me for a second. "Stop." He said it like it was so obvious, and I ducked my head to hide the embarrassment in my cheeks. I shook my head vigorously. "Okay, let's go," I said, and Locke slowly let out some of the cable, sending me agonizingly creeping down the dark hatch. I held a small pin light in my hands, something Locke had handed me as I started my descent. I couldn't see anything; the thick walls were blank and suffocating. About a fourth of the way down, I felt a tug as I stopped moving. "John?" I yelled, looking up, clinging to the cable tightly with both hands. "Sarah, what the hell are you doing down there! Pull her up, John. NOW," Jack's voice roared, echoing down the shaft. John started to raise me, but I found my voice. "Jack, I'm already close to halfway down here! Let me finish!" I yelled, not willing to give in this time. "Sarah…" "Keep going, John!" I called, and after a painstaking moment, I continued my descent. Suddenly, with a jolt, the cable felt slack and with a piercing scream, I started to fall. The flashlight slipped from my fingers and everything felt like slow motion, but with a jerk, the cable stopped, and I realized I had only fallen a few feet. "Sarah, are you alright!" Jack's worried voice yelled. Taking a deep breath, I exhaled. "Uh…yeah. I dropped the light. Maybe we should…" But in mid-sentence, I started moving again. "Oh, well…okay then." Closing my eyes, trying to suppress the intense fear that was making my heart race, I started counting- a little trick Jack taught me right after we got married. "One…two…three…four…STOP!" I cried, unable to continue. Straining to listen, I thought I heard a small, soft snap. Before I could think, the cable frayed right above me, snapping in two, sending me falling down the shaft. I let out a shrill scream, but in seconds, I hit the ground with a thud, landing flat on my back. Everything flashed in my eyesight as my head pounded the cold concrete-feeling floor, and for a moment, everything was shrouded in darkness. "SARAH?" Jack's voice sounded hollow and slurred, and I tired hard to focus on it instead of the radiating pain from my body. "SARAH!" I couldn't will my mouth to form words; all that came out was a soft moan as pain washed over my back. _My back. What if I hurt my back again? I don't want to be paralyzed. _My left arm was pinned under my body in an uncomfortable position, and when I shifted to pull it out, a cry escaped my lips as my body convulsed in a spasm of pain. "Sarah, I'm coming! Just…hang on, okay? Hang on!" Jack yelled, I laid as still as possible, trying to determine if it was my back that was hurting or if it was my arm. But everything was swimming, and I felt a sticky liquid running down my arm and pooling on the floor where I was positioned. A shiver coursed through my body, and I closed my eyes, biting my screams and tears. "Sarah? Sarah, come on, wake up!" Jack's voice was right in my ear, and I opened my eyes to see a blurry image of Jack, kneeling over me. "It hurts…" I managed, as Jack's hand grazed over the shoulder of my pinned arm. "I know, I know. Sarah, listen to me. I need to get your arm out from under you. It's going to hurt, but you're crushing your probably broken arm, making it hurt worse. So, on three, I'm going to roll you over, just enough to lift it out. Okay?" Jack talked slow and steady, but I could detect the fear underlying the doctor façade. I nodded, which made my head hurt numbly. "Okay, one…two…three," Jack said, pushing my body up. I screamed in absolute pain, and by the time Jack put my arm down, I was writhing in pain. "Damn it…" Jack cursed, and I could tell something was wrong by the tone of his voice. Clamping his hand over my arm, he glanced up through the shaft. "John, I need you to go get Sayid and Hurley-NOW!" Jack yelled, "And bring some rope!" My body was shaking from cold and fear as Jack turned back to me. "You're going to be fine, Sarah," he crooned, brushing my hair from my face, "I fixed you once, and I'll do it again." "My back…" I whispered, trying to focus on his face. "I know, Sarah. Okay, can you do something for me? Can you wiggle your toes?" he asked, staring at me intently. Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes and rocked my foot back and forth. Jack let out a relieved smile. "See, you're back is fine. Don't worry, okay? I'm going to get you out of here-soon," he said, sidling close to me. I shivered through my damp clothes, and with my free hand, I clung onto Jack's arm, my fingers trembling behind my hold.

By the time they got me and Jack out of the hatch, I was in such pain, tears were staining my cheeks and I my cries were obviously painful for Jack, Sayid, and Hurley to listen to. Jack lowered my body onto the stretcher Sayid had thrown together, and they quickly hauled me back to the caves. I could blurrily see the sun starting to peak through the thick clouds, creating an early morning haze in the sky. "Jack, her arm…" "I know, Hurley," he said, throwing a stern look his direction. "Put her down on the airline cushions-EASY," Jack ordered. "What happened to her?" "Why is she bleeding?" "Jack, where'd she go?" I could hear the questions, but Jack didn't respond; he worked quickly, finding the rubbing alcohol and dousing my arm with it. I screamed in pain, trying to pull away, but Jack kept a firm hold on my shoulder, away from the break. Shaking his head, he dug through the medical supplies a found a syringe. "I'm going to give you something for the pain…" he said injecting the liquid into my other arm. Feeling the drugs immediately take effect, my eyes, growing heavy, they closed into a blissful darkness.

Opening my eyes, everything immediately swam, making me feel lightheaded and nauseous, but after a few seconds, things started to settle. I caught sight of my arm, wrapped in layers of gauze and laid carefully in a sling, already looped around my neck. My back ached dully, but with much effort, I managed to sit myself up, biting my lip so I wouldn't scream. "Hey…you're up," Kate said, trying to be bright. "Yeah…but I think I liked it better when I had the narcotics." I glanced around, shaking my head. "Where's Jack?" Kate grinned a little, joining me on the cot. "He's been up for close to 24 hours, Sarah. I sent him to bed." I smirked. "The sleeping pills?" She nodded. "Works _every _time," she said smiling. Her face grew serious. "Locke went back down into the hatch." I frowned, my head still fuzzy from the sedative. "Is he okay? Did something happen?" Kate held her hand up to stop me. "He's fine. Let me catch you up to speed. Locke went down, found a guy down there who evidently has a few screws loose. The guy left, leaving Locke to push some button every 108 minutes. Jack wanted to move you down there, but that's when I stepped in and sent the good doctor to bed," she summarized. I brought my hand to my head. "Wow…I was out long enough for all that to happen?" "That's the abridged version, but yeah. Jack apparently gave you a pretty heavy dose of sedatives." "You know, I'm going to have to quit accepting food from the two of you, because every time, I've been drugged," Jack moaned, rubbing his neck as he fought the remains of the sleeping pills. "I think this is my cue to leave," Kate sighed with a grin, rising and leaving the two of us alone. "How do you feel? Stiff, headaches, dizziness…" "Jack, I think I'm going to survive," I interrupted. Jack's face went a little stony. "Sarah, you fell at least ten feet and landed flat on your back. You broke you arm so badly, the bone was literally sticking out of your skin. You hit your head and suffered from a concussion. And, on top of all that, you went down there without even telling me. I had to find out from _Kate _where you went. I think I have a right to ask a few questions," he finished. I chewed on the inside of my lip, trying to find some reasonable, defiant argument to his complaints. "I know it was stupid, but someone had to go down there…" "Yeah, and it should have been Locke," Jack broke in. "I know, but I thought it would be safe…kind of safe. And you were treating me like such a child, I felt like I was suffocating. I had to get out from under you somehow," I countered, knowing it sounded ridiculous. "So you were defying me by belaying down a _hatch_ and breaking your arm?" he asked sarcastically. I wrinkled my nose. "It made sense in my head." "Yeah, see that's what scares me, Sarah. The things that actually make sense in your head," he said with a laugh, "Could you just, run things by me? And I'll try not to be so…" "Controlling? Parental? A stick in the mud? A hard ass…" "I think I got the picture," he said, his eyes softening. "I'm glad you're okay, Sarah," Jack said gently, ending on a sigh. "Me too," I said, wiggling my toes, almost as if I were afraid that something had happened. It hadn't.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	11. A Whole New Dimension of Texas Hold 'Em

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

"This is, by far, one of the most boring things I've ever had to do…" I complained, folding my arms across my chest. It had been several weeks since the hatch accident, and my arm, though a little sore in some positions, had healed rather quickly. "There's nothing to do down here. Emphasize the _nothing_ part." Jack laughed at me as he explored the tiny reading corner of the hatch, checking out the different titles and old records. "You could read," he suggested, dusting off some the records and reading them. I wrinkled my nose. "I need to be moving…I've been on like, bed rest for the past few weeks…per my doctor," I said with a devilish grin. "How about cards?" Jack offered, flashing a deck of cards in his hand. I nodded with a shrug. "It'll do…but I don't know how to play anything but poker," I said innocently. _Rope him in, Sarah. You could kick his ass in poker. _"Sounds good," Jack said pulling a table to the middle of the room, and I grabbed the chairs. "I have an idea," I said as I lowered myself into a chair, "How about we make this interesting? Let's play _strip _poker." Jack raised his eyebrows, shaking his head. "Sarah…people might come…" "Nobody's coming. Who would? Come on, we've got to do something," I pleaded, and with a small smirk, I could see that Jack was caving. "Fine," he said stubbornly, dropping into the chair. "But you're going to lose," he added with a sly grin. "I seriously doubt it," I said, my voice low.

I looked up over my cards, eyeing Jack hard, trying to catch a read on his hand. But his handsome features were emotionless. "Call or fold," he said with a grin. I fingered the oreo-type cookies in front of me. "Well, you know, I think you're in trouble now…" I said pushing the oreos in the middle of the table, "Because pocket queens makes me the set." A huge grin spread across my face. I had him this round. Which was good for me, because I had already lost my shoes, socks, and outer tank top. Jack, on the other hand, was still fully clothed. "Kings wired," Jack said triumphantly, laying the cards fanned across the table. My eyes widened. "You're kidding me!" I said, my mouth dropping. Jack laughed, rocking back in the chair. "Which means you're losing something." With a frustrated sigh, I peeled my other top off, leaving me in a black bra. _At least I wore the sexy one._ Jack's eyes scanned my body, his eyes flashing. "Yeah, yeah, lets keep playing," I said leaning forward on the table. "Sarah…you have nothing left. You busted on that last hand," he said, staring at the pile of cookies in front of him. My eyes found his, and they locked, the sexual tension in the room creeping up to almost becoming tangible. "One more hand. You're going to lose at least one article of clothing," I demanded. "Okay, one more," he agreed, not taking his eyes off me. After the shuffle and deal, Jack looked up. "I'm all in," he declared, pushing everything he had forward. "What! Are you serious? That's the move of a man who wants me to lay it down," I said suggestively. "You're not going to lay it down," he said with a grin. I lean forward, intrigued. "And why is that?" I said softly. "Because your ego's too big and you don't want to lose. Again." _He's got a bluff. _"I'll call," I said with a smile, "What'cha got?" He laid down his hand- a pair of nines. "A pair of nines? You pushed with a pair of nines?" Jack smirked. "You got me. What you got?" I squirmed, still holding my cards. "I guess it was enough, huh?" I felt my cheeks growing flush as I stared Jack down from across the table. "You know what? Screw this," I said tossing the cards down and crawling across the table. My lips closed in on Jack's, and the intensity between us quickened. I straddled Jack, my hands moving rapidly to undo the buttons on his shirt. He helped me wiggle it off of him, and without losing any time, expertly had my jeans off. "Wait," I said, pulling back, breathless. "What's wrong?" he asked, searching my face. A sly grin spread across my lips. "Follow me," I whispered, scrambling off his lap and bolting down the hall. Jack was right behind me, and when I reached the shower, I jerked his jeans off. "In here," I said, grabbing his arm and jerking him inside. Jack turned the water on, my back to it, and I yelped in surprise. "It's COLD!" I said, my hands snaking up his back. After fumbling with the knobs, Jack finally got the water steamy, and turned his focus on me. His kisses were mesmerizing; they found their way across my body, and in seconds, Jack had me in his arms, pressed against the shower wall, his trim, muscular body firm against mine. My fingers found their way to his dripping hair and face, and the intensity of his lips against my skin and his hands pressing down against my hips made me scream in delight. Everything was passionate and urgent, and my body ached for his, like it had been deprived of sex for too long. It tingled at every touch, every kiss, and he felt good up against me.

Turning the water, which had begun to go cold, off, Jack grabbed two towels from outside the shower and handed me one. Wringing my hair out, I dried myself off and wrapped it around my frame. Leaning up against the wall to cool my flushed skin, I watched Jack pull clothes back on, and I followed, quickly pulling my hair in a ponytail. I walked back in to the main room, Jack behind me. "Are you checking me out, Jack Shephard?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder to grin at him. "If I was checking you out, you'd know it," he said slyly. "Why do you think I asked?" "What the hell happened in here?" Turning , I blushed as Kate and John looked around the room. It was a disaster; cards were all over the floor, along with the cookies, and my chair was upturned from where I'd kicked it. _At least my clothes weren't still laying on the floor_. John looked us up and down, frowning. "And why are you two _wet_?" I glanced over at Jack, hoping he had this covered. He didn't. "We…uh…well…" But it didn't matter because Jack's sentence was interrupted by a yell from outside the hatch doors. "Where is the doctor?" an unfamiliar voice boomed. Flying to the door, Jack pulled it open, his eyes widening in surprise. An large, African American man stood in front of him, holding in his arms an unconscious Sawyer. "Oh my God…" I gasped, my hand sliding to my mouth.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	12. The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

Sawyer was deathly white, and his limp arm was soaked in blood, visible through the ripped, ragged black shirt he wore. "We need to get him in the shower," Jack said, starting to spit out orders to anyone around. "Kate, strip the sheets on the bed and put clean ones on. Come on, follow me," Jack said to the man, hurrying down the hall, back to the shower. I followed close behind, my eyes riveted on Sawyer's trembling body that was literally dripping in sweat. "We've got to get him cooled off," Jack mumbled as the man sat him down in the floor under the shower head. "He's got an extremely high temperature." The man slipped quietly out, while Jack turned the cold water all the way on, letting it spray onto the Sawyer. He moaned, his head rocking back and forth, to weak to rise. Jack bent down and ripped the sleeve of the shirt, and I immediately looked away, covering my mouth. He'd been shot, but in the place of a clean bullet wound, a large, gaping hole had formed, which was discolored from clear infection. "Sarah, I need you to go through my medical stuff and find a bottle of Ofloxacin…" Jack said bending to get Sawyer up. "Ofloxacin…got it," I said, gladly doing anything to get away from seeing the man's shoulder. I ran out of the room, spotting Jack's leather bag on the floor near the cards. Digging around in it, I pulled out a bottle, and making sure it was correct, bolted to the bedroom, where Jack had just gotten Sawyer up onto a cot. He'd taken off all of Sawyer's ragged, wet clothes, and he was laying on the cot, shaking almost convulsively. "Here…what's happening? Why is he shaking?" I asked, cringing at the sight. "He's septic," Jack said as Kate entered the room, "The infection's gotten into his blood stream. If the antibiotics down bring the fever down, he'll go into shock." Kate looked pallid, staring numbly at Sawyer's body. "Hold him up," Jack said, pulling out of the small white pills. Kate moved quickly past me, sliding into the cot behind Sawyer's head, propping him up against her. "Okay, I've got him," she said turning to Jack. He lifted the pill into Sawyer's mouth, followed by a small drink of water, but Sawyer coughed, spitting the pill back up. "No…swallow, swallow…damn it." "I'll do it," Kate said holding out her hand. "No, I've got it," Jack said with a sigh. "Jack…" I said softly, seeing Kate's distress. "I can do it," she said, and Jack relented, handing her the pill. I watched, tears welling in my eyes at the sight before me. "Sawyer? It's Kate," she barely whispered, brushing his damp hair gently with her fingertips, "You need to listen to me, okay? The only way you are going to get better is if you take this pill. So I need you to swallow it, okay?" Kate actually elicited a small groan from Sawyer. "Okay, here we go." She placed the pill in his mouth and tilted the glass back slowly. "Now swallow, swallow," she encouraged, and with much struggle, Sawyer got it down. Kate grinned. "Good, good," she praised, leaning her cheek against his forehead. "Nice job. I never…uh, learned the whole whisper-in-the-ear thing in med school," Jack said with a soft smile. He rocked back, and then rose. "Just stay with him, okay? And if you think something's wrong, even if you're not sure, come and get me. I'll be back in a few to dress the wound, but his fever's got to come down first," Jack explained, then, with a pat on Kate's shoulder, reached for my hand and led me out. Suddenly, I felt like I needed air, and with a look to Jack, we walked outside.

The fresher air felt good, hitting my skin like an electric shock to my system. I exhaled deeply, not realizing that I'd been holding my breath. Jack had dropped down onto a nearby boulder, his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes. "Ironic, huh?" he said quietly, "I mean, we just…and then Sawyer shows up…" I nodded, feeling a little overwhelmed. Moving to him, I perched on the edge of the boulder, leaning my head against his cheek. Jack wrapped both arms around my body, rubbing small circles with his thumb. "What if that was us?" I said simply. Jack seemed to know that's what I'd been thinking. He held me tighter, if that was possible. "I hope it never has to be…again. I mean, I already kind of went through that with you and the car accident. I'm not sure if I could handle anything like that again," he said quietly. I pulled back, looking him in the eyes. For the first time, I understood all the things Jack had done for me, all the reasons he never wanted me going on the 'adventures'-he was keeping me safe. It didn't mean that I wouldn't fight him on going again, but it created a clearer picture of the man I'd married. When we were together, I realized, his coldness and distance from me during our marriage had blocked the caring, compassionate side that finally was coming out. It'd been a long time, probably since my accident, that I'd actually experienced a glimpse into Jack's true feelings and emotions. And I owed it all to the chance of the plane crash. _A plane wreck saved my marriage. Amid the disaster, something good came about._ "You look like you could use a break. Go chill on the beach or something for a while. I really need to stay here with Sawyer…in case something happens," he said with a long, heavy sigh. _You never catch a break, Jack. You are always saving somebody. _I nodded, getting the feeling that Jack really didn't want me back in the hatch. "Come find me if you can later…okay?" I asked, even though I meant it as more of a plea. He leaned close to me, his face so close to mine, there was hardly any space. "I promise," he responded, kissing me warmly. It seemed that he used it as a release, all of his pent up emotions spilling out from his lips, making it urgent and passionate. I was the first to pull away, even though I didn't want to. "Go. Kate shouldn't be alone right now. She needs someone…" I urged, rising and heading away from the hatch. "Sarah," Jack called, and I glanced back, surprised that he was still standing where I'd left him. "I love you." A shiver ran up my back at Jack's declaration. It'd been a while since he'd said that to me…probably my explosion in the jungle. A smile flickered on my face. "I love you too, Jack," I said affectionately. Jack nodded simply, and plain gesture that meant so much more when it passed between us. Pulling my gaze away, I headed down the path toward the beach.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	13. Doesn't Play Well with Others

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

Excited chaos was ensuing on the beach with the return of Michael and Jin, but taking a closer look, Michael's son, Walt, was nowhere to be found. Word quickly spread around the beach that Walt had been taken by the Others, and a hand of sympathy reached out to the younger father. He had just gotten to the point where he and his son were learning to live together, and Walt was taken right from his grasp. Along with the return of our castaways, some others had joined the camp. Evidently, from what Hurley informed me, they were from the tail section of the plane that had broken off in the crash and landed on the other side of the island. There was the big man that had brought Sawyer back-Eko, a frail-looking blond named Libby, a surprise of Rose's husband, Bernard, and a yet to be seen ex-cop named Ana Lucia, who, supposedly accidentally, shot Shannon the jungle . Wandering down to where Michael was sitting with Vincent, Walt's dog, I laid a hand on his shoulder. "Hey. Glad you're back, Michael," I greeted with a sympathetic smile. He lifted his head with a small smile in return, and a quiet, "Thanks." Figuring that he didn't want to talk right now, I moved on to say hello to Jin and Sun, who seemed attached at the hip. Jin gave me a huge hug, which I returned. "It's good to see you too," I said with a laugh. Suddenly, Jin started speaking rapidly in Korean. I frowned, looking at Sun for a translation. "That's the cop, Ana Lucia," Sun explained, pointing to the figure emerging from the jungle, alone. She was had a dark, olive complexion with dark, curly locks of hair. I cocked my head, taking her in; there was something strikingly familiar about her. Just about that time, Jack strode onto the beach, and I waved him down, a smile spreading across my face. "Hey, Jin. Good to have you back, man," Jack greeted, shaking the man's hand. Jin nodded with a smile, then turned his attention back to Sun. Taking my hand in his, Jack turned me to walk down the beach. "I heard the Others took Walt," Jack said nodding at the silent Michael. "Yeah…he's heartbreaking, isn't he?" I mused. "Sayid brought Shannon's body to the hatch. Now _that _was heartbreaking. They were just getting close. He looked crushed, carrying her in." I squeezed Jack's hand tightly, resting my cheek against his shoulder as we walked. Suddenly, Jack froze, jerking me to a stop alongside. "What?" I asked, raising my gaze to where he was looking. Following his line of sight, his eyes were glued on Ana Lucia. And from across the beach, she was staring intently at him. "Jack? What's going on? You know her?" I asked, looking from him to Ana Lucia and back. Jack finally tore his gaze away, his eyes unreadable. "Jack?" I repeated, a knot of concern growing in my stomach. "Come on…Let's go back to check on Sawyer and Sayid," he said, diverting my questions. I opened my mouth to protest, but the odd look across Jack's face made me stop. I headed back up the path with Jack, sending one last glance back over my shoulder towards Ana Lucia, who was still riveted on my husband.

"Claire, I've got to say, I think that Aaron is one of the best behaved babies I've ever been around," I commented, stealing a glance away to the sleeping baby as I helped the younger girl fold cleanly washed clothes. "I know, right? It's so weird…sometimes, I just go check on him just to make sure he's still around," she said with a laugh. "Hey!" I turned slightly to look behind me, and found my eyes falling on Ana Lucia's wiry frame. "Can we help you with something?" Claire asked coolly; I could tell everyone was on edge with the shooting of Shannon. "Yeah. What's your name?" she asked me, her voice harsh and almost threatening. "I beg your pardon?" I asked, dropping the shirt I held in my hands into a basket. "Your name. What's your name?" "Sarah," I replied, feeling an uneasy tension between the two of us. "It _was_ you," she said with a sadistic smile. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Do I even know you?" I asked, my question sharp. She let out a small scoff. "No, but your husband does. Jack, right?" At her final statement, I turned around fully, stepping out into the sun, towards the woman. "Excuse me?" I quipped, feeling my muscles tighten. "Your husband. We met at the bar in the airport. You were divorcing him, right? But I'm guessing that never happened." I was beginning to be a little offended by her tone, which was condescending and bitter. "You're right. Things are fine between Jack and I, thanks for caring," I said, turning away to go back to Claire. "He should've divorced you anyway. I can tell a phony _bitch _when I see one," she said lowly. With a small war cry, I lunged on top of the woman, pinning her deftly to the ground. My arm throbbed dully, but it didn't hinder my punches. I hooked her hard in the jaw with my left fist, but the ex-cop was quick, and with a swift move, had me on my back, catching my cheek with her elbow. I shoved her backwards with a quick kick to the stomach, sand flying in the air as I lunged at her again, getting in a hard jab to her right jaw line. Before I could raise my fist again, a pair of hands had my arms, yanking me backwards off the woman. "What the hell, Sarah!" Jack yelled, dragging me a few feet back, but my gaze was fiery, locked on Ana Lucia, who was being restrained by Eko.

FLASHBACK

"Sarah Johns, what in heaven's name has gotten into you?" my mother, Virginia, condemned as she bustled into the principal's office. I sheepishly wiped the blood still oozing from my mouth with the back of my hand, not daring to look up at my mother. "Sarah was caught in a fight with another girl during recess. She's always been so well-behaved, and we've never had a problem with her, so if she would just tell us what happened, we'd allow her to go," Mrs. Jenkins, the principal replied. I stared down at my feet, which dangled off the end of the leather chair in front of the principal's desk. "Well, Sarah?" my mother said sharply. I could feel her eyes burning into my skin, and my quiet voice reverberated off the walls. "They were picking on me," I whispered, letting my blond bangs hide my eyes. "What did they say, Sarah?" Mrs. Jenkins asked gently. "They called me stuck up and snotty," I said, completely embarrassed. Mrs. Jenkins nodded. "Why don't you take Sarah home for the day, Mrs. Johns?" she said. "Come on, Sarah," my mother said shortly. Rising, I followed her out to the waiting car-my waiting doom.

"Sarah, what _were_ you thinking! Or were you just not? You're perfect record is ruined at the age of 10 for beating up a girl for calling you stuck up! We have a reputation in our family…you of all people should know that. We are very well off people, Sarah, and everyone looks at our family to make respectable decisions and keep that reputation. I mean, even when we fail and are in the face of adversity, I still make good decisions. How do I do that, Sarah? Because I have what it takes. Don't choose, Sarah. Don't decide. Because when you fail…you just don't have what it takes." My mother finished with an exasperated sigh, and I stared out the window, watching the scenery move quickly by, tears sliding their way down my face, reflecting off the glass with a small sparkle.

END FLASHBACK

Jack leaned close to my cheek, lifting a peroxide-soaked piece of gauze to my bloody lip. "She hooked you good in the mouth. And I think she threw a hard punch to your cheek before it ended; you're going to have a pretty bruise there in the morning," he said, feeling around my sore cheekbone, "But I don't think anything's broken. This is going to sting." He cleaned the cut, and I inhaled sharply, moaning a little at the burning pain. "Here," he said, blowing gently on the scrape, cooling it. "Your bedside manner's certainly improved since the last time I was in your ER," I mumbled quietly. "Yeah, well, I had good practice with whiney patients like you." He grinned, then his face fell serious. He sighed, resting his elbows on his knees. "So, you going to tell me what the hell happened out there before Eko and I got you off of Ana Lucia?" His eyes stared at me earnestly, patiently waiting for an answer. I ducked his gaze, almost embarrassed that I'd gotten in a fight at all. "Sarah…you know that I'm not going to let this drop. You beat up a woman on the beach…" "She said that you should have divorced me! She said that I was phony…" my voice choked on the last few words, remembering the first time I'd gotten in a fight. Jack frowned, running a hand over his face. "And you actually believed her? Sarah, you know that's not true…" "How did you know her?" I interrupted. He looked caught, unsure if he wanted to tell me. "When we were at the airport, I met her at the bar. We just had a few drinks, but she was…flirty. Sarah, at the time, we weren't…I was angry with you, and she was there. We didn't do anything…we just had this weird connection," Jack stumbled through his explanation, looking sheepish and embarrassed. For the moment, I was sorry I had asked.

FLASHBACK

I slid my finger around the rim of the small glass, still holding the remains of alcohol I hadn't finished. Picking it up, I downed the rest, cringing at the burning liquid sliding down my throat. "Want some more, sweetheart?" the bartender asked, leaning over the bar to look at me. I nodded, watching him fill the glass with the clear drink. "Now, I wouldn't have pegged you for a drinker. And certainly not a vodka drinker. Strong stuff," a man commented, dropping down next to me on a stool. He was attractive, with dark tanned skin and blond hair, kind of shaggy, but underneath it was a pair of stunning blue eyes. "I'm not…usually," I said with a small smile. "Whiskey on the rocks," he said to the bartender. "James," he said with a thick, southern drawl, extending his hand over the glass. "Sarah," I responded. "Ah, the dreaded wedding ring. You're married," he said catching a glimpse of the sparkling diamond on my left hand, raising his eyebrows a little, "And I'd venture to say to a very loaded husband." I rolled my eyes. "To a spinal surgeon who is never home, and could probably care less to know that I exist," I said with a sigh. "And that's why you're here, drinkin' away your sorrows of marrying a loser," he hypothesized with a grin. "Absolutely," I nodded, laughing a little. "To the alcohol, for bein' able to mask the pain we all feel. May you find what you're lookin' for at the bottom of a glass, " James said raising his glass. I brought mine to his with a quiet clink and a smile. "So, this surgeon, he just up and leaves such a…sexy female, without even carin'? Now that's just a shame," he said after taking a drink of the brownish liquid. I grinned, cocking one eyebrow at him. "Look, _James_, I'm a teacher. I have to deal with suck up students, and I learned really quickly how to pick up on their cues. I can see right through whatever the hell it is you're trying to do. I may be unhappy, but I'm still married," I said, picking up my glass and beginning to rise. "Now wait just a second, Sassafras…ya just wounded my ego from that snappy comeback," he said feigning hurt, "I know that was lame. Let me try again. How about another drink? We'll talk…no rushin' into something you don't want." He patted the stool I'd just risen from. With a sigh, I dropped back down. I didn't have anything else to do- Jack wasn't home, and this guy was starting to grow on me. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Either way, I wasn't going home to an empty house, and James seemed nice enough. Being an elementary school teacher, you learn to read people very well, and I didn't see the harm in him. Just flirty.

I exhaled deeply as James' lips brushed against my collarbone. "My God…" I moaned, closing my eyes and focusing on his soft, supple lips trailing down my shoulder, "Do you do this to every woman you meet at a bar?" My back was pressed against the elevator wall, James' body solid up against me. "Sugarpop, I can only wrap my mind around one thing at a time…" he whispered, coming back up to my neck. The doors made a loud dinging noise, and they opened into the hotel hallway. "Take me right now," I said firmly, suppressing the groan of pleasure that played at in my mouth. "Yes, ma'am," he said with a devilish grin. Picking me up, he carried me to the room he'd rented, artfully sliding the key in while showering me with kisses. Squirming out of his arms, I hit the floor and pulled him by the collar of his oxford to the bed, falling against it on my back. He was beautiful, leaning over me, his eyes hot and fiery. I pulled him down, my fingers unbuttoning as he kissed, Jack the farthest thing from my mind at that point.

I was never good at waking up. I moaned, my head throbbing dully. _You're drunk, Sarah. No, wait…you're hung-over._ I couldn't even remember how much alcohol I'd had. Probably not that much, but a little was a lot for me. Blinking heavily, I was took in my surroundings for the first time. I was wrapped in a sheet, laying in an unfamiliar bed…a hotel bed. Memories came floating back to me-the bar, the _vodka_, James. James. Where was he?I raised my eyebrows, thinking back to the fuzzy details of the night before. _Wow, we had some great sex…_Despite my apparent hangover, my body felt alive, electrified for the first time in a long time. I felt like I was glowing, radiating some energy I hadn't had in a while. I heard the shower running, and rose quickly from the bed. Finding my clothes scattered across the floor, I blushed faintly. _We'd been in a little of a hurry._ I picked up my underwear and dress, sliding them back on. I was just getting my bra back on when James came out from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. "Ya want me to help you get that back off?" he offered with a sly grin. "No, thanks. I think it'll stay on for a while," I said pushing some clothes off to find my purse. "Where ya going, sugar?" he asked, leaning against the frame. "Uh, home. To a shower, in my own bathroom…" "Come to Australia with me," he declared abruptly. "What the hell?" I asked, my jaw dropping. James watched me, his eyes intensely earnest. "Come to Australia with me. I've got some business there, and then we can move in somewhere nice. Get away from your damn husband…" "We're still together!" I exclaimed, raising my hands to point to my wedding ring, a small stab of guilt hitting me. "Divorce him. Look, sweetness, I'll buy you a plane ticket. Ditch the loser and come to Australia with me. You can call when you get there, and I'll come find ya. Deal?" He caught the obvious doubt in my eyes. "I really like you. I think we have something, but…" "Stop thinkin' and do what you want. Not what you think is right and noble," he encouraged. _Jack was a loser. Jack didn't love me like he used to. He never cared about me. Do something to make me happy. You have friends in Australia too. _"Okay." The words came out almost too easily, like I was excited about it. And, despite being inhibited my unsoberness, I was.

END FLASHBACK

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	14. False Hopes and Future Promises

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

My eyes stared past Jack, my thoughts weighing heavily on not what he'd done with Ana Lucia, what I'd done. "I'm going to walk for a little while," I said softly, pushing myself up from the sand. Jack's expression was hurt, like I was angry at him for what he'd done. _Had he forgotten what I did while we were still married! I screwed another guy, moved away for him. _I couldn't bear to look at him, so I turned away, heading down the beach, letting the water wash over my bare feet. I swallowed back the tears that welled in my eyes and throat, but that didn't stop a few from escaping and wiggling down my cheek. I was so stupid; Jack loved me. He'd already forgiven me for cheating on him. Why was I letting this get to me? _Relief? Maybe I was relieved because he'd done something stupid as well. It made us equal…_ "Sarah! Sarah, wait!" I turned back to see Jack jogging towards me. I inhaled deeply as he threw his arms around me, scooping me up in his embrace. _I don't deserve you. _"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything with Ana Lucia. I love you, and only you…" _Why are you apologizing! I should be apologizing to you…I never have for the terrible things I did to you, and you're still here…? _

FLASHBACK

Standing at the sink, washing dishes, I kept my eyes on the two sisters playing in the front yard. "They're cute, but don't let that sweet face fool you," Treva said joining me to help dry, "Trust me, I birthed them. Looks can be deceiving." I laughed, shaking my head. "Treve, they are precious! And you know it. I love listening to them call me 'Aunt Sarah'," I said grinning. "Yeah, they only do it because they want something-and they know you'll cave in and give it to them." Finishing the dishes, I dried my hands on a dishtowel and walked out onto the porch with Treva. "Thank you," I said after a moment of sitting in the sun. "For what? Letting you baby-sit my children and spoil them?" she asked, a soft smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "For just letting me stay here. I know Will kind of wants me to move out…" "Forget Will. You take up, what, like one small room in our house? Please. Besides, I love having you here. My life's been such a bore without some friends," she said, smirking. "Oh, please, Treva," I said waving my hand at the two girls running around the backyard, "How could _they _be boring?" The doorbell suddenly interrupted my thoughts, and my heart jumped a little. It'd been several months since I'd moved to Australia, in search of James, but when he never came around, I had given up. But every time the doorbell rang, the thoughts jumped to my head. "I'll get it…" Treva said rising. "No, let me. You stay with the girls. Go run around with them…" I said with a smile. I could hear Treva laughing as I strode to the front door. Swinging it open, my eyes widened, the smile falling from my features. "Sarah?" I found myself gazing up into Jack Shephard's eyes, as warm and passionate as they had been when I'd left him, standing dumbfounded and emotionally wrought in the kitchen, months ago. A shiver ran up my spine, followed by my muscles tightening. "What are you doing here, Jack? I told you…" "I was in Australia for…looking for my dad." My heart pulled a little at Jack's response. Christian had always been a great guy to me, but I did know that towards the end of Jack and my marriage, he'd developed a severe drinking problem. _See where it gets you?_ "Anyway, I looked you up, through a friend…" _Will._ "…and I wanted to come see you." Jack stumbled over the words, his cheeks flushing bright red. "Jack, I don't want to see you. I told you that when we divorced…" His shoulders slumped forward, making him look way beyond his age. Actually, studying his face, _he_ looked way beyond his age. His face was lined with worry, and dark circles surrounded his once stunning brown eyes. "Sarah, I…I was…everything I did was wrong. I made a mistake. I made a mistake…and this is my fault. It's my fault that you and me…I wasn't there, Sarah, I mean…we didn't even talk anymore. I hate every moment of what's happening, what happened to us, and I swear, if you'll give me the chance, I promise things will be different. I'm gonna…I'm going to work less. I'm gonna be here for you. Okay? I want to fix this. I want to go back to the way things were. I want to fix this," he finished, exhaling deeply, relieved that he'd gotten it all out. I bit my lip, trying not to scream. "I don't want to do back to the way we were. I don't ever want to go back there. I'm done trying to fix things with you. I'm done relying on your empty promises of fixing things. I don't want to see you here, ever again," I spat, my voice seething with some unbridled hatred that flared within me. I moved to close the door, but Jack held his hand up, and I almost gasped at the drastic change in his facial expression. His eyes were cold and empty, detached from me. A stony, hard rigid complexion had fallen across his face, shadowed only by a bitterness that hung over him. "You have to," he said, his voice low and almost demonic, "The divorce isn't finalized. You have to go back to L.A. to end this." Reaching in his suit coat, he pulled out a plane ticket, tossing it at me as he turned to leave. "It leaves tomorrow," he stated, storming back to his rental car.

END FLASHBACK

My arms finally regained some movement, and they clutched Jack so tightly to my body, I almost couldn't breathe. "I'm sorry, Jack," I whispered, burying my face in his shoulder. "I should have…I need to apologize for the things I did…I never loved anyone else. When I cheated…when I cheated on you, I was…I was angry and empty, but that doesn't give me an excuse…" "Do you love me now?" he asked, pulling me back to look him in the eyes. "God yes," I said, crashing my lips into his. It kind of hurt my cheek, but I didn't care. I had Jack, in my arms, holding me, saying that he loved me, kissing me. "Then that's all that matters to me," he said as we broke away. "That's all that ever mattered."

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	15. Something Worth Waiting For

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

Rolling over, I pulled my knees to my stomach, moaning at the sick feeling present this early in the morning. I tried to ignore it, swallowing hard, thinking it would go away. But, in one quick motion, I was to my feet, running to the jungle, hitting the edge just in time to vomit into the low shrubbery. _Good thing I'm a quiet puker._ After hurling for about ten minutes, I stood shakily to my feet and sighed, leaning heavily against a tree for support. "Sarah, are you okay?" I turned to look at Jack, who was moving quickly towards me, looking extremely worried and sleepy. "I'm fine. I just…had to pee. It's nothing," I said forcing myself to smile. Jack's eyes flickered, obviously not buying my story, but unlike him, he let it drop. Sighing, I turned toward the path to the hatch. "I think I'm going to see Kate and Sawyer," I mused, beginning to head that way. "Sarah, are you sure there's nothing wrong?" Jack asked again. I shook my head, plastering a large, fake smile. "I'm sure," I said, my voice trying to sound perky.

"Hey Kate. How is he?" I asked, shaking my damp hair away from my face. I felt terrible-I'd already thrown up two more times just on the way over here. "He's hanging in there. I got him to eat some mushed up fruit and keep some water down…but he drifts in and out a lot," she summarized, tossing a glance my direction. "Oh my God, Sarah! Are you alright?" she asked. I leaned tiredly against the door frame. "Yeah, just a little…nauseous. Probably something I ate," I shrugged, swallowing back the urge to puke again. "Why don't you go take a shower, stretch your legs a little. I'll watch him," I offered, seeing Kate's disheveled appearance. She glanced back to the sleeping Sawyer, then relented. "Okay, maybe just for a while. A shower does sound good," she said with a thankful grin. Taking her place in the metal chair next to the bed, I leaned my elbows on my knees, resting my chin in my hands. "Sawyer?" I whispered softly, making sure no one was in hearing range. "Can you hear me? I feel ridiculous…and I'm probably worrying about nothing, but…I think I'm pregnant," I let the words come out fast, almost like a relief to say them. "I know, I should be excited-I mean, this is what I always wanted, and Jack and I have tried so hard…but to be honest, I am terrified. What if I can't be the mother this baby needs? I mean, sometimes I can't even be the wife I should be for Jack…and what if Jack doesn't want a child right now? The first time I thought I was pregnant, back home, he seemed almost relieved that I wasn't….and on top of all that, how am I supposed to carry a baby full term here, on a freakin' tropical island, with no medical supplies, no hospitals…" "Would you quit your whining? That's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard," Sawyer mumbled, rolling his head to face me as he opened his eyes. I stared down at him, surprised he was even awake. "I'd better go get Kate…" I said, my cheeks flushing, and I moved quickly towards the door. "Now hang on for just a tick, there Barbie," Sawyer said, becoming more alert, "Just sit your ass down for a second." I obeyed, dropping back down in the chair. "You really think you're pregnant, Blondie?" he asked, pushing himself up to a sitting position, grimacing a little at the pain. "I've been sick all morning…and I'm late. That's a big, flashing sign, because I'm about as regular as…" "Okay, that's all a man needs to hear about _that_," he interrupted, holding up his good hand. "Not that I give a damn what you do, Barbie, but have you told good Saint Jack?" he asked, his eyes surprisingly earnest. "No…I…I know I should. He should have been the _first _one I told, instead of you…" "I was the first person you told? Well, damn," he said with a small smile. "Yeah, well, I thought you were unconscious. You're a good listener when your passed out," I commented with a devilish grin. "Gee, thanks, Barbie," he said gruffly, "Let me give you some advice. And believe you me, I'm the _last_ person to be comin' to advice for. But go talk to your damn husband. If you are carryin' around a _bundle of joy _in there," he said pointing to my stomach, "Jack-O deserves to know." I dropped my head, knowing that he was right. "Thanks, Sawyer," I said kissing his forehead, "You make a good listener-unconscious or awake." I rose, heading to the door. "Oh, and I'm glad you're okay. And so is Kate, so be sweet to her. You know, even if you are an asshole sometimes, she's really lucky. Because I think that you're something worth waitng for, whether you see that or not." I walked quickly to the bathroom, poking my head in the door. "Kate? Hate to interrupt your shower, but Sawyer's up…" "Damn it!" she cursed, wrenching the water off. Jerking on clothes, she bolted past me towards his room. I almost laughed, seeing how excited, almost giddy, she was to see him. Heading to the hatch doors, I made a pit-stop at the pantry, picking up an Apollo candy bar. _If I have to tell Jack he's going to be a father, might as well break it to him easily. _

Spotting Jack filling a few water bottles, I headed to him, feeling a knot form in my stomach, making me feel nauseous again. "Jack? Do you have a minute?" I asked quietly, feeling almost shy towards him. "Yeah. Sure, Sarah," he said screwing the caps on the bottles and stuffing one in his bag, handing me the other. "What's up?" he asked, sitting down close to me on the warm sand. I held up the candy bar, waving it in front of his face. "Sawyer says hey," I said as he took the chocolate. "He's up? That's good…" he said breaking off a piece of the chocolate bar and handing it to me. "But what's this for? Last time we had chocolate, we…" his voice trailed off, a grin playing at his lips. "No! Well, I mean, that wouldn't be bad…but that's not what I'm after," I said laughing. My eyes fell serious as I stared at him, his warm brown ones watching my every move. "Jack, I…I think…I mean, I'm pretty sure…" "Sarah, what's wrong? Is this about what happened this morning?" he asked kindly, rubbing tiny circles on my arm. "No, well, sort of…Jack, I'm almost positive that I'm…I'm pregnant," I finished, letting my eyes fall to the sand. "Really? Sarah…that's…that's…wow, sweetie, that's _amazing_!" he said with a huge smile. I turned to him, tears welling in my eyes. "You think so? You want a baby right now? I mean, I wasn't sure if you wanted a child at all…" "Sarah, I'm so excited-for both of us! I love you, and I'd love to have a baby. This is what we've been trying for. Is that what's bothering you? You think I don't want a baby? Sarah, sometimes the thoughts that go through your head are absolutely some of the stupidest things ever!" he laughed, pulling me close. I grinned. "I'm not going to take offense to that statement," I said, tears spilling down my cheeks. Kissing my head, he rested his cheek close to mine, his stubble brushing away the tears on my face. "I love you," he sighed, enclosing me in his arms, his hands coming to rest on my stomach warmly.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	16. Identity Crisis

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

"Boy or girl?" Claire asked giddily, as we strolled down the surf. I rolled my eyes. "Claire, I told you that I don't know. I've told you that every single time you've asked me, since I've been pregnant!" I said with a laugh, bringing my hands to rest on my growing stomach. It'd been, give or take, about a month since I'd figured out I was pregnant, and I was already gaining a bit of a tummy, which I was bittersweet about. "Oh, come on! You have to have a guess! Boy or girl?" I exhaled, looking up at the darkly growing sky, a slight rumble echoing overhead. "Girl. I always wanted a girl. But I'm sure Jack would want a boy, and I certainly wouldn't complain." The rumble grew louder, and I touched the girl's arm, stopping our walk. "Not that I'm not enjoying this, but I certainly don't' want to get soaked on the way back to the beach. Let's go on back," I suggested turning around. We walked quickly, trying to avoid the rain, but it didn't work. About 100 yards from the camp, the rain came, hard and heavy. I took off down the beach, Claire close behind me, hurrying to get out of the downpour. Laughing hysterically, actually enjoying the feel of the rain against my skin, I tore to my tent, finding Jack peering out, watching me with an amused grin across his face. "Join me!" I squealed, holding my arms out and spinning around. "Are you crazy!" "Absolutely," I responded, pulling him from out underneath the dry tent. Jack looked perturbed, but grabbed my hand, twirling me into his arms, kissing me, holding my face in both his hands. "This reminds me of the shower…except we're dressed," I commented as he broke away. Water trailed down his face, dripping onto my close skin. "Not here," he said, starting to pull back. "Here," I said, jerking him back in and letting our lips collide back together, my fingers sliding through his short hair, flicking the water droplets out of it. Finally pulling apart, I laughed, pushing my soaked hair away from my face. "I love the rain…and you…you _in_ the rain…it gives me two for the price of one," I whispered with a grin. "Can we get out of it now? Not that I don't love _you_ in the rain, but I'd love you more if you were dry, under the tent," he exclaimed, waving his hand towards the dry, inviting tarped area. I sighed, pretending to be exasperated, and failing miserably due to the huge smile on my face. "I guess."

Putting on some dry clothes, I waited for the rain to stop, then wandered back out onto the beach. Looking around, my eyes widened. "Kate? Sawyer!" I called, spotting the two walking slowly onto the beach from the path to the hatch. Glancing up at me, Kate looked thrilled and amused, while Sawyer looked more pissed off and agitated. "He's driving me crazy, and I think that if he spent one more week in the hatch, he'd snap. I know Jack ordered a month of bed rest, but the man needed to stretch his legs, see the sun. Except that in attempting to see the sun, it started raining on the way here," she explained, shaking the wet locks of hair from her face, keeping her body pressed against Sawyer's, who was leaning heavily against her, his good arm slung around her shoulders. Kate gazed around, then brightened. "I'm going to get Jack so he can look at your shoulder, " she said wiggling out from under him and heading off. "You look good, Sawyer," I said with a smile. And he did; much better than the ragged, deathly man he had been when Eko had brought him in a month ago. "Yeah, well…had a good nurse," he drawled, nodding his head towards Kate, who was animatedly talking to Jack. I grinned, leaning close to his ear. "You know, you _could_ just tell her you like her. This isn't high school," I said softly. That classic 'Sawyer look' flashed across his face for a split second, then it was quickly replaced with the smoldering grin. "Now why would I do that? There's only one reason I can think of, and it seems the good doctor wouldn't want two woman struttin' 'round here pregnant," he said, his voice low. "Is that all you think about!" I asked, cocking my hands on my hips. "Sugarpop, I can only wrap my mind around one thing at a time," he countered, crossing his arms across his chest with a triumphant smile. My eyes widened, and my heart thumped wildly in my chest, making that the only thing I could here in my mind. "What did you just say?" I asked, very quiet all of a sudden. _It can't be…can it? That's not possible._ "I can only wrap my mind…" "No, what did you call me?" I asked, now very sure I'd heard right. "Uh…sugarpop?" he repeated, "What's the deal? That what Jack-O calls you?" I shook my head numbly, my eyes glued on him. "James?" Now, it was Sawyer's turn to gawk at me, a scowl falling across his handsome features. "What did you…" "My God, it is you!" I gaped, my cheeks growing hot from blushing. "What the hell are you going on about?" he asked, now clearly irritated. "You don't remember me? At a bar in L.A., the vodka drinker? The teacher? My husband was the spinal surgeon…" "Holy shit…" he cursed, his eyes growing wide with shock, surprise, and a strange fear. "What's going on?" Jack asked, joining us, followed by Kate. I was speechless, my mind unable to form words. "Sarah?" "Nothing. We were just chattin', Doc. And Barbie said somethin' embarrassin'," Sawyer said, trying to keep his voice at a normal, sarcastic tone. "Let me have a look at your arm, and then you and Kate can go. I just want to make sure it's healing okay," he said, dragging a belligerent Sawyer away, leaving Kate and I together, my face still frozen in the complete state of shock. _This isn't possible. How could something like this happen? I am on the island with the man I love and the man that I left him for. _

Catching a glimpse of a shadow pass under the tent, I waited patiently for whomever it was to come in. "Barbie?" _Didn't see that one coming._ Swallowing hard, I cleared my throat. "Door's open," I called, and Sawyer poked his head in, his eyes falling on the empty tent. "Don't worry, Jack's not here. He went to the hatch to go talk to John for a minute," I said, sighing. Sawyer was quiet for the first time I could remember on the island, and he looked…regretful. "Sawyer…" "Listen, Sarah," he interrupted, holding a hand up for me to stop, "Let me get this out." I watched a change flash across his face, and he became the James I knew. "When I was eight, my momma got conned by a man, romanced her to get the money, wiped 'em out clean, left a mess behind. Daddy came home one night, screamin' and yellin'. He shot my momma, then killed himself. But that ain't the sad part. When I was 19, I needed six grand to pay off these guys I was in trouble with. So, I found a pretty lady with a dumb husbands she wasn't happy with who had some money. And I got her to give it to me. How's that for a tragedy? I became Sawyer, the con man, but I was still James to the women. I saw you in that bar, and I knew you were unhappy with your husband. So, I started up my gig. But I never finished with you. Because damn you, if you still loved your husband. So, I thought I'd give it a shot, try and get you to come with me. But you wouldn't do that either. Had to clean up the mess you'd created. I went on to do my business, and I let you go. I never knew…" "I came to Australia for you," I blurted. He stared at me. "I can see that now," he said with a deep sigh. I shook my head. "No, you don't understand," I said softly, reaching over to touch his arm, "I owe you my marriage, Sawyer. If I wouldn't have come to Australia looking for you, then I wouldn't have been on the plane with Jack, and I wouldn't have been here…" I said, my eyes brimming with tears. "Thank you," I finished with a watery smile. He shook his head, dropping his face to hide the smirk. "I never had a girl _thank_ me for screwing them," he said bringing his gaze up to me. "Yeah, well, this is a one time thing. And I'm _not _thankful for you…sleeping with me…although…" "I've gotta say, Barbie, Ken's a lucky man," he said rising and leaving before I could return his sly comment. "Thanks, Sawyer…James," I whispered again, bringing my gaze to my growing tummy, "You don't even know how thankful I am."

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	17. Hearts and Souls

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

My legs ached by the time I reached the hatch doors, I and rubbed my back with the palm of my hand, leaning up against the door for a minute. _This sucks. I hate the fact that I'm sore, tired, and as big as a whale. _Pulling the door open, I wandered in, heading towards the computer room. "Jack?" I called, stepping into the big, open room. I was greeted by Ana Lucia's steely gaze. "Oh, sorry," I apologized, turning to leave. "Jack said he'd be back in a few and for you to chill down here 'till he gets back," she quipped, resting against the desk chair. I nodded, crossing to the sofa in against the wall, near the bookshelves and dropping my body to it, letting my head roll back against the cushions. "How far along are you?" she asked, very dryly from across the room. I sat up, beaming. "Four months. But it feels like an eternity," I said, trying to ignore the tension that was sitting between us. "When I was pregnant, my mom would find me in my office with both legs propped up on the desk and my shoes laying kicked off somewhere in the floor because my legs hurt so bad," Ana said with a bitter smile. I sat up a little straighter, my hands resting against my knees. "You were pregnant?" She dropped her gaze to the computer, seeming to be in some place far away. "Yeah, I was once," she said very quietly. My heart immediately went out to the clearly suffering girl, no older than I was, but more loaded with baggage than I'd ever be. "Ana, I'm sorry," I said firmly. Her dark head jerked up, staring at me with a confused, bewildered look. "Me too," she said, very simply, but the look in her eyes told me she really was. And that was all that needed to be said. Biting my lip, I looked around. "Ana, just tell Jack to come find me on the beach, okay? I think I'm going to head back," I said rising. She shrugged, but I knew she would. Heading out, my mind drifted back to Ana. She was so bitter, so cold, but underneath, it was heartbreaking. I didn't know if she had her baby, or if something happened to it, but I couldn't bear to stay in there with her. I realized that the coldness, the hardness, was all a façade. She was just as vulnerable as everybody else, but I wondered what made her the way she was. By the time I finished this thought, I was back at the beach, my feet sinking into the soft sand.

"I told Ana Lucia to tell you to meet me in the hatch," Jack complained, dropping down next to me and pulling me close, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. "She did," I said simply, looking up at him, "But I had to come back down here." "You want to talk about it?" Jack asked, feeling the tension in my body. "You know, if we were here, under different circumstances, this island is beautiful," I commented, staring out at the setting sun, mixing with the bright blue of the water and the pink and orange hues brushed against the sky. We sat in silence for a second, before I finally shifted under Jack's hold. "Ana and I had a moment," I said quietly. "A moment? Does that entail beating the crap out of her again? She's alive, right?" he asked, jokingly, but his face feigned seriousness. "You know, I beat up one person, and I'm considered the island bully. Yeah, she's alive and kicking," I said sarcastically. "Sorry, I shouldn't have joked. Go on," he encouraged, squeezing me a little. "Did you know she had a baby?" "No. We didn't get a chance to talk much about her life," Jack said contemplatively. "I think maybe she lost it. I don't know how, but I think she did," I said softly. "Well, that could explain why she is…the way she is. But what does this have to do with you?" Jack asked. "We kind of…bonded…it wasn't much. But I felt so bad sitting down there with her. I felt like I was bringing up some bad memories that she'd kept pushed away. So, I left," I finished, looking up at him. "Always thinking of someone else. That's definitely the teacher in you, Sarah. You walked all the way back here, tired and achy, just so you wouldn't upset her? You're a good woman, you know that?" he said, kissing the top of my head and resting his cheek against my hair. "You don't think…I mean…the baby's going to be okay, right?" I asked, my fingers inching up to my large, round stomach. Jack tilted my chin up to look at him. "Sarah, I promise you, this baby is going to be happy and healthy…and look just like me," he said with a coy grin. "I snuggled up closer to him, sighing. "You wish…it's got half of my genes too," I said smiling, but I could feel my body relaxing, more calm just after Jack's simple promise to me.

I shifted, turning the page of the book Kate had swiped for me, attempting to find a comfortable position to sit in. Being a whopping eight months pregnant, nothing was comfortable, but sometimes, it was easier to stay seated and be uncomfortable than to try and get up and be uncomfortable. "So tell me, how did you manage to get a hold of Sawyer's bunny book?" Jack asked, crouching down next to me. "Kate," I answered simply, laying it across my lap. Jack ducked his head to hide his smile. "Makes sense. So, you want to go for a walk?" he asked, meeting my eyes. "Are you kidding me, Jack! I can barely move, much less go on a walk somewhere! And is that really a good idea…" "Sarah, I'm your _doctor_. Come on, you need to stretch your legs," he said extending his hand. With a reluctant sigh, I took it, and Jack heaved me to my feet. "Let's go," he said leading me towards the jungle. "Jack…" I started, looking wary. "Trust me, Sarah," he said, a smile playing against his lips.

FLASHBACK

I stretched my legs out, all the way to the edge of the floorboards in Jack's car. "Feels good, doesn't it?" he asked, tearing his gaze away from the road to look at me. "No braces, no walker, no physical therapy. It feels better than good," I said wriggling my toes in my boots. Jack smiled, and I turned to look at him, his handsome features focused on the drive. "What?" he asked, glancing worriedly at me. "Nothing. Just watching. So, where are we going again?" I asked quickly, trying to slide the question in. Jack laughed, shaking his head. "Nice try. But no, I'm not telling you," he said. I pouted, folding my arms across my chest. "Aww…that's why they call it a surprise, Sarah. Because you're supposed to be _surprised_." "But Jack…" "Just trust me," he said, reaching over and squeezing my hand, flashing me a confident, coy smile.

END FLASHBACK

"Jack, are you _sure_ you know where you're going? Because, call it a hunch, but I think you're lost," I asked, picking my way through the branches and vines. "I know exactly where we are. I'm not lost," Jack said defiantly, "See, that leaf looks extremely familiar. It's this way." He turned back to continue walking, "I think." I froze a few feet behind him. "Did you just say, 'I think'?" I asked, stumbling after him. I caught up when Jack stopped, on the edge of the jungle. "We're here," he said, taking my hand and leading me out. I gasped, my eyes falling on the sight before me. Torches lit the secluded beach we stood on, and across the sand, a blanket was spread, on top of it a small picnic. "Jack, it's beautiful…" I said with a watery smile. "It's just for you. A celebration before the baby comes. A night just for you and me," he whispered, kissing me warmly.

FLASHBACK

"We're here," Jack stated, pulling the car onto a gravel driveway and parking. I frowned, glancing around into the darkness. "Where exactly is _here_?" I asked, but Jack was already out of the car, opening my door. I walked with him up the driveway to a large, plain, concrete building, stopping at the door. "Jack, what's going on?" I asked, now unsure of what we were doing. "Sarah, _trust me_," he pleaded, pushing open the door and letting me inside. It was practically empty, except for the few maintenance-looking people. Jack literally dragged me across the floor to another set of doors. "Close your eyes," he requested, taking both my hands in his. "No. Jack, I've had enough surprises…" "Please, Sarah," he said softly. I relented with a sigh, closing them. I felt Jack lead me through the doors, a cool blast of air hitting my skin. "Open them," he whispered, stepping back beside me. My mouth fell open, and my hand moved automatically to it as I stared a the ice skating rink in front of me. It was completely empty, and two pairs of skates were leaning against a bench, soft music playing from the speakers overhead. "Jack…" I said softly. "It's for you. A celebration…for you finishing your physical therapy. And being able to do things like this again," he added with a smile. "It's amazing! You're amazing, Jack!" I squealed, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing his cheek.

I swirled and glided across the ice, a smile permanently plastered on my face. Jack watched from the sidelines, an amused grin across his handsome face. I stopped across the rink, turning to him. "Are you coming out here, or are you just going to stand there?" I asked, planting my gloved hands on my hips. Jack dropped his gaze, staring at the ice. "I'm…uh, not very good…" "You mean, the perfect, 'I'm Sarah's hero because I'm so wonderful at everything' Jack Shephard is _bad_ at something?" I said mockingly, a grin flashing across my face. "Yeah…well…" I glided over to him, reaching out and taking his hands. "Come on. It's not so hard," I said. Jack had a white-knuckled grip on my arms as we skated to the middle of the arena. "See, this isn't so hard," I said with an encouraging smile. About that time, Jack caught the edge of the skate and went flailing to the ice. Not moving fast enough, he caught my arm and pulled me down too. "Sarah, are you okay?" Jack asked worriedly. I couldn't respond; I was laughing too hard. "That was _not _funny," Jack said stubbornly. "No, you're completely right," I said in between giggles, "It was hilarious." Jack feigned a pout, and I disentangled myself from him, crawling across the ice to his face. "Don't worry, Jack. I still love you, even if you suck at skating," I whispered, kissing him warmly, my arms wrapping around him in complete happiness.

END FLASHBACK

Leaning back against Jack's chest, straddled between his legs, we watched the sunset together. No talking, no words-just the comfortable silence of each other's company. Jack had both arms laced under mine, one resting on my stomach, the other rubbing my hand that was underneath his. His chin was propped on the top of my head, and I could feel his warm breath blowing rhythmically through my hair. "This is perfect, Jack. Thank you," I said, finally breaking the silence. He squeezed me gently. "You deserved it. I just wanted to get it right this time. After all the screw-ups and distance between us, I wanted to give you exactly what you deserved." I tilted my head back to look in his eyes, catching the smile that was playing at his lips. "Which was…?" I ventured, catching his contagious smile. "Me, of course," he said bending and kissing me, warm and inviting. "Just me. All of me, no commitments, no schedules, no work. Just me," he said softly, kissing me again, this time, his tongue slipping into my mouth, sending a shiver through me. "You know, I could get used to this Jack Shephard," I added, this time, my lips reaching up to meet his.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	18. Failing You

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

Waking up in Jack's arms was one of the best feelings. I didn't get that opportunity very often; usually, he was up way before I was, already checking on the people that needed him and helping out somebody. But for right now, it wasn't about anyone else. _It is about you._ So, here he was, holding me, his hand warm against my chilled skin, still asleep. I wiggled around to face him, causing him to stir. "Hi," I said softly. He smiled at me, looking relaxed and affectionate. "Hey back," he said, leaning close to kiss me. "We better get back, I guess. I'm sure the camp's already falling apart without you," I said after a few minutes. He nodded and helped me up, and after cleaning up and packing up, we walked back, this time down the beach, which was easier on me. "Jack!" Sayid yelled, jogging to meet us, "We need your help. We have a…situation in the hatch." The man's eyes shifted to me, and he looked slightly distressed. Jack nodded, turning to me. "Sarah, I'm…" "See, I told you. Falling apart. Go-it's fine. I got you for a night. It's only fair," I said with a small smile. Jack looked uneasy, like he really didn't want to leave, but sighed. "Okay, let's go," he said, dropping me and the stuff at the tent and leaving with Sayid. I watched them go, then decided to go into the jungle to see if I could find any fruit that I wouldn't have to climb to get to; I was hungry. Wandering in, I inhaled deeply, taking in the musty heaviness of the jungle. It made me nervous to be in here, like a boding bad omen. Especially with that…_thing._ Finding some fallen fruit, I bent to pick it up when the roaring, churning sound echoed in front of me. I jerked up, wide-eyed, terror stricken. _Run._ But I knew I couldn't. Not with the baby. Hell, I could barely _walk_. I turned, my eyes searching for someplace to hide. I found a thicket of bamboo, and wiggled myself inside, breathing hard. I clamped my eyes shut as the thing approached, terrified. The monster-thing pounded against the bamboo, making a scream escape my lips. But after a minute or two, it just disappeared. I stayed, huddled in the corner, too scared to move. _Jack. You need Jack._ Finally willing myself to get up and go find him, I pushed myself up and out of the thicket, only to end up back on the ground, blinded by a sharp pain that ripped through my stomach. "Oh my God…" I moaned, gripping my stomach tightly, unable to move. They were continuous and strong, and there was no one around. I screamed, praying that someone was close enough to hear it. I could barely catch my breath, and I could feel my chest hurting from the lack of oxygen. Everything was spinning, dizzily swaying underneath me. And on top of that, the sharp pains never ceased. Suddenly, in the corner of my eye, I spotted Jin, Sun's husband, staring wide-eyed at me. "Jack…" I gasped, "Get JACK!" He looked at me, seeming to understand, and bolted away.

It seemed like an eternity before anyone showed back up, and by that time, I was barely conscious. "Oh my God…" I recognized Sawyer's voice, low and drawled. I could hear Jin speaking rapidly in Korean, but the first thing I saw was Jack. And the look in his eyes was bad; I knew it. "SARAH! Sarah….what happened!" Jack asked frantically, coming to kneel beside me. I shook my head, biting my lip, trying not to scream as another pain racked my body. "Jack, I think she's having contractions…" Sayid said very quietly. "NO!" I gasped out, shaking my head, "It…can't be…" "Jack…" Kate's voice was tight, "Jack, she's _bleeding_." _This couldn't be happening. Not to me. I had gone through too much to lose everything, _Jack started belting out orders, his voice laced with fear. "Sawyer, I need towels and water. NOW! Sayid, go to the hatch and get my leather bag. It's got all the medical supplies in it," Jack roared, then immediately turned to me. "Jack…" I cried, tears rolling down my cheeks. "Sarah, I promise you, I am going to fix this. You are going to be fine, and so is the baby," he said tightly. "Kate, switch places with me," he said. The young girl moved to my head, taking my hand in hers. "You heard him," she said with a smile, "It'll be okay."

The next few hours were a blur of pain and tears. I'd never hurt so badly in my life. Kate stayed beside me the entire time, and I could see, vaguely, Sawyer and Sayid there as well. By the time Jack had me push through the final contraction, I couldn't bear any more. My body gave out on itself, and I felt my head hit Kate's arm as I blacked out.

Waking up, I found myself on a bed. _Well this is nicer than the ground_. "Sarah…" Jack was beside me, looking relieved. But his eyes were red and swollen, like he'd been crying. And, upon a closer look, he still was. He sat down, cradling my head in his arms. "Jack…Jack, where's the baby?" I asked, my voice tightening tears that threatened to overflow. I could hear Jack sobbing above me. "Sarah, I…I tried to…you had, uh, complications with the delivery…" Jack could barely get out any complete sentence, and I could feel his tears dripping onto my skin, "I had to…make a decision. The anxiety, the stress to your body must have amped up your pregnancy…I had to save you…you were bleeding everywhere, Sarah…I couldn't watch you die in front of me…" "Jack, the baby…" I choked out, knowing the answer was coming but not wanting to hear it. Jack wiped his face with a hand, but it didn't stop the tears. "Sarah, the baby died during the birth. It was…he was extremely premature and out here…I couldn't have…" I shook my head in his arms, tears rolling down my face, falling with Jack's. "He?" I whispered through the sobs. "Yeah. It was a _he_," Jack said, his body trembling. With Jack's final statement, I broke. My entire body shook with sobs, hard and suffocating. I couldn't stop. I'd lost the one thing I'd wanted, more than anything. Jack held me, sliding into the bed, crying along with me.

Sitting and crying. That's all I managed to do. I couldn't handle people. I could barely handle Jack's presence. Just when I thought I didn't have anything left to cry, I found more tears splashing down my face. My eyes ached for relief, and my head swam from the tears, but I couldn't stop them from coming. I looked and felt like I was in a thick fog, very unlike my normal, chatty, upbeat personality. I had gotten myself out of the hatch, unable to stay in there with the baby's…corpse. Jack was supposed to come and get me to bury him today. But there was something else I had to do before that time came.

Standing next to Jack, I watched him move to the freshly buried grave that he had dug early this morning. It wasn't near the others; it was secluded, away from the distractions of people, close to the beach spot where Jack and I had been just a few days ago. Kneeling down, he carefully placed the tiny, wrapped body inside. I hadn't been able to bring myself to look at our baby for days. Sun had helped Jack wrap him, and when nobody was around, I had finally slipped in and managed to look at him. He was beautiful, but so very small; he probably could have fit in Jack's hands. His skin was a sheet of white, and as my fingers had brushed him, a new wave of fresh tears found their way to my eyes. "Sarah…?" Jack was talking softly to me, in a hushed voice. I could see that he was taking this much worse than I was. After all, he had promised the life of our child, and was unable to save him. And on top of that, he'd been dealing with it alone; I had certainly been no comfort. In fact, I had rather been alone than with my own husband; the grief was easier that way. But Jack was struggling to keep his emotions in check, clearly not wanting to upset me anymore than I already was. "Do you want to say something?" he evidently repeated. Lifting my head, I nodded. Fumbling in my jeans pocket, I pulled out a folded piece of paper. "I wrote…I…I wrote a letter to him," I said quietly, tears already starting to overflow. Inhaling deeply, I unfolded it as Jack came to stand beside me.

_"Dear Christian James Shephard," _

Jack stopped me, putting his hand to my arm. "You named the baby _Christian_?" he asked, his voice barely audible. His eyes were red-rimmed and already watery, and I could feel his hand trembling on my arm. "Yeah. I thought it was…if you don't…it was for your dad…" I stammered, but Jack shook his head. "It's perfect, Sarah. And the _James_?" I let my eyes fall back to the letter. "I like the name James," I said simply, brushing the tears that slid down my face with the back of my hand. He nodded, wiping his eyes and turning back to the baby. Trying to regain my composure, I started again.

_"You were and always will be my firstborn, beautiful baby boy. I love you more than my own life, and nothing will ever replace the place in my heart for you. Life isn't always fair. Sometimes, things happen that we can't always explain or understand. But I want you to know, that mommy and daddy tired to save…tried to save you…" _

I was beginning to choke on my own words, unable to even get them out. My vision was blurry, and no matter how many times I brushed them away, the tears came back. Feeling my legs give beneath me, I fell to the ground, sobbing. _It was too much. This was too much. I'm burying my son. _ I cried for Christian, for the baby lying alone in the dirt in front of me, for Jack, whom I could hear crying above me. Silently, I heard Jack step beside me and take the paper from my hands. Clearing his throat, he continued my letter:

_"You were too small and frail, and mommy was too sick to keep you alive. But daddy blames himself for all that happened. But I know that you know better. I know that you can see that it was never daddy's fault, and I know that you don't blame him; neither do I…" _

Jack's voice broke, but he kept reading:

_I want you to know that no matter where you are, a part of me will be with you too. I will always remember you, and will think on all the things that you would have accomplished. You will always be loved. You were loved before you were even born. Thank you for the little joy that brought me for eight months. You are, and will always be, my son."_

Jack broke into sobs, kneeling down next to me, both arms wrapping around my shoulders. I reached up, clinging to him, crying into his arm. Leaning over, he placed the paper into the grave. "_Christian James_," he whispered, saying it to himself like he would forget it. But I knew he wouldn't ever. And neither would I.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	19. Leaving Without Saying 'Goodbye'

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

I recognized the look on Jack's face when he came back to the beach, along with Sawyer, Kate, and John, from the hatch. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" I asked, rising and brushing the sand from my jeans. "Yeah. Yeah, Sarah, something happened," Jack said quietly, running a hand through his short hair. "There was a man in the hatch. We thought he was one of the Others, the one's who kidnapped Walt. He got out and…Sarah, he shot Ana Lucia and Libby," he finished. I bit my lip, trying to take in what he'd just said. _More people to bury. You just buried your son less than two weeks ago, and now you have to bury two more._ "Jack, I'm sorry," I said softly, pulling myself close to him. I don't think that Jack and I could cry anymore. Jack just felt and looked defeated. "We're going to have the funeral tomorrow at dusk. Will you go with me, Sarah? I know…" I nodded, my hands rubbing his back. "Of course I will," I interrupted, but as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I realized I wasn't sure if I could handle another funeral, much less Ana's.

Standing next to Kate, I watched Jack and Sayid carry the two wrapped bodies of Libby and Ana to the graves. People were crowded around, probably, if I had to guess, more for Libby than they were for Ana. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw tears streak down Kate's cheek. Swallowing hard, I wrapped both arms around her shoulders, letting her cry. I didn't know why she was taking it so hard, but who was I to judge her? Sawyer, who was parked right next to the hole in the sand, looked on the verge of a breakdown, very unlike him. Jack still looked beaten, and the tension that hung over the group of people was thick. Everyone already knew about Walt's kidnapping, they had found out about Shannon's death, they heard about the baby's funeral, and now, they were witnessing the funerals of people who'd been murdered by one of the Others, which had apparently been living in the hatch for some time. Patience had been stretched thin over the past few weeks, and I was not an exception. Jack stepped forward, preparing to say something. He threw a sideways glance in my direction, where I was still comforting a quietly sobbing Kate, then found his voice. "Ana-Lucia Cortez was…before we crashed she was a police officer. I don't think it was easy for her being here, but I think she did the best she could. She was a woman of few words, and I'm going to follow in her example. Rest in peace, Ana," he finished, picking up a handful of sand and sprinkling it over her body. He moved to stand beside me, and Kate automatically let go, allowing me to take Jack's hand. A small, but meaningful gesture. Laying my head against his shoulder, we watched Hurley step forward. Rumor had been going around that Libby and Hurley were…becoming close, and by the look on Hurley's face, I believed they were true. "Libby was…she was…Libby was a psychologist, or a psychiatrist…one of those. Either way, she probably helped a lot of people. She helped me. She was my friend. It's not fair that this happened to her. It's not," he ended, choking back the overwhelming tears. "I'm going with you, man." I jerked my head up, completely at a loss to what was going on. "Jack…?" I asked, following Hurley's gaze to Michael, who was standing back behind everyone. "I'll explain after this," he said lowly, squeezing my hand.

"What the hell's going on! Where are they going!" I demanded, my voice rising to a very high octave. Jack stopped my pacing body to look me in the eyes. "Sarah, Michael has been gone. He took some guns from the hatch to go find Walt," Jack said. I stared at him, open-mouthed, completely confused. "Okay…keep going," I urged, a little more calm. Jack sighed, tilting his head back a little. "He showed back up a few days ago. You were so wrapped up with…with the pregnancy, I just didn't think it was a good time…Anyway, Michael says that he knows where the Others' camp is, and that they are barely armed. He wants to take a group and go back out there after them." I processed all this information. "Okay, but what did this have to do with Hurley?" "Michael only wanted five people to go. Hurley was one of them, but originally, he refused to go." I nodded, fearing my next question. "And who are the other four?" Jack pulled his gaze away from me, looking down at the sand. "Kate, Sawyer, Michael, and me," he responded quietly. I had already begun shaking my head. "No," I stated, taking a step back away from him. "Not this time." Jack looked at me desperately, like he'd already anticipated this response. "Sarah…" I moved so quickly to him, he looked taken aback. "You listen to me, Jack. I already lost one man I loved. I am not taking the risk of losing another," I said sharply, my voice edged with an unhinged fear and defiance. "Sarah, I can't let them go off on their own. And Michael says that the Others aren't even heavily armed…" I laughed bitterly at him, completely stunned. "I don't give a_ damn_ how many guns they have! I don't want to have to bury you beside our son! Can you not understand that?" I found myself screaming, and I could feel the other castaways watching our argument, whispering to each other. "And I don't want to have to bury my wife because she'd been killed by one of the crazy lunatics on the island!" Jack retorted, his voice just as vicious as mine. "You would rather leave me here, alone?" I asked, raising my arms, exasperated. "Sarah, they killed two of our people. They won't stop at that, and you know it. They still have Michael's son…I need you to understand where I'm coming from," Jack said, his tone a little lower, more pleading. I shook my head, trying to stay as angry at him as possible without revealing how hurt I really was. "I can't, Jack. I can't understand why you're wanting to go commit suicide in a _war_ with the Others. But I know that obviously, I can't stop you," I said, turning away and going to our tent.

"Sarah?" I chose not to respond to Jack's call. "Sarah, I need you to know something. Sayid thinks that Michael's…not himself. That this is a trap. We've come up with a plan, but I've still got to go. And we're leaving now," he added. I could feel his eyes glued on me, desperately wanting me to respond. "Sarah, please…" "Goodbye Jack," I said, feeling a wave of deja-vu hit me.

FLASHBACK

I heard the front door open as I cleaned up the mess on the dining room table, carrying plates and glasses back to the kitchen. "Hey," Jack greeted, dropping his suit coat over the back of a dining room chair. "Hey. How'd it go?" I asked, trying to sound interested, but I refused to meet my gaze to his. Instead, I continued to clean, moving swiftly back and forth. I knew Jack had been working on some girl's father with a large, normally fatal tumor. "He died," Jack responded as I reentered the dining room. I actually felt a stab of sympathy towards him; Jack looked defeated, crushed that he couldn't save this girl's dad. "I'm sorry," I said as gently as I could. "Yeah, me too. Who was over?" he asked, catching me carrying two sets of dishes away. "My mom," I replied, still not making eye contact with him. And that wasn't a lie. "The bridge game okay?" he asked. I thought fast. "Oh yeah, she's on a streak." _Now that was a lie._ "Did you uh…did you eat?" Jack ran a hand over his face, and I looked at him for the first time tonight, feeling terrible. "Yeah. No, it's uh…it's late. I'm fine." Ducking his stare, I moved to the kitchen and started loading things into the dishwasher. "So how'd the daughter take it? What's her name, Gabriela?" I asked, trying to make small talk. _This is pathetic. You're chit-chatting with your husband._ "She kissed me." My hands froze, and Jack picked up on the small gesture. "Yeah, she…she kissed me and I kissed her back. I…I don't know…I don't know what happened. I made a mistake. I'm sorry, Sarah," Looking up, I saw Jack was crying, single tears sliding down his cheeks. He moved to hug me as I straightened, but I couldn't will myself to hug him back. Clearing my throat, I found my voice. "Jack. Jack. I'm leaving you," I said very quietly. He pulled back, his face distorted with hurt and surprise. "What?" I moved away from him, unable to control what little bit of feelings I still felt for him. "I was already leaving you. That's why my mother was here. She was helping me pack. I've been seeing someone…someone else. I have to. I can't…I can't stay," I finished, tears choking the last few words out of my mouth. "Sarah," was the only thing that came out of Jack. He sounded desperate, his voice hoarse from crying. I whirled to face him, my own tears blinding my sight. "You…you will always need something to fix. Goodbye Jack," I said, reaching for my left hand and with a gentle tug, pulled my wedding rings off my finger. I could feel Jack's eyes on me as I laid them together on the countertop, next to some of the mail. Forcing my feet to move to the door, I left a stunned Jack Shephard still standing in the kitchen.

END FLASHBACK

Jack stood there, staring at me with so much pain in his eyes, I had to turn away. Mustering up some movement, Jack knelt down beside me and kissed my cheek, his hand raking through my hair. "Bye Sarah," he said softly. And that was it. He rose, and left the tent silently. My heart was screaming. _Go after him! He's your husband! Go get him! _But my body couldn't be willed to move.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	20. Looking For Something Not So Lost

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

"Um, excuse me? Sarah?" I glanced up from my spot in the sand to see Sun standing beside me. "Yeah?" I asked, forcing myself to rise. I was regaining some composure after my spat with Jack yesterday, but I wiped my eyes at the few stray tears that were still there. "Oh, I am sorry…" she started, but I reached out to take her arm. "No, please. It's fine, really. I'm okay," I said giving her a very small, weak smile. She returned it, nodding her head, but then a wave of worry washed over her. "You have not seen my wedding ring, have you?" she asked pleadingly. "No, Sun. I'm very sorry. Did you lose it?" I asked, searching the young woman's face. "Yes, I did. And I do not know where. I have looked everywhere…" "What about retracing your steps? Going back to the places you went to today?" I suggested, "The garden, maybe?" Her face lit up. "Maybe. Will you help me look for it?" she asked. I nodded, glad to give my mind something else to do besides wallowing in grief. "Sure," I replied, walking with her towards the garden she'd planted.

Wiping the sweat from my forehead, I rocked back on my heels, observing the young Korean woman desperately digging through the soft earth. "Sun, why is it so important to you to find your wedding ring? I mean, don't get me wrong, but you have Jin here with you," I asked. She looked up at me. "I was just sitting here, telling myself it's silly to be so upset about it. It's just a thing. But Jin _gave_ it to me. It was something that connected us, together or apart. And I just cannot see myself without it. It is something special to me, a bond that only Jin and I have, like something concrete, something tangible, to show the love that we have for each other. That is why I am so upset, Sarah," she finished, tears glistening in her own eyes. I looked down at the soil, sitting in clumps where we dug everything up. _Jack and I don't have anything tangible. Christian was what was tangible, and we don't even have that anymore. In fact, I don't even have Jack at the moment. I can't even remember what I did with my wedding rings. _ "Sun…" I caught myself saying, my fingers brushing away at the sparkling object in the ground. Lifting it, I held her ring between two fingers. Sun gasped, lunging at me with a big hug. "Thank you," she whispered in my ear, taking the ring from my hands. "Thank you." She was crying now, but the smile on her face told me it was relief and joy.

Wandering back to camp long after Sun had left me, I had tons of some phantom nervous energy that I needed to get out. I felt tense, tight, and completely stressed, like I was derailed off my normal personality. Heading to the tent, I knelt down and started tearing apart Jack's suitcase, one of his that had miraculously been found in tact on the beach. Tears were streaking down my face as I threw clothes and other random objects across the tent, letting all the anger and frustration and guilt that had built up since they left explode with each toss. "Bad day?" I threw a glance over my shoulder to see Locke standing in the doorway, a slight smile on his face. Reaching in his pocket, he pulled out a handkerchief and offered it to me. "It's clean," he added. I took it, wiping my eyes. "I didn't know men carried these anymore," I commented, fingering the plain cotton. "Thank you." "You mind if I sit?" he asked. I shook my head, and Locke dropped down next to me, among the clothes. "Did you see me?" I asked, feeling ridiculous. "Rip apart Jack's suitcase? No." I laughed, hearing just how stupid that sounded. "Sometimes I wish I had a suitcase to tear apart." I cocked my head, searching his face. "I don't think I've ever seen you angry," I said with a small smile. Locke laughed a little, shaking his head. "Oh, I used to get angry all the time. Frustrated too." I frowned. "But you're not frustrated anymore?" Locke looked me straight in the eyes. "I'm not lost anymore." I laughed, a little bitterly. "How'd you do that?" He shrugged. "The same way anything lost gets found. I stopped looking and started trusting." I felt my cheeks flush a bright red. I felt totally stupid. Locke smiled and patted my knee. "See you later, Sarah," he said, rising and leaving. I looked around at the mess I'd created. _That mess is more than just in here, Sarah._ Sighing, I began picking up all the clothes that I'd thrown around. Holding Jack's shirts in my hands, I felt even worse. _What if he doesn't come back? You just screwed yourself up, Sarah. You let the one thing you love just walk out of this tent without so much as an 'I love you'. _Damn it, why couldn't Locke have come around a few days ago?

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	21. Finding the Heart of the Flame

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

"Hey Aaron!" I said brightly, picking the baby up and putting him in my lap. He was getting so big, already a little over one year old. He giggled as he bounced on my hip, and Claire grinned at the adorable baby. "He's too big too fast," she said with a soft sigh. "I know. I remember when Jack told me that he was born…" I said distantly. Claire caught the worried glaze over my eyes. "They'll be back, Sarah. Jack will come back," she said assuredly. "Yeah…" I said, but the tone was unsure, "But it's been three days…what if…" "Don't even start the 'what ifs'. You'll only make yourself upset," she ordered, staring straight through me with her intense blue eyes. I put Aaron back into the crib and reached down to pick up the basket of clothes Claire had piled together. "I'll hang these up for you so they can dry," I said heading outside with the basket on my hip. Dropping it on the ground, I started draping the clothes over the makeshift clothesline we had strung together. Giving my hands something to do helped distract my running mind. Suddenly, Jin started speaking rapidly in Korean. I looked up at him, following his gaze to the edge of the jungle. Squinting against the brightness of the sun, I spotted a lone figure emerging from the tree line Holding my breath, I closed my eyes and prayed that it was Jack. But when I opened them, the group was running towards a winded, distressed Hurley. My heart plummeted, and I kept waiting, watching behind him, trying to see the others come out as well. But they didn't. I raced up the beach, pushing my way through the crowd to where Hurley was talking animatedly to Sayid. "…and they took all of us. We were all gagged and tied up, and they put these bags over our heads…" Sayid, always the calm one, held his hand up. "Hurley, where are Jack, Kate, and Sawyer?" he asked, very mellow. Hurley threw a glance at me, looking terrified. "The Others kept them. They told me to come back here and tell everyone not to try and retaliate. That they were keeping the three of them…taking them 'home'," he said, his voice dropping. I felt suddenly sick. Taking in a few deep breaths, I stormed off towards the tent, my mind spinning with ideas and hopefully, a plan. "Sarah, what are you doing?" Sayid asked. I could see him standing in the doorway of the tent. "What the hell do you think? I'm going after my husband," I spat out, continuing to throw things into a bag. "Sarah, you're not thinking rationally…" he started, but I whirled, facing him, my gaze cold and icy. "I don't have to think rationally to know that my husband is out in the damn jungle somewhere, with those freaks, and he needs our help. I'm not leaving him out there," I said defiantly, shifting the backpack onto my shoulders. Sayid grabbed my arm, pulling me to a stop. "I'm not asking you to, Sarah. But I think it is in Jack's best interest, as well as ours, to formulate a plan before we go storming out into the jungle, unprepared. These Others are smart, Sarah. Much smarter than we took them for. So, we have to play this smarter," he said, very calmly, yet his voice was laced with a pleading edge. Taking in a shaky breath, I felt my shoulders droop. "Sayid, I can't…I don't want to lose him," I said softly, unable to look up at the Iraqi. "We won't. We're not going to lose any of them. I promise you," he said, his voice sure.

"Okay, Hurley, do you think that you could get us back to where they took you?" Sayid asked from across the blazing fire. Sayid had called a meeting, and we all sat around, trying to come up with a decent plan. "Dude, do you think that's a good idea?" Hurley asked. "Do we have another? We could scout around the sight, not go directly to it, just to see if it would give us a clue as to where they went," Sayid suggested. "There has to be another hatch, Sayid. I know the one you found was a decoy, but there has to be another. Where else would they go?" I asked from my seat next to Jin. "I think you are right," he responded, shaking his head. "Well, we can't bloody go running off into the jungle and hope to just stumble across one…" Charlie intervened. "What about a map?" Everyone turned to see Locke's silhouette, outlined by the fire. "What kind of map?" I asked, clearly intrigued. Stepping into the light, he joined the campfire chat. "I found a map…almost like blueprints, schematics, to all the hatches on the island. I copied it…it's not perfect, but if we could use it to rule out what hatches we know they're not at, it might lead us to the one they are," he reasoned. I glanced across to Sayid, who was unreadable. "John, where did you get this?" he questioned, not buying Locke's story. John ran a hand over his face. "When the hatch went into some type of lockdown, it glowed on one of the doors. Look, you don't have to trust me, but I'm part of the reason all this happened. I was the one who trusted Henry, and Michael. So let me help," he pleaded, looking straight at me. After a moment, I nodded. "We have no other options," I said, "And we can't just sit around here."

Staring at the hand-drawn piece of paper, everything looked more like one of my student's chicken scratch than an actual map. "So we're in the _Swan_," Sayid reasoned, pointing to the hatch that was circled. "Claire, Kate, and Rousseau found the _Staff_. The tail-end survivors were living in the _Arrow_. John, you and Eko found the _Pearl_. And when I scouted for Jack and that group, I found this one…" he finished, pointing to another circle. He ran a nervous hand threw his hair. "So, what you're saying is they're in this one?" I suggested, pointing across the drawing to the sixth and only other hatch. "If this logic works, correct Sarah. They're in the _Flame_," he deducted. I nodded decisively. "Then that's where we're going," I said, picking up my bag.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	22. And Getting Burned

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

Wiping the sweat that was sliding down my cheeks, I exhaled the sweltering hot air and continued to follow Sayid through the ragged terrain of the jungle. You could have heard a pin drop; the silence from the group was almost deafening. Charlie was behind me, followed closely by Jin and taking up the end, Locke. Sayid stopped at the shallow waterbed, reaching in his pocket to pull out the map he'd been studying. "We're heading the right way?" I asked as I twisted my hair into a high, messy bun. "Yes, as far as I can calculate from the map, it's another few more miles this way," he said pointing to his left. "Then we should keep going," I said, but Sayid stopped me. "Sarah, look at the group. They've been hiking for hours. They're exhausted, and so are you. You're running yourself ragged. We're taking a break," he said lifting a water bottle from his bag. I followed suit, taking a long drink, not even aware of how thirsty and tired I really was. "Okay everyone, let's keep moving," Sayid announced, shoving the supplies into his bag and continuing to walk. I kept pace with him, and he glanced amusedly, over at me. "Is there something you want to ask me, Sarah?" he asked politely. I ducked a smile; _he's good._ "Sayid, what's the plan if we actually find them? I mean, we're barely armed. And I'm not sure if…" "Sarah, I'm working on a plan. Just…for Jack's sake, you need to calm yourself down, get your emotions in check. We don't' even know why they wanted the three of them. The biggest mistake we could make right now is if we jump to conclusions about the Others abilities. We have no idea what they are capable of," he said with a sure nod.

FLASHBACK

"Sarah, what were you thinking!" I rolled my eyes behind my mother's pacing back. _How many times have I heard that one?_ "Did you honestly think that we wouldn't find out about this?" She was wildly waving a piece of paper in the air, and I didn't even have to look at it; I knew what it was. "Mother, I want to go there! I want to be a dancer. Julliard is a great school…" "Sarah, you are not going to be a dancer! You are, and have never been good enough to be a professional dancer. And how would that look for the family reputation? Hmm?" she scolded. I leaned back against the sofa, feeling my cheeks redden. "I _am_ a good dancer, or I wouldn't have gotten into Julliard. Mother, it's what I've always wanted to do. Please, cant' you understand that?" I asked, almost pleadingly. My mother planted her hands firmly on her hips, the smug, disappointed look smeared across her face. "You will never make it, Sarah. You need something solid, like the family business. Something that's worthwhile in life…" I rose, infuriated at my mother's coldness. "You have no idea what I'm capable of! You never have! You've not even come to one recital, one practice! I'm eighteen years old, Mother. This is my decision," I said sharply. "No, it's not. Sarah, you don't get to chose. You don't get to make the decision. Your father and I already have. And we know exactly what you're capable of." I felt myself drop back down to the couch, tears sliding fluidly down my cheeks and falling onto my hands. "For heaven's sake, Sarah, get your emotions in check before your father comes home," she said, tossing the acceptance letter into my lap and walking away.

END FLASHBACK

My body was exhausted; I couldn't believe I was actually still moving. We'd been traipsing through the jungle for hours, and still hadn't come across anything. Suddenly, Sayid put a hand out, stopping me and the group. I strained to see what he was seeing, and then my eyes finally caught it. A hatch. A heavily guarded hatch. I could feel my heart thumping wildly in my chest as I stared at the people in front of me. We were still a good piece away from them, and they obviously didn't even spot us. "Okay, here's the plan. Sarah, take Charlie and work your way around the backside. Jin and Locke will work counterclockwise from you. And I will scout from our position here. Sarah, do you know how to fire a gun?" Sayid asked. I contemplated his question for a split second, before I shook my head. "No," I replied, but Sayid seemed undeterred. Instead, he reached out to me, offering me the small handgun. "You're going to learn-quickly," he said, as I hesitantly took the weapon. _I'm not sure that I like this._ "Okay Sarah, listen very closely. Here's the safety. All you have to do, to fire the gun, is flip the safety off," he said, demonstrating it for me, " And fire it. Relatively simple. But let Charlie do all the firing if you don't feel comfortable." He sighed, eyeing me cautiously. "I don't feel completely comfortable giving you a firearm, but we don't have many options right now. Will you be alright?" I looked up at him, nodding slightly. "I'm fine," I said, placing the gun at my side. He nodded. "Alright then, let's go," Charlie said, moving slowly and carefully around the backside of the very large hatch. Charlie was quiet, for a change, and I wanted to keep it that way. I was actually terrified; my hands were trembling, and I inadvertently shivered from the cold, damp sweat that had spread across my body. Keeping my mind distracted, I started thinking about Jack. So, I replayed my infamous mantra again in my head, except this time, it was a little bit more positive. _I need Jack. I need Jack. I need Jack._

Charlie nudged me, knocking me out of sync with my mantra. "Sayid gave the signal. Are you ready?" he asked, looking over at me. I nodded, swallowing hard. I hand rested gingerly on the gun at my hip, but by the time we made it to the door, Sayid had already taken out the two guards standing a the front. My eyes widened when Locke pulled open the door. "My God…" I breathed, staring at the vast hallways in front of us. It was a sickening, sterile white; almost like a hospital. "Start searching rooms. Move slowly, clear them systematically. Sarah, stay with Charlie and work down the left hand side," Sayid ordered, stepping inside the building.

Opening another door, I held my breath, praying to find Jack. But we didn't. "I don't get this. Why is this place _empty_?" Charlie questioned as we searched around the room. And he was right. We'd already been through several rooms, and there was no one inside. "Let's just keep moving," I suggested, feeling a little nauseous from the sterile smell of the rooms. Moving swiftly down the hall, we I pushed open the next door, and gasped. "Sawyer!" My eyes fell on the man, bound and gagged, in a chair planted in the room. His eyes looked pleading at me, and I was immediately to him, jerking all the binds off. "Are you okay?" I asked, about the same time, "Did you find Kate?" came out of his mouth. He rubbed his wrists numbly, nodding. "I'm fine, Barbie. Did'ya find Kate and the doc?" he asked again, and the defeated look on my face told him everything. "Well, what are we standing 'round here for?" he barked, storming to the door. He swayed a little, and I caught him by the arm before the escaped out the door. "Sawyer, you're hurt," I said, looking him over. He had several scrapes and cuts across his face and arms, and his hand had not moved from his left side since he rose, but the man shook his head. "You comin' or not?" he asked defiantly, his hand still on the doorknob. I stared at him for a moment, my mouth not forming words. "You don't know where Jack and Kate are?" I asked quietly. He dropped his gaze, his shaggy hair falling across his face, hiding his guilty facial expression. "Nope. But we're gonna find 'em-right now," he said pushing the door open and heading out into the hall.

I could feel Sawyer's tension as we went room by room, finding no one. "Sawyer…maybe the others found Kate…" Charlie started, but the angry growl he received from the man shut him up. We made it to the last door on the hall, and with a hard turn, Sawyer shoved the door open. "You son-of-a-bitch…" he growled, striding quickly to a startled Henry Gale. I moved the quickest, however. "Sawyer, move," I said, my voice cold. He glanced over his shoulder to see me planted a few feet from him, my gun locked on Henry. My entire body was trembling as I stared the small man down. "Where is he?" I said lowly, my voice edged with tears. Henry gave me a wicked, malicious smile. "Who?" I shook my head. "Where is he? Where is my husband? Where is Jack!" I roared, my voice shaking. He cocked his head, his smile not fading. "You'll never find him. Jack's a very special man…" "Kill him, Sarah. He deserved to die. After everything he's done…" Sawyer's voice was low and sure, but my fingers were all shaking so bad, I barely was able to flip the safety. "Tell me where he is," I said fiercely. Henry shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sarah. I can't do that." "Shoot him!" Sawyer barked, and before I could think, my finger pushed the trigger. The recoil knocked the gun back in my hands, missing my initial target. But hearing Henry's cry of pain, I knew I'd hit him. The gun fell from my trembling hands, clattering to the floor. "Nice shot, Blondie," Sawyer said sarcastically, "But ya missed." My breath came in short, rapid bursts, and I could feel my entire body shaking. "Sarah…Sarah?" Charlie was saying, but my eyes fell on Henry, lying against the wall, masked in pain. "Go find him," Sawyer said, picking up the gun and cocking it, pulling at the safety, "Go find Jack." I stared at him, seemingly not understanding what he was saying. He turned to me, getting inches from my face. "Go!" he growled, pointing me to the door. I moved, suddenly in control of my body again, grabbing Charlie as I left. "There are only a few more rooms. He's here somewhere," I said quickly, turning the corner to another sterilized hall. Hearing commotion behind one of the rooms, I stopped outside it. Charlie, having our only weapon, went first, throwing the door open. "Bloody hell…" Charlie gasped, staring wide-eyed at the sight in the room. The small space of the room was filled with machines, all hooked to a still body lying on a gurney-type bed. People in sickening white lab coats stopped to stare at their intruders, but Charlie was quicker. "Get out of here!" he screamed, waving the gun wildly around. The Others moved quickly, surrendering speedily, to my surprise. They scattered, running in all different directions to any door that they could get to. Once the room was deserted, Charlie glanced over at me. "Is that…?" he asked, but I was completely speechless. My feet felt like lead as I forced them to move to the bed. "Oh my God…" I gasped, my eyes fixated on the man in front of me. "Jack! Jack…please, Jack, wake up!" I cried, my hands taking hold of his face in my hands. Jack was a sheet of white, and was absolutely unresponsive to anything. I madly jerked all the wires and tubes off of him, unable to hold the tears back that were streaming down my cheeks. "Jack…Jack…" I whimpered. "Sarah…!" I didn't have to look up to know Sayid's voice. His dark skinned hand reached past mine, and he caught my gaze. "Sarah, he's not dead. Jack is very much alive," he said quietly. I turned to look at him. "Then why won't he wake up?"

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	23. How to Save a Life

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**I got the idea for this chapter from this song, by **

**The Fray, called "How to Save a Life"**

Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you  
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road   
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

Leaning my elbows on my knees, I took a deep breath, my eyes locked on Jack's still body. Sayid and Locke had carried him back after we'd all regrouped. An exhausted, sore Kate had been found by Jin and Locke, and her and Sawyer had been inseparable for the past few days. "Sarah?" I turned to look up very slowly; Sayid was propped against the doorframe, his dark eyes watching me worriedly. "Hmm?" I responded bringing my gaze back to my husband's body. "You have not moved from Jack's side since we returned two days ago. You need to rest," he said sternly. I shook my head, rocking back in the chair to loosen my stiff back. "I'll take that into consideration," I said softly. I heard Sayid exhale deeply. "Sarah, he's not responding to anything. We don't know what is wrong with him…it could be days before…" "Then I'll be right here until that day comes," I said assuredly. Reaching over, I slipped my hand through Jack's limp one. "Do you know why they wanted him?" I asked, staring at his fingers, trying to keep my voice steady. Sayid was quiet, then he moved to my side. "They took the three of them to perform some type of electroshock therapy experiment. They were trying to gain information about what they knew about the Dharma Initiative, about the Hanso Foundation, the island itself…From talking with Sawyer, the Others never got to him and Kate. Jack was first on their list," he explained, his voice very sure and soft. I nodded, letting all of the information sink in. After a moment of quietness between us, Sayid patted my shoulder before rising. "Try and get some sleep, Sarah," he said as he left the room.

Blinking heavily, I kept my stare riveted on the rising and falling of Jack's chest, almost as if I was afraid that he would stop breathing if I looked away. _That's because you are afraid_. Swallowing to find my voice, I cleared my throat. "Jack? Can you hear me?" I laughed to myself at my stupidity. "Good job, Sarah. You're talking to the unconscious man. And now, you're talking to yourself…" I brought my eyes up to Jack's peacefully sleeping face. Sighing, I slid out of my chair and on to the edge of the bed, my hip close to Jack's chest. Pulling his arm across my lap, I held one hand tightly, while the other brushed his still face, the rough stubble of his unshaven skin, the small lines across his cheeks and eyes, some from laughs, some from worry. "I need to tell you a secret," I started again, my fingers still stroking his cheek. "And I need you to listen closely. I've been really stupid for the last few days. I let you…I let you walk out of that tent, and I didn't come after you. I didn't tell you that I was sorry, or that I loved you. So I'm going to tell you now. I'm sorry, Jack. I'm so very sorry…for everything. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life, but this plane crash, this disaster gave us a second chance. And I fell in love with you all over again. But I made a mistake. I did the exact same thing I did to you when I left you the first time. And then, when I finally came to my senses…you didn't come back," I choked on the last few words, tears sliding down my face, rounding my cheeks, and splashing onto my slightly shaking hands. I sniffed, and, wiping my eyes, I struggled on. "I wish I knew how to save a life, how to fix things like this, but I don't. I always relied on you to do that. But you can't. You can't always be the one to fix things, to save people-to save me. Jack, I don't know what they did to you. I don't know if you'll ever wake up, but I want you to know that I will always love you. You were my first husband, my first love, and I want you to be my last. I will always love you, and I will never ever leave you. Even if you never wake up, if you never get the chance to look at me or kiss me or touch me again, I will always be right here beside you. You told me that I fixed you…and I told you that I never wanted to be fixed again, but I was wrong. I was totally wrong, Jack. You _did_ fix me. You are constantly fixing me. I. Love. You. I will always _love you_," I finished, biting my trembling lip as the flood of tears continued their path down my face. Then I felt it. I caught my breath, unsure that I actually felt something. My eyes flashed to Jack's limp hand in mine. He moved. Jack responded to me. I sat completely still, straining to feel it again. "Jack? Jack, can you hear me?" I asked desperately. Nothing. No response. "Jack?" I repeated. There it was again. A slight squeeze; a tiny, barely perceptible squeeze on my hand. I breathed out a cry, more tears escaping my eyes. Jack was still unconscious, but he had responded to my voice. Gently, I laid Jack's hand down onto the bed and scrambled to my feet. Bolting out of the room, I looked wildly around for Sayid. Instead, I spotted John. "Is something wrong, Sarah?" he asked. "Where's Sayid? I need Sayid…now," I said , my voice rising to a panicky-sound. John rose immediately, concerned by my obvious distress. "Is it Jack?" he asked. I shook my head, then rethought my answer. "Yes. Well, no…John, where is he?" I asked again. Locke held up his hand. "I'll go get him, Sarah. Just hang on," he responded, exiting the room rather quickly. I moved back to my husband's side, my eyes scanning for any difference in when I'd left him. Nothing. "Jack? You can hear me can't you? You can understand what I told you. Jack?" I asked him softly. Sayid burst into the room, out of breath and sweaty. "What's wrong?" he asked quickly, "John said you were panicking." I looked up at him, shaking my head. "Jack responded to me. I was talking to him, and he squeezed my hand," I said, but blushed, realizing just how ridiculous that actually sounded. _He's unconscious, Sarah. Unconscious men don't squeeze fingers. _Sayid eyed me cautiously, but his face never wavered. "Sarah, how long has it been since you slept? Two days? Three?" he asked slowly. I stiffened, hurt that he didn't believe me. "Sayid, I know what I felt. I know Jack understood me. He heard what I told him," I said, my voice almost pleading with him. He shook his head. "He hasn't moved since we brought him in here two days ago. I'm sorry, Sarah, but Jack couldn't have possibly…his body went through extreme electroshock therapy. We don't even know if…" Suddenly, I felt a hand brush my thigh from where I was sitting on the bed. My heart raced immediately, and I turned to look at the man on the bed. "Sarah…" he moaned, weakly lifting his hand out for me. I stifled a cry, reaching out for him. "I'm here, Jack. I didn't leave. I'm right beside you," I soothed, kissing the rough tips of his knuckles. "I don't believe it…" Sayid gaped, standing above me. Ever so slowly, and with much effort, Jack opened his eyes.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	24. Ring Around the Subject

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

"You know, just because you're still not up to speed and on bed rest doesn't mean you get to hog the bed. Slide over," I demanded, nudging him to the back of the small bunkbed. "You know, patients should get treated a lot better than this," he commented slyly, a smile flickering across his face. He was still very weak; Jack couldn't get around for long periods of time by himself, and, even though he wanted to be up and out with the others, was confined to the hatch under strict nurse's orders-mine. "I'm not going to take offense to that statement, and quite frankly, Mr. Shephard, if you don't want me in your bed, then I absolutely can comply…" I started, beginning to pull myself up. Jack grabbed my arm, pulling me back down. "I think I just changed my mind," he said with a grin. I looked at him, searching his face. "You look tired," I said frowning as he leaned his head back against the wall. He shook his head, but I could see the fatigue in my features. I opened my mouth to protest his stubbornness, but he held a hand up. "I'm fine, Sarah. Please, can I just spend some time with my wife, other than sleeping?" he asked tiredly. I paused, then nodded my head with a slight smile. Reaching over, he took my hand, rubbing small circles across my fingers. "How long was I out?" he asked quietly. I bit my lip, watching Jack's fingers move. "Two days…or three. The details are a little sketchy," I said softly. I chewed the inside of my lower lip, lost in my own thoughts. "Sarah, is something wrong?" I looked up, meeting his gaze. "Do you…remember anything?" I asked. I couldn't get over the way we had found him in the hatch. He was literally tied down to a table, beaten and bloody. I could still see the red rings from the binds on his wrists. "Not much. I remember walking forever with bags over our heads. We were all put in the same room, and they ask which one of us wanted to go first. Kate was terrified, and there was no way that I could have let…I wasn't going to separate Kate and Sawyer. I was the one that got them to go in the first place. I was responsible for them. So, I told them to take me. And they did. I don't remember anything else. I just wanted…I wanted to get back to you. I thought about how we left each other and I was so mad at myself for leaving you. I thought that…I didn't know if I was going to make it back here, and I was afraid that you were going to think that I was angry at you or that I didn't love you…" "Do you remember was I said to you when you were unconscious?" I asked. A smile lit across Jack's face. "Yeah, I do," he said, bending down and kissing me warmly, "Every word." Savoring the taste of his lips on mine, his tongue in my mouth, I held the kiss out, and we both pulled away, a little breathless. "Guess you're not _too_ tired," I snickered, leaning my head back against his shoulder. Jack laughed, and the sound echoed through my ears, sending a shiver of happiness across my skin. "God, I missed you," I sighed. Jack bent close to my ear. "I was only gone for a few days," he said softly. I shook my head. "Jack, you have no idea how long those days were…" I said, loosening my fingers from his and moving to rub his arm, my fingers trailing every inch of Jack's forearm.

We sat in silence, comfortable and content with each other's company. "So, what did you do with yourself before Hurley made it back?" Jack asked, breaking the silence. "Besides wallow in my guilt for letting you leave? Um…" I could hardly remember; the past few days seemed like a blur. _Sun. The wedding rings. _I sat, quiet for a minute, considering whether I should even bring up what I'd been thinking on since Jack had left. _Go ahead. He doesn't bite. And he's in a very complying mood_. "Jack, can I ask you a question? I mean, do you feel like talking?" I asked softly. He nodded, watching me intently. I searched in my mind to find the right way to ask what I wanted. "What happened after I took my wedding rings off and left you?" I kept my gaze glued to the bed, a little worried to actually look at Jack. "Nothing. I…I couldn't move. Watching you leave was one of the worst moments of my life. And then, when I showed back up in Sydney, watching you shut the door in my face…that moment topped the rest," he said quietly, obviously reminiscing those memories. "What did you do with the rings?" I asked, almost not wanting to hear the answer. "I kept them. After all that, I kept them. I couldn't force myself to get rid of them. I brought them with me to Sydney, hoping…" My head jerked up at his statement. "You still have them?" I asked, my voice laced with hope. Jack's thought was derailed by my excitement for a moment. "Sarah, they were in my suit coat pocket. The one I had on when we crashed. There'd be no way for them to still be there. After the wreck and all the running around with that damn coat on…Why?" he asked, searching my eyes. I felt my shoulders sag against him. "Sun lost her wedding rings…God, like, days ago. I asked her the same question. It never…it never bothered me not to have them. But when you left, I…I don't know…she talked about having something concrete, something tangible, to express their love for each other. And then I started thinking about Christian…and then you…" My voice became choked, but I continued, "And we…we have nothing. Not that I need anything; I mean, I know that you love me, and I will always love you, but Jack, we weren't even married when we stepped on that plane to go back to L.A. We were getting a divorce-we were _finalizing _a divorce. And I just thought that…it was stupid," I finished, talking myself out of my thoughts. Searching his face, I realized just how tired Jack actually looked, "Forget about it, Jack. You're exhausted. Let's just…don't worry about it." "Sarah…" Jack started, but I had already turned around. "It's okay. Sleep. You need sleep ," I said, forcing him to lay back down. I curled up next to him, laying my head back against his chest, continuing to focus intently on the bends an curves of his arm. My mind reprimanded itself for even bringing the whole 'wedding ring' thing up._ You should just forget it, Sarah. It's not important._ But, no matter how hard I tried, at that particular moment, I couldn't shake the thoughts that I'd expressed aloud.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	25. How to Tell If He's a Sensitive Man

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**Sorry it's been a while…been at Camp! But I'm Up to Speed Again!**

"You and Sawyer! You mean, one minute you're reading to him about 'How to Tell if He's a Sensitive Man' and the next minute you're making out in his tent! Nice Kate…that sounds like something I would do to Jack," I mused from my precarious position high up the branches of a tree, picking out some of the ripened fruit. I heard her laugh from where she was across from me. "When you say it like that, it loses the romantic edge, Sarah," she said, still laughing. "Calling it like I see it. I like you two together. You suit each other," I commented, sitting back against the trunk of the massive tree. "What does that mean? We both have enough baggage to balance each other out?" I shook my head. "No…well, yeah, but that's not what I meant…" "Sarah!" I glanced down to spot Jack, standing at the base of the tree, clearly not happy that I was up there. "Oh I'm fine…" I yelled, flashing him a huge smile. "It's not you I'm worried about; it's me, having the heart attack that you're too high up," he said planting his hands on his hips, my signature move. I rolled my eyes. "I'm coming down, Jack. Give me a minute, and don't pitch a fit!" I said, wiggling my way down. Dropping the few feet the rest of the way, I turned to look at him with a sweetly innocent, half-cocked smile. "I've been looking for you for hours, and I have to find out from_ Sawyer_ that you're out wandering in the jungle," he said, trying to be reprimanding, but failing miserably. "You shouldn't even be out here. You're still on bed rest…" "I've rested enough. I'm back to shape," he countered. And he was right. He looked great, just as good as he did, if not better, than before he left. I threw my hands up in defeat. "Okay, okay…I give in. So, what was so desperately important?" I asked, matching his stance with an amused smile. Jack's brown eyes suddenly fell affectionate and loving. "Sarah, I thought about what you said, or tried to say to me when I was…not fully conscious. So, I wanted to tell you this…" he said, reaching in his jeans pocket. I watched him, wide-eyed, as he dropped to one knee. "I know that we never officially divorced, but I think we both want this. I love you, Sarah, and I don't want to ever lose you again. If I could give you anything, I would, so I'm giving you the one thing you wanted. Sarah, will you marry me _again_?" he asked, gazing up at me, a smile playing across his ruggedly handsome face. In between his fingers, he held a sparkling, beautifully stunning gold diamond engagement ring. _My_ engagement ring. I gasped, my hands sliding to my mouth. "Oh my God…Jack, of course I will," I said dropping to the ground and throwing my arms around his neck. Tears were spilling down my cheeks as Jack took my hand and slipped the ring back on my finger.

FLASHBACK

Strolling down the beautiful marble steps of the hotel, I made my way past the wide-eyed stares of the hotel guests and into the wide doorframe of the bar. It was spacious, with a large, baby grand piano in the middle of the room. And playing a quiet, soft melody, his eyes staring intently at the keys, was Jack. I smiled, watching him for a moment before moving closer to him. By the time he looked up at me, I was standing beside the piano bench, my eyes staring past him. "Those girls are checking you out," I said nodding slightly to the sofa across the room, where two young girls, probably in their twenties, were glued to Jack's every move. He turned to look at me, a small, amused grin breaking across his face. "You're in your PJs," Jack commented. I glanced down at my pink striped pajama pants and jersey top, then I remembered vaguely that my hair was up in a messy ponytail. "Indeed I am," I said, raising my arms in a nonchalant gesture. Pushing him over a little, I dropped onto the bench beside him. "Are they cute?" he asked, his voice very low and serious. "Who?" I asked, frowning. "The girls that are checking me out," he said, like it was the most obvious thing ever. I bit my lip, throwing one more glance over his shoulder. "Mmm, one of them is kind of cute," I said wrinkling my nose, "The other one's just trashy." I brought my gaze to the piano as Jack laughed a little at my remarks. "'Heart and Soul'?" I requested, turning fully to face the keys. Jack nodded, turning alongside me. "You got it." He brought his hands up to the ivory, but I reached over, stopping him. "I'm taking the easy part," I warned. "Of course," he relented, moving his fingers to the keys. He started playing, and with all my concentration, I started playing with him. He played slowly, so I could find the keys easily with my one hand, while he played the chords fluidly with both. "You know you really don't have to do this if you don't want to," I said, still concentrating on the keys. I knew that Jack would know what I was talking about. It was, in my mind, the whole reason he was down here in the first place. "How do you know I haven't?" he asked, throwing a glance at me. "Because…you haven't…" I mused, but then, suddenly, my fingers hit a wrong note, stopping the song. I cringed. "Oh, sorry." Jack reached up for his drink, sitting on the edge of the piano. I immediately dropped my hands across the top of the piano, shaking my head. "It was a silly idea. I just…I read too many bridal magazines. I think they rotted my brain," I said with a light laugh. Jack sat down the drink, gently touching my arm. "Sarah, I want to. I'm going to. I just have to figure out the right way to say it." I brought my hand to rest over his. "Just vows," I said simply. "Just vows?" Jack repeated, seemingly surprised at my flippantness. I saw his eyes drift to the glass doors of the hotel, where a door was being opened for a rather large woman in a muumuu. I felt Jack's muscles droop, and I realized the other reason he was down here. "Hey. He's going to come," I assured him, even though I didn't think Jack was listening. "Yeah. I know," he responded, kind of distantly. I bit my lip, making a decision to leave him to work all this out on his own. _He really doesn't need you down here. _"So, you stay down here as long as you need to and when you're ready, I'll be upstairs," I said rising. Bending down, I kissed Jack warmly. "I cannot wait to marry you, Jack Shephard," I said, my lips still inches from his. And with a soft smile, I walked away, back upstairs, hoping that he wouldn't be long.

END FLASHBACK

The day was I flurry as Kate, Sun and Claire busied themselves "helping" me get ready for wedding. Though, for me, I sometimes really wished that there weren't so many cooks in the kitchen. Between Kate and Claire entertaining themselves with my dress-which was black-and my hair, I was about ready to call the whole thing off. "That's all you've got? Sarah, it looks like a funeral dress!" Claire exclaimed, eyeing me as I stood in the tent, Kate sitting on a suitcase next to me. "That's because it _was_, Claire. I was wearing it to Jack's dad's funeral," I said, my patience wearing thin. The only person I fully appreciated right now was Sun, who had excused herself about a half hour ago. "It's all I've got, girls. It's either the black dress, or my dirty jeans and a tank top," I said, giving them the ultimatum. Claire wrinkled her nose, but nodded. "Jack would look silly up there in a suit and you in jeans," she relented, and I heard Kate snicker at her response. "You're having way too much fun with this, Claire," she said with a smile. The young blond planted her hands on her hips, looking stubborn. "I didn't get to plan my wedding. I didn't even get to _have_ a wedding. So let me relish in Sarah's," she pleaded, and even I had to laugh. "Now, about the hair…" she said with a malicious grin.

Stepping out into the dusky, glowing sun, I took a relaxing breath. The cool, ocean breeze blew across my bare neck and shoulders, making me shiver. I really had wanted to wear my hair down, but Claire had insisted on it being up. And, I had to admit, she'd done a good job. It was twisted and pinned with a few bobby pins that Kate had found in a suitcase, with a few of the shorter pieces just loosely hanging down. "Well, well, aren't we the Belle of the Ball?" I glanced next to me, spotting Sawyer swagger over. "Isn't that supposed to be the way it is? I mean, it is my wedding day," I said smiling. Sawyer sighed loudly, folding his arms across his chest. "Yeah, yeah…I know. But I thought I'd get away from it by joinin' the blushing bride, cause, Barbie, good ole' Jack-O is just short of a nervous breakdown." I grinned, shaking my head. "You should have seen him on our real wedding day," I said laughing. Sawyer's face turned serious for a moment. "Congrats Barbie," he said lowly, "I mean it. After what happened out there with the Others…You caught yourself one hell of a guy. " _I'm not sure how I should take that, but I think it was a compliment._ "Thanks Sawyer."

The group parted as I made my way up the "aisle" towards a beaming Jack. He looked just as good as he did on our real wedding day, dressed impeccably in his only suit, cleaned up by a gracious Rose. I took his hand as we stood in front of the castaways, but for me, he was the only one there. I allowed myself to melt in his deep, understanding eyes, and I had to hold back the urge to kiss him right then. _Just the way you were at your wedding day. _

FLASHBACK

"…In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, I risk it all, because I love you," I finished, the tears momentarily blurring my view of Jack's handsome face, clean shaven for the wedding. He looked amazing in the simple black tux, and I was vaguely aware of the minister standing beside us. I could feel the breeze ruffle my white dress as we stood underneath a vine-wrapped arch, outside in the perfectly beautiful sunlight. "Thank you, Sarah. Jack has also prepared his vows. Jack, if you would please?" the minister encouraged. Jack was staring at me so intensely, I wasn't sure if he'd even heard him. I squeezed his hands about the same time the minister said, "Jack?" He snapped back to life, looking a little flustered. My stomach flip-flopped a little, nervous for him. "I didn't write any vows," he started, and my heart plummeted. But Jack continued. "I've been trying to for months, but I couldn't, and I started to wonder why that was and as time went by it only got worse…because I'm…because I'm not good at letting go or maybe I'm afraid of what will happen if I fail." he paused for a minute, tears shining in his eyes, and they were already falling in mine. I gripped his hands so tightly; I was terrified, for a split second, that he was going to leave me at the alter. "But I know one thing. I would've never been able to write anything as beautiful as what you just said. And last night, Sarah, when you were talking about the accident at the rehearsal dinner…you got it all wrong. I didn't fix you. You fixed me. I love you, Sarah, and I always will," he finished, tears streaking down his cheeks. Reaching up, I took his face in both of my hands and kissed him, hard and desperate, and small cry of happiness escaping my lips. I could hear everyone clapping, but the only thing that I really paid any attention to was the handsome man standing in front of me, staring into my eyes, shining with tears.

END FLASHBACK

"Sarah?" Eko urged, and I snapped back to the present, finding myself staring at Jack, who was watching me intensely. Eko, realizing that I wasn't exactly paying attention, cleared his throat. "Do you, Sarah, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, through richer or poorer, for better or worse, until death do you part, for as long as you both shall live?" I smiled, tears flooding my eyes and sliding down my cheek. "Yes," I said softly. I completely missed what Eko said to Jack; all I heard was Jack's response-a solid, smiling "Yes." Tearing my gaze away from Jack, I looked up at Eko, who had a huge smile spread across his face. "Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Jack, you may now kiss your bride," he said with a small nod. Throwing my arms around Jack's neck, I leaned into his face, our lips colliding passionately. I heard the castaways clapping and cheering, but Jack's tongue in my mouth was really the only thing I was fully aware of. "I love you," Jack whispered, pulling apart, his forehead resting against mine, his face inches from me. "I love you too," I returned, moving to kiss him again.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	26. A Million Things You Can and Can't Do

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

Strolling down the beach towards our shelter, I couldn't take my eyes off of Jack. "What?" he asked, laughing slightly. "You know, this is our _honeymoon_. And I could think of a million things we could do…" Jack's eyes widened. "A million? Because I really am only thinking of one…" I laughed, punching him playfully. "I think you've been spending too much time with Sawyer," I said grinning. But, leaning close to his ear, I whispered, "I was thinking the same thing." With a wink, I took off down the beach, the ocean breeze whipping the dress wildly around my legs. Reaching up, I pulled out the few bobby pins in my hair and let it fall loosely on my shoulders. Suddenly, I felt strong hands grab at my waist and whirl me around to face him. "Kiss me," I whispered, a smile broad across my face. Jack shook his head, his dark brown eyes flashing. "Let me do this right, Sarah," he said softly. I cocked my head, frowning, but with quick ease, Jack lifted me into his arms, carrying me to our tent. I literally melted with emotions. "Jack, you're carrying me…" "Across the threshold. Welcome home, Sarah," he said, kissing me warmly.

Ducking to get inside, Jack gently laid me down among the blankets and few pillows we'd collected. Crawling down next to me, he picked up my arm, kissing every inch of bare skin. I rolled over on top of him, sitting back against his raised knees. Working slowly, lovingly, I began to unbutton the white shirt, starting from the bottom, up. I could feel Jack's fingers sliding up my back, searching for the zipper of the dress. "Keep going. You're not there yet," I whispered, leaning down and kissing his neck, my lips moving up to his cheek and finding their way to his lips. _Thank God you can multitask, Sarah, _I thought as my hands worked on unbuttoning Jack's pants. We parted for a moment, Jack's fingers gliding across my skin as the dress slipped off, along with Jack's shirt. I exhaled, looking into Jack's passionate gaze. "You know, I'm not for rushing things during sex, but when you're like this, I tend to get a little…impulsive. So, I'm thinking that we've had enough of…_this_…" I said biting my lip to hold back the massive grin. "I think you're absolutely right," he said, rolling me over and crashing his lips into mine.

"Wow…" I breathed, resting my arm over my forehead, which was damp with sweat. Jack laughed, his fingers still roaming over the curves of my body. "I could definitely get used to the impulsive Jack Shephard." I sat up, wrapping a blanket around me, still close enough to Jack for him to continue stroking my back. "You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen," I sighed, my fingers tiptoeing up from his bellybutton, trailing through his chiseled chest, up to his chin. He brought his head down, blushing a little, and kissed my fingers. "You could see it again…" he hinted, a smile gleaming across his face. I grinned innocently, throwing my hands up. "You're totally right. I think I should," I said just as he rolled over on top of me, knocking me back down onto the bed.

By the time we finally made it out of the tent, the sun was high up in the cloudless sky. I stretched, reaching my arms up over my head, my muscles feeling loose and relaxed. I felt Jack's hands rise to meet mine, his body flush against me. "I've got some people to go check up on. Doctor stuff. I'll be back in a few hours, okay?" he asked, his chin resting on my shoulders. I nodded, dropping my arms and turning to look at him. "Yeah, go. It's fine; I'll be fine," I said, giving him a long, lingering kiss goodbye. I sighed as he left, my gaze drifting out to the ocean. The waves were lapping gently up to the sand, and the sun reflected off it's crystal blue water. Suddenly, my eyes caught something out from the shoreline. I shook my head, thinking it couldn't be real. But it was. Shielding my eyes, I looked again-a boat. "BOAT!" I screamed, for anyone around to hear. "It's a BOAT!" Sawyer and Sayid were the first to get to me. "Damn Barbie…" Sawyer muttered, just as Jack reached the small huddle. Without hesitation, Jack pulled his shoes off, and, not bothering to take any clothes off, ran into the water, followed by Sayid and Sawyer, who had stripped shirts and shoes and followed suit. I watched from where I was planted on the beach, unable to move. My heart was pounding as I watched the three men swim towards the vessel. Crowds were joining me on the beach, murmuring whispers and frantic excitement. Straining my eyes, I could vaguely make out Jack as he pulled himself up onto the sailboat, followed closely by Sawyer and Sayid. "Sarah?" Kate yelled, sprinting through the sand to where I was. "Is it really…?" I pointed out to where the pristine conditioned sailboat wafted in the bounding waves. "My God…" she breathed. We waited, watching for any sign, any gesture from someone on the boat. Then the gunshots came. They echoed across the water, originating from the boat. My hand immediately went out to Kate's, an instinctive move, my mind fearing for Jack. Keeping my gaze glued to the boat, I spotted Sawyer's broad figure standing on the edge, next to Jack. Exhaling a breath I didn't realize I was holding, I released my death grip on Kate and watched as the three men dove back into the water and began swimming back to the shore.

"What's going on? Have we been rescued? Has help come?" I looked around at the frantic castaways crowded around me. "I…I…could you just hang on a minute?" I asked, wiggling my way out of their circle. In the darkness, I caught sight of Jack, standing next to the fire, pulling off pieces of meat from the wild boar rotissiering over the flames. "The others are wanting to know what's going on. What do you want to tell them?" I asked, quietly joining him. "I don't know…we don't know anything…" I frowned, obvious of Jack's attempt to withhold what he knew from me. "Jack…" He turned, throwing a glance over his shoulder. "Tell them Desmond's back," he said shortly. I shrugged, staring at his back. "Who the hell's Desmond!" I called, tossing my hands up in distress. I watched him go off towards the beach, seemingly distracted. _Damn you. How much have you known about that you haven't clued me in on? _

Not having seen my husband since this _Desmond_ guy dragged his boat to shore, I decided to distract myself with little useless tasks until Jack and I were back on normal speaking terms. _When have you and Jack ever been on 'normal' speaking terms? _I swished a dirty pair of jeans around in the washtub, attempting to get the mud splotches off. "Sarah! Sarah!" I glanced back, already recognizing Charlie's voice calling to me from the path to the beach. He looked upset, and that simple fact instantly bothered me. Charlie, even in the most tense and stressing situations, was never outwardly nervous or worried. "What's wrong?" I asked, dropping the jeans to the side and meeting him the rest of the way up the beach. "It's Locke. I…he's gone bloody crazy! Him and Eko both," he said, talking quickly and very animatedly. I held up my hands, trying to understand. "Charlie, slow down. What's going on?" I asked again, my voice a steady contrast to Charlie's panic. "Where's Jack? That's who I came to get. Jack can talk some sense into Locke and Eko…" "I don't know where Jack went," I said apologetically. And truthfully, I didn't. I'd actually been waiting all morning for him to come back around. I had some potentially great news to tell him. Charlie ran his hands through his hair. "What should I do?" he asked. I grabbed Charlie's shoulders, steadying him. "First, tell me what's going on," I said with a slow nod. Taking a deep breath, Charlie started. "Locke decided not to push the button anymore. Eko thought it was a bad idea and tried to stop John, but that Desmond nutter locked John and himself inside with the computer." I nodded, throwing a quick glance around. "Let me go try and talk to Locke. You go see if you can find Jack," I said sprinting towards the hatch.

By the time I made it there, Eko was nowhere in sight. Breathing heavily, I walked up to the cement door, pressing my body against it. "John? It's…Sarah. Look John, let me come in. I just want to talk to you," I pleaded, listening for a response. "You're going to let him in, aren't you?" I heard through the door. _Eko. He doesn't want Eko in._ I shook my head. "No. It's just me. Please John," I begged. After a moment, the doors opened, and Locke's firm grasp pulled me in. "Shut them," John said to someone across the room. I followed his gaze to a ragged, long-haired man crouching in the corner, behind the computer's wiring. "Who the hell…?" I asked, watching as the doors closed again. "Desmond Hume," he said, extending his hand. He had a thick accent, a mix of what sounded Scottish and British. I shook it hesitantly, then looked around the small room. "John, what's going on?" I asked, moving next to the older man. The look across his face was determined, yet behind that was a shade of defeat. "In 108 minutes, that computer's going to start beeping, and when it does, we're going to let it go. We're going to let it run down to zero, past zero. And we're not going to push the button." I shook my head. "Why wouldn't we?" John laughed a little, rather bitter. "It's not real. We've been puppets…puppets on strings. As long as we push it, we'll never be free," he said, staring into the blank computer screen. A sudden banging on the door made me jump, and I moved quickly to the blast doors, under close watch by Desmond and Locke. "Sarah!" It was Charlie. "Charlie! Did you find Jack?" I called back, leaning hard against the door to hear. "Look, we need to work this out! Eko is very upset, John. Just open this door and we can talk about it. Sarah, you should know that Eko is going to blow open the blast door." I swallowed hard, Charlie's last sentence hitting me. "Sarah! SARAH!" My eyes widened as the disparity in Jack's voice. I pressed both hands against the cold door, banging a little. "Jack!" I yelled, suddenly feeling a stab of guilt. Right after the guilt came the panic. _What if I don't get to tell him my news? _ "Sarah, get John to open the doors…NOW," Jack said slowly. I turned, my back to the door, to look at Locke. "Blow it open with what?" John asked, and I relayed the question to the others. "With dynamite from the old ship in the jungle," Charlie replied, and I heard Desmond chuckle behind me. "It would take an atom bomb, brother. Tell him not to bother." Locke looked unsure. "You sure it'll hold?" Desmond nodded from his seat on the sofa. "Aye, I'm sure." "Sarah, you need to get out!" Jack yelled, pounding his fist against the door. Looking back at John, I shook my head. "I can't."

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	27. A Little Late

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

I sat, biting my fingernails, waiting for the blast to occur. But when it actually happened, it was barely audible from the computer room. "I think you're friends just blew themselves up, brother," Desmond commented, looking directly at me, but meaning the statement for John. I knew Jack was smarter than to stay down there while Eko tried to use the dynamite. But it bothered me that I couldn't hear anything outside the doors, that, even after all that, didn't budge. "I can't hear anything. Maybe we should open it," I said rising. "No. No, it's a trick," John said, shaking his head. At this, Desmond rose. "A trick? They could be hurt? Is the doctor around?" he asked, looking up at me. I shrugged. "Our doctor is God knows where. I…and he sure as hell doesn't care about anything happening down here." I jerked towards him, slamming my fist down on the desk. "He does care, John! I'm down here, for Christ sakes!" I said, tears welling in my eyes. John looked a little stunned, but Desmond interrupted his thoughts. "Can I ask you a question, brother?" Locke nodded. "Absolutely." "Is there a reason you're letting that clock run all the way to the very last tick? Is it because you need to look down the barrel of a gun to find out what you really believe, John?" he asked. I watched John's calm demeanor change. "I looked down the barrel of a gun and I believed. I thought it was my destiny to get into this place. And…and somebody died, you know, a kid. Because he was stupid enough to believe that I knew what I was talking about. And the night that he died for nothing, I was sitting right up there, all alone, beating my hand bloody against that stupid door…screaming to the heavens, asking what I should do. And then, a light went on. I thought it was a sign. But it wasn't." My heart went out to the man, but Desmond's face was one of panic. "Where are those printouts you got from the other hatch?" he asked quickly. I frowned, watching him scramble to the desk, scanning the papers. "Desmond?" I started, but he held up his hand. "When did your plane crash?" he asked. I looked at Locke, waiting for him to answer. "Sixty, sixty-five days ago. Why?" Desmond shook his head. "No. No, the _date_." I thought quickly, calculating. "September 22nd. The plane crashed on September 22nd," I responded. The man's hands dropped the paper like it was diseased. "I think I crashed your plane." My eyes widened, catching his words with shock. "What?" "We need to push the button," he said, looking straight at Locke. "No, we don't!" Locke shouted, rising to meet his stance. "Do you not hear me, brother? I crashed your bloody plane!" he yelled, moving to the computer. "How? How did you manage to do that?" I asked, following him to meet his gaze. "On that day, those numbers turned to hieroglyphics," he said, pointing to the clock, "And when the last one came down, this whole place started to shake. And that screen? That screen filled up with 'System Failure'…'System Failure'. And I know what they are…92204," he read off the sheet, "September 22nd, 2004, the day your plane crashed! It's real! It's all bloody real! Now push the damn button!" he screamed at Locke.

I felt my breath catch, absolute terror rippling through my body. "I know what I saw! It's a lie! It's not real! None of it is real!" he roared. Desmond threw a glance at me, then back to Locke. "You don't want to push the button? Then I will," he said, moving to the computer keys. "NO!" Locke yelled, and in a swift movement, picked up the monitor and threw it to the floor, sending it crashing into hundreds of pieces. "Oh my God…" I gasped, my hand flying to my mouth. The clock started beeping, three minutes clicking onto the timer. Desmond's eyes were panicky when he brought his gaze up from the floor. "You've killed us. You've killed us all." He ran his hands through his hair, breathing quickly. Suddenly, the timer started an alarm, clicking down to its last few seconds. "JOHN!" I screamed, desperate for him to put the keys in. Within seconds, the PA system started to buzz, "System Failure" over and over again. The floor to the hatch started to shake, and things started moving around the room, all crashing into the wall where the magnetic pull was. Desmond, thinking fast, played with some wiring and lifted the blast doors, just as silverware from the sink started to fly through the air. I ducked the utensils, heading to the doors. But, upon reaching the sofa, a stray knife whirled at me, slamming into my upper thigh. I screamed in pain, staggering backwards and hitting the couch. Blood, bright and sticky, oozed out around the wound, and I had to swallow back the sick feeling I was overwhelmed with. "Sarah! SARAH! Are you okay?" Charlie and Jack exploded into the room, finding me on the sofa, my hands laced over the wound, crying. "We're going to get you out of here," Jack said, brushing the tears with his thumb, "But I've got to pull this out." I nodded, and biting my lip, allowed Jack to pull the knife from the thigh. I cried out in pain, but Jack took my bloody hands in his. "Come on," he said, scooping me up in his arms. I looped mine around him and buried my face in his shoulder as they ran to the doors. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry," I cried into his shirt. We felt the rush of air as we made it outside, but before we got far from the hatch, a loud, high-pitched buzz reverberated around us, sending Jack, Charlie, and I to the ground. Jack covered me with his body, but I could still see the bright violet light cover the sky. I squeezed my eyes shut, clinging to Jack, terrified. And as quickly as it came, it was all over.

Everyone paused for a moment before rising; Jack finally lifted off of me, but I didn't move. I was in way too much pain, and I could feel the pool of blood that had gathered on my pant leg and the ground. "It hit an artery," Jack murmured, sitting back on his heels. Without hesitation, he placed his hand over the gaping hole, wedging two fingers inside to hold the artery closed. I writhed in pain, trying to pull back against him, my blond hair falling against my tear-stained cheeks. "Sarah, hold still, damn it!" Jack said sternly, completely in 'doctor mode'. I tried to lie still, whimpering on the ground in front of him as he dug with one hand in his leather bag. "Charlie, find me the peroxide and sewing kit in there," he said, tossing him the bag. Leaning close to me, he dropped a soft kiss on my forehead. "I'm sorry too," he said, apologizing for his harshness. I gave him a weak smile before laying my arm over my face, not wanting to look at the mess of blood on my jeans.

I opened my eyes, inhaling deeply. _I passed out. I didn't even realize I was out._ "Hey," Jack's warm voice drifted to my ears. I turned my head, looking around before I looked at him. I was back on the beach, back in our bed, with Jack at my side. "Hi," I responded, pushing myself to a sitting position. Shifting my leg hurt like hell, but Jack's solid hand against my back as I propped myself up was a little more reassuring. "I can't believe I got stabbed with a butter knife. I never knew kitchen utensils were so dangerous," I said with a small grin, my eyes staring at the gauzy bandage wrapped around my thigh. "And you cut my favorite jeans." Jack smirked, rubbing his face. "Sarah, I am so glad to know that your jeans are more important than you bleeding to death," he said, shaking his head. I smiled, my eyes scanning his face. "Actually, there's something a little more important I need to talk to you about," I said, dropping my gaze to my fingers, twisting my wedding rings absently around my fingers. "What? Is something wrong? Did something happen?" he asked quickly, but I held my hand up. "No. No, not exactly," I said slowly. Jack sighed, reaching for my hands. "Then what? I'm not _exactly _understanding." I looked up into his warm, intense brown eyes. "Jack, I'm late. Really, _really_ late," I said with a watery smile. Jack's entire face lit up, a smile breaking his lips. "Really? You're sure?" he asked, his voice quiet, like if he said it, it wouldn't be true. I nodded, breaking into a small laugh. "Yeah, I'm sure," I said, my fingers tracing tiny circles on his knuckles, "Jack, I'm pregnant-_again_." In a flash, his lips were to mine, kissing me hard and passionately. We broke apart, Jack's forehead resting against mine, a smile broad across his face. Tears were sliding down his cheeks, as were mine. "I love you, Sarah," he said, resting his hand against my stomach, "Both of you."

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	28. Picking Up the Broken Shards

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

Bending down, I picked up a shard of some broken glassware, then tossed it back to the floor. I could hear Jack a few feet away from me, doing the same thing, and across the room, Kate and Sawyer were talking softly to each other, but still cleaning. In fact, in different rooms, with the exception of John and Eko, most of the castaways were pitching in to clean up and sort through the wreckage of the hatch. Miraculously, it was still standing, but practically everything inside was broken or destroyed. Nobody really talked about what had happened, pretty much because no one could explain it. Not even Desmond, who, other than a few cuts and scrapes, came out of this unscathed. But, from what Charlie had found out from Locke, he was the one who stopped the explosion in the hatch by putting in some key to diffuse the failsafe. Jack kept a careful eye on him, still not completely sure of what he thought about him. And, to be honest, I wasn't sure why; I liked him-what I knew of him. But Jack seemed wary, like he couldn't believe he was here. Knowing better than to push the subject, I let it go, chalking it up to not knowing much about how he got here in the first place. "Finding anything?" Jack asked, looking up at me from his crouched position near what was the kitchen area. "A few uncrushed prescription bottles, some unharmed wrapped food products…other than that, nothing," I said, pointing to my stack of useful items, which was small. "I shouldn't have left the medicines down here," Jack mumbled, shaking his head. I shrugged, my heart going out to my husband. "You didn't leave _all_ of it. And how were you supposed to know that the hatch was going to almost blow up?" Saying it sounded ridiculously flippant, but it was true. Jack grinned a little, nodding. "True…Very true," he said, going back to work. Weaving my way close to him, I knelt down to whisper in his ear. "By the way, the showers survived…" I said with a small, sexy smile. Before he could comment, I went back to work. "Hey Barbie!" I glanced up, where Sawyer and Kate were standing at the bookshelves; Kate was trying to restrain her fit of giggles as Sawyer tossed an object to me, a wide smirk across his face. Reaching up, I deftly caught it in one hand, my eyes widening. A deck of cards. "For next time…maybe you can invite the two of us," he said wickedly. I stared at Kate, who shrugged with a wide grin. Feeling the heat rise to my cheeks, I looked over at Jack, who was shaking his head, not even looking up at us, but the embarrassed smile across his face was obvious.

Among picking up the trash, I spotted Desmond enter the room, looking dazed and a little reminiscent. I stopped, watching him, as he looked around the room, then, in a quick movement, bolted outside. I glanced at Jack, who had been watching him too, who immediately followed the man. _What the heck? Where's he going? _ And, with a slight hesitation, I followed them both, jogging out of the hatch and into the fresh jungle air, ignoring the throbbing pain in my upper thigh. I kept a good distance between Jack and I, knowing that he probably didn't want me following him. "Stop! Where are you going?" Jack yelled, coming to a halt, a little winded, at the top of the crest of a small ditch, Desmond skidding to a stop a few feet in front of him. Moving a little to my right, I gasped, my hand moving quickly to my mouth to silence it. Jack stood, perfectly still, aiming a gun at the other man. The look in my husband's eyes was lethal, but for someone who knew him, he looked more scared than anything. "You," Desmond said, his eyes widening in the sudden recognition. Jack shook his head. "Stop." "Sorry?" Desmond questioned, having moved completely around to face Jack, a slight confused expression on his face. Jack cocked the gun, preparing to take aim. "You want to shoot me? Shoot me," he said, throwing his arms up, "But I'm not having an argument…" Jack suddenly snapped, taking a angry step forward. "Why are you running? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE RUNNING FROM!" Desmond took another step forward. "I remember you…running…I know you…I met you…" Jack was shaking his head, not willing to look up at the man. I stayed crouched, a few feet behind Jack, completely at a loss as to what was going on. _You know Desmond? How's that possible? _"Stop," Jack demanded again, his voice edgy and serious. But Desmond continued. "Los Angeles. I was training, yeah? You twisted your ankle. You…" "Stop," Jack interrupted bitterly. I could hear the tears choking his voice. "You're a doctor, right? There was this girl you…you…you were worried…you said, you said you failed her. That was you," he said, his voice wild with shock. I could see Jack's hands shaking as he tried to regain composure. "It doesn't matter," he said slowly. "Was she okay, the girl?" Desmond asked. Suddenly, it dawned on me. _The Tour de Stad. Jack running, smelling. He thought…the surgery didn't work._ _He met Desmond at the stadium?_ "It doesn't matter," Jack repeated, his voice tight with emotion. "What happened to her?" Desmond urged, taking another step forward. "It doesn't matter." Desmond's shoulders dropped. "How can you say it doesn't…" "I married her!" Jack exploded, lowering his gun and breaking into sobs. I felt sick, watching all of this. Everything made sense; why Jack was suspicious of Desmond, why he wouldn't tell me what was going on…because he _knew_ him. He was with Desmond the night after my surgery. He had told him that he failed me. But he didn't. "Right…and you're not married to her anymore, then?" Desmond asked, breaking the quietness of Jack's breakdown. "She's here! She's with me! And she's…she's pregnant…" Jack gasped after a moment. Desmond cocked his head, watching him. "She's here? You lifted it up, then? You fixed her," he said contemplatively. Jack was silent. "Right," Desmond said, understanding Jack's silent response. "See you in another life, yeah?" he said, before turning and continuing to run. I watched Jack attempt to regain some composure, but every time he got a handle on his tears, another wave hit and he started all over again. I'd never seen him like this. Feeling the urge to go out to him, I crawled out from my hiding place and ran to him, throwing my arms around his neck, aware of how much pain I was in, but needing to comfort my husband instead. Jack clung to me for a moment, then pulled back. "You heard all of that?" he asked, his eyes red and cheeks blotchy. "Yeah, and it's okay. You never…you could never fail me. I'm still right here-your walking miracle. And you're still right in front of me-my hero," I said, brushing the few stray tears away with my thumb. "Now let's go back. You've got a group to lead," I said, taking his hand.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	29. A Not So 'Easy Bake' Fix

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff**

Tucking my legs underneath me, I watched Jack poke the embers in the fire, his eyes glued to his task. Nobody had asked about our quick exit from the hatch, and I really didn't think anyone would. "How's that possible?" he asked suddenly. I turned to look at him, confused. "What?" "Desmond being here. How's it possible for me to know him? Things…coincidences like that just don't happen." My mind instantly thought to Sawyer. _No, coincidences like the man you screwed being on the same flight as you and your husband don't happen._ "I don't…I can't answer the things that happen on this island. Add it among the list with the smoke monster and the deranged Others," I said, not meaning to sound sarcastic, but that's exactly how it came out. "I'm sorry. Chalk _that _up to the hormones." Jack grinned a little at my response. "Is that what's bothering you? That you knew Desmond?" I asked, scooting closer to him. "I…I don't know. I just…" Jack sighed, contemplating his thoughts before saying them, "When I met him, I was running…remember the Tour de Stad?" I nodded, urging him to continue. "I told you that I hurt my ankle. But when I did, Desmond came over to me. He asked me what my excuse was for running, and I told him about you…and he told me that I needed to 'lift it up'. I was so…Sarah, I'm not…relying on faith alone is a very difficult thing for me to do. But, that night, right there after he left, I…I prayed." I grinned, biting my lip, trying not to cry. "And what truly saved you…Sarah, that was a miracle." I watched his face soften, deep in thought. "So why did seeing him upset you so much?" I asked quietly. "When you went into labor with Christian, I…I tried 'lifting it up'. It didn't work, Sarah. Christian died. I failed you, I failed him…and then, Desmond mentioned not being married to you…it was like he knew us. It was…unnerving." I leaned my chin down to rest on my knees, turning to look at Jack. "Maybe it wasn't that you weren't answered, Jack. Maybe…maybe Christian dying was part of a bigger plan…" Jack smiled. "You've thought about this a lot, haven't you? Either that, or you've been hanging around Locke too long." I grinned, nodding. "You know what you need?" I said, grateful to think of a diverting subject. Jack looked amused. "What?" "Chocolate. You're stressed. Chocolate would fix that," I mused. "In you're mind, chocolate fixes _everything_," he said jokingly, pulling me close to him.

"Rose…Hey," I greeted the older woman, strolling up to her and Bernard. "Hey honey. Come looking for anything in particular?" she asked, shifting some cans of Dharma food around to make room for more. "You wouldn't happen to have any more chocolate, would you?" I asked with a sheepish grin. "One bar left…but I don't have it sweetie," she said apologetically. "Who does?" "Sawyer." I rolled my eyes. "Thanks, Rose," I said, turning and heading Sawyer's general direction. I spotted him in his usual seat, out in front of his tent, reading. "It's about bunnies," he commented, catching me staring at the book cover. I raised my eyebrows, waiting for his usual, smart-ass comment. "What?" I shrugged, trying to hide to smile across my face. "So, what'd ya need there, Barbie?" he asked, finally laying the book open on his lap. "Your chocolate," I said simply, but I got a scoff from Sawyer. "Hey, I'm done tradin'. Hell, I've got enough of a stash to open my own chain of mini-marts. You think Sayid needs a job?" he asked slyly. I planted my hands firmly on my hips. "Come on, Sawyer. I'll give you anything," I begged, sticking out of lower lip, hoping maybe a pout would wear him down. He raised his gaze, scanning me. "Anything?" I shook my head. "I take that back. Anything on condition." At this, he actually looked like he was contemplating what I had said. "There is somethin' I've been wantin'," he said slowly. "What?" I asked, bracing myself for whatever was coming. Sawyer smirked, sitting forward to get closer to me. "Alright Barbie, you help me, I'll help you," he said, waiting until I looked at him to continue, "I want some help with Freckles, and you're the best damn person I can think of to do that. So, you help me, I'll give ya the candy bar." I stared at him, a little taken back at what he was asking for. "What did you have in mind?" I asked.

"Look, Sawyer, when I said I'd help, none of this entailed _cooking_. I'm a terrible cook," I said as he dragged me into the slightly demented kitchen in the hatch. With the room cleaned up again, it only looked a little worse for wear, but everything still worked. _Unfortunately._ He threw his arms up dramatically. "Well hell, girl, neither was I! I thought that was why I asked ya down here," he drawled. I grimaced. "It was…is. This is all just a little…unnerving," I explained, staring at the cooking surfaces and ovens with distaste. "Oh, I get it. You're okay with hikin' out to the middle of the damn jungle to save the world, and you'll stand up to the Artist Formally Known as Henry Gale, but you're weak in the knees over a pot rack? Makes a lot of sense, Susie Homemaker," he said exasperatedly. I shook my head, holding out my hand. "Where's whatever it is we're making?" I asked, ignoring his snide remarks. He shoved a box at me, labeled, 'Dharma Initiative Brownie Mix'. _Thank God it's in a box._

FLASHBACK

"If you'll take a look in front of you, all the materials needed to bake a very standard batch of cookies are at your disposal…" Mrs. White droned on, but I was giving the death stare to the ingredients on the counter. "Oh, come on Sarah. How hard can this be?" Megan, my best friend, said from beside me. I threw her a dirty look. "Have you _seen _me in the kitchen? And what's worse, this is for a _grade_. Why do we have to have Home Economics to graduate high school? I mean, this is something I will never do…" "Sure you will. You'll get married and have to cook for your husband," Megan countered. I shook my head. "He won't eat it after one night. We'll be doomed to nights of take-out for the rest of our lives," I said dramatically as I pulled my long blond hair back into a ponytail. Megan giggled, then reached for the recipe, laying in all its laminated glory on the counter. "This should have been in a box," I complained, reading it over the smaller girl's shoulder. "A box I might could have done."

END FLASHBACK

Thirty minutes later, I realized that there was more mix on the counters and on us than there actually was in the pan. Beside the mixer mishap that left brownie mix everywhere in the hatch, neither one of us were Martha Stewart in the cooking department. Finally managing to get the rest of the dark brown mixture into a pan, Sawyer took it and shoved it into the preheated oven. I exhaled, glad we were finished. "Nice job, G.I. Jane," he said, leaning against the counter opposite from me. I frowned, not understanding what the nickname was for. He motioned under my eyes. "Got a little war paint on ya." I rolled my eyes, attempting to wipe my face, but succeeded only in getting more batter on me. "Okay, Cowboy, you don't look any better," I retorted, grinning at the smear of flour and chocolate mixture across Sawyer's cheeks and forehead. "Ah, damn," he said, pitching the trash into the can, "I'm gonna go get cleaned up." He headed to the bathroom, leaving me in the kitchen with the task of cleaning up the disaster area. "What the hell's going on in here?" I turned, catching Jack's disbelieving face as he surveyed the mess. "I was…cooking," I said, plastering a smile across my face. Jack looked stunned. "_You_ were _cooking_?" he asked, and I laughed. "Gee, thanks honey for the support," I said, turning back around to the sink. After a pause, Jack cleared his throat. "What's that smell?" My eyes widened as I whirled to face the oven. "Shit," I cursed, running to it and throwing the door open. Pulling a mitt on, I reached in to pull out the concoction, but in my hurry, the simmering pan brushed across my arm. "Damn it!" I breathed, dropping the pan onto the countertop and grabbing my throbbing forearm. Jack immediately moved to my side, jamming my arm under an already running stream of cold water. My shoulders sagged as I stared at the brownie mess, steaming from the pan.

FLASHBACK

"How's it going, girls?" Mrs. White questioned as she surveyed the mess Megan and I had created while trying to mix the batter. I shrugged, the look on Mrs. White's face enough evidence that she wasn't happy with our has-mat area. Suddenly, a girl across the counter from us sniffed, wrinkling her nose in distaste. "What's that smell?" I heard Megan gasp behind me, and thinking quickly, I moved to the oven, opening it to only be bombarded with foul-smelling smoke. "Girls…?" Mrs. White's shrill voice carried across the room. Reaching down, I lifted the smoldering pan out of the oven before they actually caught on fire. I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I dropped the pan onto the counter. "Wow," was all Megan said, her big blue eyes glued to the simmering pan. Propping my elbows on the counter, I stared in complete belief of the wreckage in front of me. The cookies were a beautiful _black _color, lying in fried lumps on the cooking tray. "Told you I couldn't cook," I said with a sigh. "Well, at least this class is effort graded. You get points for _trying_, not actually making something _edible_," she said, patting my back in an attempt to be comforting. I nodded, not seeing the bright side to my charred desert.

END FLASHBACK

"Damn, Barbie, you burned my desert!" Sawyer roared when he came back into the kitchen. Jack moved to it, bending down to smell it. "It's not too burned. I wouldn't eat the edges if I were you, but other than that, I think Sarah salvaged the rest," Jack said decidedly, still holding my red-streaked arm in his gentle grasp. As Sawyer muttered obscenities under his breath, Jack pulled me away from the kitchen. "I've got some burn cream in my bag," he said, releasing my arm and digging through the leather pack. After a moment, he lifted a small tube out. "It's just a small burn, really nothing. I'm fine," I said as he applied the thick, gooey gel onto the marred skin, "I think my ego is more wounded than my arm." Dropping my head, I shook it, my hair falling in my face. "This brings back bad high school memories…really, _really_ bad high school memories." Jack flashed a sympathetic smile. "Home Ec.?" I nodded. "Wait, let me guess. You probably baked some fabulous soufflé or something. Right?" I said, a little bitterly. Jack shook his head. "I passed…with a Crème Brule." I rolled my eyes, but the smile across my face was playful. "It figures. You're good at everything…but you always were a great cook." "Uh-huh, enough about my cooking skills. So, you gonna tell me what's going on?" he asked, looking up from my arm, then going back to dig through the bag. I sighed, biting my lip. "I told Sawyer that I would help him do something special for Kate. I didn't know it involved _baking_," I explained as Jack wrapped a gauzy bandage around my arm. "I feel that there's more to this story," Jack said with a smile. "I actually was bartering my service…for…" Suddenly, Sawyer rounded the corner and planted the candy bar in my hand. "You kept your end of the deal, even if ya did burn my brownies, so I'm keepin' mine," he said, flashing a typical Sawyer smile before heading out, brownies in tow. Jack laughed in disbelief. "You traded cooking for him in order to get a _chocolate bar_?" he asked. I dropped my gaze to the foiled candy. "It was for you. I was getting the chocolate for you." Understanding now what my original intentions were, Jack moved to pull me into his arms. "Thank you, Sarah," he said, kissing his forehead. Wiggling back a little, I look up at him innocently. "Can we eat it now, though? It's kind been a rough day, and chocolate may help to coat the really bad memories…" "You are crazy, you know that?" he asked as he dropped to the floor, pulling me down with him. I shrugged. "I like to think that's why you married me…twice," I said, watching as he unwrapped the candy.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	30. Getting Caught in a Net

I savored the last piece of chocolate, nibbling it slowly, to make it last, as Jack and I walked through the jungle towards the beach. I let my eyes roam, knowing Jack's firm hand on my back would steer me in the right direction. When we weren't charging through it or running from the terrifying smoke monster, the jungle wasn't too bad. _It must be the chocolate talking. _And the truth was, every time I ate chocolate with Jack, ever since the first…experiment with the candy, I was turned on. And I was now. _Maybe it's the chocolate and the hormones. _Biting into the chocolate square again, my eyes caught a wash of white laying across the moss, a few feet from a tree. Frowning, I moved off towards it, away from Jack's hand, trying to see what it was. "What is that?" I mused aloud, pushing some of the vines and branches away to reach it. "Sarah?" I heard Jack call from the path, but I was already on top of the thing. "It's a doll…" I said, crouching to pick it up. It was a small baby doll, dressed in a white gown, it's head full of dirty, thick blond curls. "Wait, wait, no! No, don't!" I heard Jack yell as he crashed through the shrubbery to get to me, but I'd already lifted it up off the ground. Just as Jack reached me, his arms encircling me to knock me out of the way, a net sprung to life underneath our feet, jerking us both up together, hanging feet from the ground. I could feel Jack's body pressed up against me, his arms wedged between my back and the net. Bringing my gaze up, I bit my lip, shrugging. "Sorry," I said sheepishly. "You okay?" he asked, squirming to get a better look at me, but failing. "Yeah," I replied, nodding. Jack scoffed a little. "Oh good, so you can hear me?" he asked sarcastically. I blushed, feeling ridiculous. "I dropped the candy," I said softly, pouting a little. Jack laugh this time, slamming his head back against the net. "Sarah…" "Is this one of theirs?" I interrupted, not wanting to hear his sarcasm right now. Jack shook his head. "No, it's not sophisticated enough. It must be one of Rousseau's traps," he answered dryly, clearly not amused with our situation. "Maybe…hopefully, she's not far from here," I said brightly, but Jack shook his head. "It could be a week before she shows up. And nobody's coming to the hatch anymore now that we don't have to push the damn button." I nodded, letting all that sink in. "Oh," I replied, completely at a loss for words.

"Ouch!" I cried as Jack's elbow jabbed me in the side, "What are you doing?" Jack grunted with the hopelessness of whatever he was trying to do. "I'm trying to get the gun. I can't get my arm around," he huffed, trying again, unsuccessfully, but not missing the opportunity to stab me in the same place with his elbow again. "OUCH! Just…hang on," I said, reaching both of my arms around his waist. My fingers felt around for the metal, which was frustrating, but it felt good to be pressed up against Jack's firm chest. _Stop it, Sarah! Get your mind out of the gutter. _"Alright…" I mumbled into Jack's shirt as my fingers closed around the butt of the gun. I moved slowly, pulling it around his waist. "I don't want to shoot you." Finally, I produced the gun, lifting it up between us. "Okay." "You got it?" Jack asked incredulously, looking down at me. "Got it, got it got it got it," I said, trying to make sure I didn't fire it. "Okay, now give me the gun," Jack ordered, moving his hand around. "Why? What for?" I asked, my voice a little panic stricken. Jack rolled his eyes. "I'm going to try and shoot the rope. Oh, hey, hey, hey…" he protested as I wiggled my hand outside the net, the gun clasped firmly in my fingers. "I've got the shot," I said, closing one eye to perfect my aim. "Oh really? When did you learn to fire a gun, Sarah?" he asked, bewildered. "Sayid taught me before we came and rescued you," I mumbled, and with a quick squeeze, I fired-and missed. "Damn it!" cursed, feeling completely stupid. Jack raised an eyebrow. "Well, at least they know where we are. Okay, _now_ give me the gun," he said, twisting his hand out to mine. "Are you going to waste another bullet?" I asked, moving my hand away from his reach. Jack shook his head. "Listen, Sarah, we've still got thirteen more to shoot each other with. Come on," he said, holding out his hand. I shrugged nonchalantly, relinquishing my gun. "Fine. You have a better angle than mine anyway," I said, cocky. Jack laughed a little, a smirk across his face. "Oh, that's going to be your excuse when I make the shot?" he asked. "_When_ you make the shot," I repeated, my voice full of uncertainty in his abilities. Jack barely aimed before he pulled the trigger, and with a snap, the bullet hit the rope and plummeted us to the ground. We fell with a thud to, Jack landing on the bottom with a grunt as I slammed into his chest, still entangled in the net. We stared at each other for a long, hot moment, Jack's dark eyes meeting mine. "Nice shot," I breathed, and with that, Jack rolled me over, kissing me as my back hit the ground. My hands moved quickly but sensuously across his tight stomach and chest as I jerked his shirt off, and with a taut yank, mine was off too, providing a little cushion on the hard ground. But I was beyond the point of caring _where _we were doing this. Jack broke apart from me, breathing raggedly, his eyes losing their hotness and darkness for a moment. "Do you want to stop?" he asked, planting his hands on either side of my head. "Are you kidding me!" I cried, wrapping my hands around his neck and pulling him back downI could feel the sweat roll down my back from the oppressing heat in the jungle as Jack's kisses showered my body, in places we hadn't even tried to kiss. It felt good to lose the heavy cotton of my jeans as Jack slid them off, losing his as well. "Do you think we're far enough off the path?" Jack suddenly asked, raising up above me. "I don't care. Let them see," I said, tackling him down to the ground, straddling him with my body pressed against his. His mouth felt amazing on mine as his tongue explored the inside of my mouth, colliding with my tongue every once in a while. Jack's hands slid to my hips, arching them against him. My skin tingled, completely electrified where he touched me as we rolled around; it was a very wild, primal feeling, still partly tangled in the net and the vines surrounding us.


	31. Accuracy

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**Sorry it's been a while… But I'm Up to Speed Again! Here's Two Chapters to Apologize**

Crossing my arms over my already broadening stomach, I bit into a mango slice, chewing thoughtfully as I watched Hurley hit a very wide, hooked golf ball into the jungle. I grimaced, a smile flickering across my face. "Man! I thought I had that one!" he yelled, tossing the golf club to the ground. "Aww…bollocks for you. It's my turn," Charlie said, bending to pick up the club. "You know, if you followed through with the shot instead of stopping to see where the ball's going to go, it wouldn't go so wide," I suggested as Hurley came over to stand next to me. "Dude, you played golf?" Hurley asked, staring at me. I shrugged. "I've hit a few…" "Dude, let Sarah try!" Hurley called to Charlie, who was preparing to swing. I shook my head. "I really am not that good…" "Oh, come on. You've like, been out here, watching us all day. The least you could do is hit a ball," Hurley argued, waving his hand towards the small, three-hole course. I rolled my eyes, but with a grin, I looked over at Charlie. "Guys, please. I have never made par on a course before," he said, concentrating on the ball in front of him. With a steady swing, Charlie tapped the ball, but missed the hole by a few feet. He groaned. "Bollocks. See that?" he yelled, pointing the club at the tiny small. I laughed, holding out my hand. "Let me try," I said as Charlie handed me the club and ball.

Coming to the "beginning" of the course, I dropped the ball and readied myself to swing. Even with my gained weight, I hit the ball fluidly, sending it high and far across the course. "Whoa, dude…" Hurley gaped. I shielded my eyes, trying to see how far it actually went. I flashed them a smile, very pleased with myself. "Alright, I bet you can't do that again. Beginner's luck. Hundred bucks says you can't," Hurley said, planting his hands on his hips. My blue eyes sparked. "You're on," I said, taking another ball from Charlie. Dropping it and taking another swing, I sent it in almost the exact same path the first one took, except this one went farther. "You need to quit betting her," Charlie pointed out, but Hurley shook his head, clearly fascinated with my newfound ability. "Past the hanging tree, double or nothing," he said defiantly. I cocked my head. "You sure?" I asked, doing the quick math in my head. "Hurley, the woman's on bloody steroids…and she's five months pregnant!" Charlie argued, waving a hand at me. I leaned against the club, waiting. "Hurley, doubles 10,000 bucks," I pointed out slowly. "Oh, that's nothing to someone who's worth 150,000,000 dollars. He'll build you your own golf course, if you'd like," Charlie said, almost sarcastically. I frowned, confused. "What's he talking about?" I asked, intrigued. Hurley shook his head. "Ignore him, he's an idiot. The bet's on," he said, and I shrugged, turning back to the course.

"Crap!" Hurley yelled as I watched my ball fly through the air, landing somewhere in the direction of the course Hurley had indicated. "You hooked it." I glanced back over my shoulder to see Jack strolling up to me. I cocked an eyebrow as he stopped beside me, dropping his hands as if he had a golf club in them. "Try keeping your left arm straight." I eyed him, a grin playing at my lips. "You giving me tips?" I asked. Jack shrugged, but the flicker in his eyes was a 'yes'. "Sarah, I'm…I'm a doctor," he said with a small cocky smile. I nodded. "So, you think you could do better?" I asked, my voice low. Jack laughed a little, turning past me to Hurley and Charlie, then back to me. "Anyone can hit a ball. That's…that's not golf." I grinned, crossing my arms with an expectant smile. "Uh-huh. And what's golf?" A smile lit Jack's handsome, yet cocky face. "Golf is accuracy." I nodded, a smirk passing my lips. "Well, why don't we play a few holes and see which one of us is more _accurate_," I said, stepping up to meet his stance. "Ooo, fighting talk," Charlie encouraged, coming to stand beside us. "Whooo," Hurley added, and Jack met my smirk. "You're kidding, right?" he asked, all but asking me to back down. I shook my head. "Three holes, no handicap, we play for…bragging rights…and maybe something else. What are we waiting for?" I asked, handing him the club with a broad grin.

"Guess you're first…ladies always go first," Jack said slyly. "Lucky me," I said, brushing past him, dropping my ball onto the tee Hurley had found. Bending slightly to swing, Jack cleared his throat. "You know…the lady's tee at our club back home is about 10 feet closer, so if you…" "Shut up, Jack," I said through gritted teeth, not even bothering to look up at him. I was concentrating on my target, a pin with a red shirt tied to it. Reeling back, I swung, the whoosh of the club whizzing past my ears. I watched it bounce, only a few feet away from the pin. "Nice," Jack commented, clapping as I took a small bow. "You're up," I said with a smile, shoving the club into his hands. I watched, biting my lip, as Jack rocked back and swung. It hooked hard to the right, slicing through the thin trees lining the clearing we were in. "Wow, you really put it in there," I said with a cocky grin. I heard Jack mutter something under his breath as we headed into the jungle to find his ball.

Pushing some low-lying underbrush out of my way, I found Jack standing on the edge of a small stream, clearing rocks and dirt clods out from around his ball. I smirked, crossing my arms across my chest. "We have more balls, sweetie," I said, my voice dripping with kindness, "You could always just take a _drop_." Jack smiled politely up at me, but I could tell he was irritated. "I'm good. Got it. You may want to move," he said through clenched teeth. I shrugged, stepping to stand beside him. "Take your shot, _Tiger Woods_," I said, waving him on. Aiming, Jack swung hard, and actually managed to get the ball out of the jungle, back onto the green. "See, I've got it. No problem," Jack said, allowing me to head out of the jungle first.

But after the second hole, Jack didn't have it like he thought he did. I was one shot up on him, and we were just about to finish the third hole. "Dude, you've got to sink this hole-get it, and you get to wear the blazer," Hurley said, his tone serious as he rubbed Jack's shoulders. I cocked my hands on my hips, watching the men. "No pressure," I said, grinning from the sidelines. Looking around, I felt a little embarrassed. Guessing that Charlie and Hurley had told everyone what we were doing, a crowd had gathered around us. "Yeah, no pressure," Charlie scoffed from beside me. "Five bucks says he sinks it and beats Sarah," Hurley whispered, leaning close to Charlie. "Hey!" I said, turning to him. "Hey, you're betting against Sarah?" Charlie asked incredulously. Hurley shrugged. "Sorry dude," he said around Charlie to me. "Make it ten and you're on," Charlie said, nodding. "Guys!" I said, rolling my eyes. "I don't have any cash, but I bet my dinner on the doc's wife," Bernard said, joining the small group. "Thank you!" I said, waving to him and Rose. "I've got two tubes of sunscreen, a flashlight, that says he chokes," Sawyer's booming drawl came up behind the group. Jack had stopped, watching with an amused grin-until Sawyer had shown up. "I'll take that action," Kate said from across the green. "Yeah, me too," Charlie jumped in. Claire, who had been quiet this whole time, punched him lightly. "You just bet _on _Jack, genius," she said with a smile. "We need the sunscreen," he said, like it was obvious. At that, Claire closed her mouth. Tired of listening to all this, I moved slowly up behind Jack, sliding my arms down his shoulders and around his neck. "You know, if you throw this, I'll make it worth your while-and not in sunscreen," I whispered in his ear. He glanced back at me, a smile across his face. "It's already been worth my while-and it will be whether I win or lose," he said with a grin. "If that's what you think…you better hope you're right," I said, running my fingers down his back before walking away, back to my spot beside Charlie. Jack hesitated for a moment, like he was thinking, then prepared to swing. Taking very careful aim, he rocked the club back. _Damn him; he's going to sink this. _But as he hit, the ball travel slightly to the left of the hole, missing only marginally. Groans and cheers echoed over the crowd as those who won collected their earnings, while those who lost dished it out. Jack turned, looking only slightly defeated. "Sorry, babe," I said, walking over to him and taking his hand, "Looks like I'm just…better." "Uh-huh. But," he said, leaning close to my ear, "I'm definitely not sorry."

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	32. Naps, Knives, and Ponies?

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**Sorry it's been a while… But I'm Up to Speed Again**

FLASHBACK

Hearing the bell ring at 3:00, I exhaled a deep, contented sigh as the swarm of fourth graders rose to leave for the afternoon. "See ya Miss Cooper!" Kindel, one of the girls, waved as she walked briskly past my desk. I waved, wiggling my fingers at her as she hurried out of the door. One of the boys, however, lagged behind, watching me out of the corner of his eye, ducking quickly, finding his shoes very interesting at the particular moment I chose to look at him. Rising from my desk, I walked around to the front, taking a few steps to the first desk. "Something wrong, Trevor?" I asked, sliding into the desk to get eye level with the little boy. He was one of my quiet kids, usually not a huge talker, but extremely bright. Trevor's big, green eyes looked up at me for a split second, then dropped his head back to his book bag, shaking his head; his large glasses dipped down on his nose, and with a tiny finger, he pushed them back up without looking at me. I watched him for a moment, silent, as he shoved things, orderly, into his book bag. I cocked my head, my eyes falling on his tightly clutched hand. "You want to show me what you've got in your hand? I'd love to see it," I urged, flashing him a big smile. Trevor's voice was barely audible as he responded, "You won't like it. Nobody else did. They all made fun of me for it." His voice quivered slightly, and he sniffed, trying not to cry. I dropped from the seat, down to my knees, moving right beside him. "Please show me, Trevor. I really want to see," I pleaded. Slowly, the little boy extended his hand, palm up. Inside was a small pin, shaped like the serpent and staff, something a doctor would have. "Wow, Trevor! I love it!" I exclaimed, my fingers brushing over the small object. Trevor's eyes lit up excitedly. "Really? I got from my daddy. He got it for working at the hospital…and then he gave it to me before he…" he said, his voice drifting off. I knew, from talking to Rachael, Trevor's mom, that her husband, Tom, had been killed in a tragic accident right outside of the hospital he worked for. "Trevor, I think it's really cool. Why don't you show it to the class tomorrow, okay? We'll talk about being a doctor. You can even tell them lots of neat things about what your dad showed you," I said, trying to brighten the little boy's saddened features. "Okay!" he said, smiling broadly. I nodded, catching his smile. "Sounds good, Trevor. Look, you'd better go before your mom gets worried," I said, rising from the floor. He nodded several times, throwing his book bag over his shoulder. "Bye Miss Cooper. And thanks!" he said waving. He bolted out the room, dodging a tall, well-dressed man leaning against the doorframe.

Dusting off my skirt as I straightened the desks, I turned to face Jack, grinning in the doorframe. "What?" I asked, planting my hands on my hips. He nodded, stepping inside the brightly decorated classroom. "That was good, what you did for him," he said, sitting on the edge of my large desk. I smiled. "They're like my own kids…I feel like they _are_ mine. I can't stand it when they're upset. He wanted to talk, he needed to. He just needed an ear to tell it to," I said with a small smile. "How are you feeling?" Jack asked, his voice falling serious. "Fine. Good. I mean, I was crawling around with the kids today, and I made it to the floor, so I think that's pretty darn good," I said with a grin. Jack nodded. "Good. I just wanted to make sure you weren't going into withdrawals from the painkillers," he said. I frowned, leaning against a desk. "Is that the only reason you came here?" I asked, trying to hide my disappointment. Jack shrugged. "Well, that…and to take my girlfriend to lunch," he said smiling broadly. I blushed, catching the affectionate gaze Jack held on my face. "But on one condition. Sarah, you have got to take it easy, okay? This surgery, plus all the weeks of physical therapy you went through-that was a lot. Just…I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to have to go through more physical therapy and more surgeries," he finished, his voice very soft. I smiled, wrapping both my arms around his waist, my head resting against his chest. "I will, Jack. I promise I will."

END FLASHBACK

Falling back against the cushion of the pillows and blankets in our tent, I immediately closed my eyes. I was exhausted feeling, and I knew it wasn't just because I was eight months pregnant. _You really need to take it easy with this one, Sarah. _That was the warning Jack had given me two months ago when I had started to show. And I had promised him that I would. But had I listened? Of course not. I wanted to stay active; my body and personality demanded it. However, with the blistering heat and extra weight I'd accumulated, it was not easy being so active. Feeling the need for some rest, I closed my eyes, thinking a short nap wouldn't hurt.

Panic rose in me as a hand slapped over my mouth, and my eyes snapped open, staring into the darkness. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't scream. But I did see the huge, glittering needle in the hand of my attacker, heading straight for my stomach. Finally, I bit down on the finger closest to my mouth, causing the hand to jerk away. And I took my opportunity; I screamed, loud and piercing, the sound literally hurting my own ears.

"It's alright, Sarah. Hey, you were dreaming…it's okay, it's okay," Jack's voice soothed, gripping my wrists, trying to calm my thrashing, defensive moves. I opened my eyes, breathing raggedly, my hand immediately going to my stomach. "It was here. I…I was sleeping and woke up, and he was trying to hurt my baby. He had…he had this thing like a needle, and he was trying to stab me with it. He was trying to hurt our baby," I sobbed, falling into Jack's arms. I could feel eyes locked on me and murmurs start around the tent as the castaways relayed what I'd said. Jack stroked my hair, not speaking for a moment, waiting patiently for me to calm down. "Sayid, please…" Jack said very quietly, motioning to the group of people huddled around us. Within minutes, Sayid had the whole place cleared out, leaving me and Jack alone. I clung to him, terrified, unable to stop crying for a few minutes, but after a while, I caught my breath, and the tears were reigned. Jack didn't say anything for a moment, but he frowned when he caught sight of the blood on his arms. Wiping it off, he picked up my hands, then reached for his leather bag. "That must a hell of a nightmare," he said softly. I shook my head as he poured peroxide on a cloth to clean the blood off my palms. "Who said it was a nightmare?" I asked, a little defensive. Jack watched me, a little incredulously, but then went back to examining my hands. "Sarah, I'd say when someone makes their fists so tight they dig their fingernails a quarter of an inch into their palms they weren't dreaming about riding ponies. You've never done this before, have you?" he asked. _You should know. You're married to me. _But then I rethought that statement. _He's just trying to help_. "I don't think so. How would I know?" I asked softly as Jack wrapped gauze around my palms. Jack smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "It'll get back to you. Remember, I used to talk in my sleep?" he said, raising his eyebrows. I glared at him, remembering the first time Jack talked, saying some things that I didn't appreciate, and probably weren't good for our marriage. "How have you been feeling?" he asked, quickly changing subjects. I shrugged. "Okay. Back's pretty sore, but it's just from sleeping on the ground. I get dizzy if I stand up too fast. And, I have to pee all the time," I added with a smirk. Jack nodded, a smile crossing his lips. "You eating enough?" he asked sternly. I nodded. "Boar and bananas," I said with a shrug. Jack nodded again, and for a moment, I felt like I was a case study in his doctor's office. "You know, I think I'm going to take a walk…" I said, pushing myself to my feet. "Sarah, do you think that's really a good idea, with the baby?" he asked, starting to get up, but I was already out the door of the tent.

I shivered a little, the restless wind making it colder than normal on the beach. And, it was dark. With the exceptions of the few small fires blazing around the camp, it was really dark. But I didn't want to go back to sleep. I didn't want to go back to Jack right now. I wanted to think, to calm myself down. I was being rash, I knew, but then my heart kicked in. _It's your baby. Whoever it was tried to hurt your baby. You're not being rash; you're being protective. _And Jack was being no help. It wasn't that he didn't care; I could tell he did, and that he was worried. But he wasn't worried about the crazy person who tried to hurt me. He was more worried about my health. "Barbie? You out here?" Sawyer bellowed. I turned, making out his silhouette swaggering my direction. "Yeah," I called back, and after a moment, he found me, planting himself beside me. "Stupid beach. Can't see your damn hand in front of your face after the sun goes down," he mumbled, jamming his hands in his pockets. We stood in silence for a moment, then I shifted a little, closer to Sawyer, just trying to stay a little warmer. "Did Jack send you out here?" I asked, clearing my throat. "Nah…you think I'd take orders from Dr. Giggles over there? If he wants ya, he'll come get ya. I just thought you might like the company…or somethin' else if ya wanted it," he added with a slight drawl, his voice husky. I shook my head, laughing. "That's okay, I think I'll pass." After another moment, Sawyer shifted this time. "So, you alright? I heard ya screamin'. The entire camp probably did; you got a strong set of pipes on ya, Blondie," he asked, trying to play off his concern, but I could hear it, shading his sarcasm. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, now pretty large and round. "Yeah, I'm fine…I guess. No, you know, I'm really not," I sniffed, feeling the tears well up again. "Sawyer, somebody's trying to hurt my baby. I swear that I was attacked, but nobody…Jack doesn't even believe me," I blurted, almost embarrassed that I'd told him all that. "Huh. Barbie, I've learned not to get on your bad side, so if you say so, hell, I'll believe ya. But who would try and hurt you? With the Doc not five feet away from you, and the entire camp around ya?" I thought about what he was saying, and it made sense. But it didn't matter; I knew I was right. "Why don'tcha go back and talk to Jack-ass? Hell, I'll give him a few words tomorrow mornin'. You need sleep; you're like a zombie in the land of the livin'. Deal?" he asked, extending his hand. I hesitated, looking up at him. He rolled his eyes. "Listen, Barbie, no man in this freakin' camp would let anyone hurt you…or the child prodigy in your belly. 'Kay?" he tried again. Nodding, I shaking his hand, and Sawyer's arm went around my shoulders. "Well, then let's head back up to camp. I'm freezin' my ass off down here," he said, leading me back to the tent.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	33. Pushing Past Sanity

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**Sorry it's been a while… But I'm Up to Speed Again**

Jack looked a little put out as he walked across the sand, away from Sawyer and Kate, towards where I was sitting in the hazy morning sunlight. _Things always seem better in the sunlight._ "Sarah?" I turned, smiling up at Jack, who dropped down next to me, sitting his bag in front of his feet. "Sarah, I need to talk to you," he said seriously, reaching over and taking my hand in his. "Listen, this situation we're in, the crash, that no one's coming, this place, it…it can kind of mess with your head a little…and maybe make you see things that aren't actually there. Now, I know it feels very real. Sarah, I've been here, with my dad…" _Maybe things aren't so much better in the sunlight._ I shook my head, confused at where he was going. "I…I don't understand…" Jack sighed, running his free hand over his face. "Your baby's coming, soon. And I can't even imagine how scary that must be for you, especially after all we went through losing Christian. But the more upset you are, the more dangerous it is for you and our baby." He paused for a moment, digging through his bag and pulling out a small, amber bottle. "So, I'm asking you to take one of these." I stared at the bottle in his fingers. "What are they?" Jack inhaled, like he wished I wouldn't have asked. "It's a sedative. Very mild. Commonly used in situations like yours. It won't harm the baby. I promise," he said, shaking one out into his palm. _Yep, definitely not better in the sunlight._ "You don't believe me," I said, swallowing the hurt that swelled in my throat. "Sarah," Jack sighed, squeezing my hand gently. I jerked my hand free, scrambling to rise to my feet. "You think I'm making this up? I get attacked, and you want to give me sleeping pills?" I said, my voice rising an octave. Jack rose, shaking his head. "Sarah, they're not sleeping…look, it's a very mild sedative." I bit my lip, trying not to cry. "I'm leaving," I said quickly, storming into the tent and throwing some random stuff into the bag. "What? No! Sarah, Sarah…" Jack pleaded, following me. I pushed him away, tears blurring my vision. "I'm going to the hatch. I'll be safe at the hatch. It's not safe here," I mumbled, zipping a bag closed. "Don't do this, Sarah. Think…think about…you need to think about the baby," Jack begged, stopping me for a moment, gripping my shoulders to steady me, "Please." Looking at him, I almost changed my mind, but my head got the upper hand, and I shook my head. "Let go of me." My voice must have been threatening enough, because Jack let me go. And, with almost every eye in the camp on me, I stalked away from him, heading on the direct path to the hatch.

The more I thought about what I'd actually done, the stupider I felt. But right now, my anger hadn't subsided enough to even contemplate going back to the beach. "Hey, Barbie…Damn, slow down girl!" I stopped to glance back at Sawyer, who was striding quickly towards me, a pissed off scowl on his face. "I don't want you here right now, Sawyer. Just go back…" "Would you shut the hell up for one minute! Damn, just 'cause you're mad at Jack don't mean you gotta take it out on me! Easy, chica-I'm on your side. Freckles sent me out here, 'cause it was either this or me give the good doctor a beatin'. Damn it, if he'd get off his freakin' pedestal…" he growled, flexing his hands into tight fists, clearly as agitated with Jack as I was. He was a little breathless as he fell into step beside me. "Where the hell are you goin'?" he asked, watching with an amused grin as I struggled to carry the bulky bag through the jungle. "To the hatch," I grunted, heaving the bag up on my shoulder for the fiftieth time. "Hold on there just a tick, sugar pop. What did the Doc say to…" "Jack tried to dope me! He thinks I'm making all this up, that it never really happened," I yelled, not stopping to talk to him. But Sawyer followed anyway. "Right, so to prove your sanity, you go traipsin' through the damn jungle, alone. Well done, Barbie," he applauded, and I knew he was right, even as mad as I was. I stopped, turning to face him, my hurt and anger flooding my features. "I'm not crazy, Sawyer," I said lowly. Sawyer took a step back, holding his hands up. "I think I got it, Blondie," he said, "And I've never been one to get involved in other people's personal shit. But, do you really think that hikin' out to the middle of the damn jungle, by yourself, is a good idea? And what if, for some ungodly reason, Jack-O's right? By now, I know you gotta be tired, you gotta be stressed, and it's a hell of a lot closer to the beach than it is to that damn hatch. Just go back and let me beat the crap out of him, then you can have Jackass to yourself to chew out. 'Kay?" he asked, not wanting to sound pleading, but his voice held a note of care and slight compassion underneath it. I sighed, again, knowing that he was right. "Okay. Okay, Sawyer. We'll go back," I relented, knowing that was the best option I had. Reaching his hand out, Sawyer jerked the bag out of my arms. "Give me that! You look like a circus clown juggling that damn bag," he said, slinging it over his shoulder. I smirked at Sawyer's attempt at caring, trying to hide my smile by walking a few feet in front of him. Suddenly, I came to a stop, Sawyer almost plowing into me. "What the hell…?" he cursed, looking up at me. I was staring at the man standing a few feet in front of me, calmly, but very eerily, staring back at me. "Hello Sarah," he said simply. My heart began to thud as I squirmed under his gaze. Sawyer, in a very uncharacteristic move, stepped swiftly in front of me, shielding me from the guy. "Who the hell are you?" Sawyer barked, dropping my bag on the ground at his feet. The man chuckled slightly, shaking his head. I could literally see Sawyer's muscles tighten as he took a step back, closer to me. "Answer me, damn it," he growled. The guy calmly took a step forward, and I instinctively grabbed hold of Sawyer's bicep, breathing hard. "I'm Ethan. And I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to take the girl." My breath hitched, and I felt sick with terror. "Like hell you are," he said ferociously.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	34. Hanging in the Balance

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**Sorry it's been a while… But I'm Up to Speed Again**

Waking up, a small moan escaped my lips. A stab of fear rippled through me as I blearily sat up. I had no clue where I was; it was dark, and I was completely alone. _Where am I? Why am I in the jungle?_ My head was swimming as I pushed myself to my feet, which I could barely see around my large, round stomach. Memories began to slowly push their way back as I stared at my belly. _Jack. The plane. _But that didn't answer the question still lurking in my mind. _Why am I out in the middle of the jungle?_ Swallowing hard, I started picking my way through the brush, trying to get back to the beach. Then, I realized I was exhausted my body barely wanted to move. Forcing myself to continue, I made it to the edge of the jungle before hearing voices. My heart raced as I froze in terror, my hands gripping my stomach. "Sarah!" A beam of light flashed in my eyes, and I squinted, trying to see who it was. A hand grabbed my wrist, and gently tugged me towards him. "Sarah, you're okay! Hey guys, it's Sarah!" Finally gaining my sight, I realized it was Charlie pulling me onto the beach. A crowd had started to form around me, people welcoming me back, smiling. I searched their faces, confused. "Sarah? SARAH!" I recognized Jack's voice, cracking with emotion as he ran towards me. I fell into his arms, completely at a loss as to an explanation of Jack's emotions. "Jack. Jack," I said quietly, after a moment, "Jack, what's wrong? Did something happen? Why are you crying?" He pulled back, searching my face intently. "Sarah, you don't…you've been gone for six days," Jack sniffed, wiping his red, blotchy eyes. "I have?" I asked, shaking my head.

I sat quietly in an airplane seat, listening to Jack worriedly whisper to Sayid. I couldn't make out everything they said, but I knew that Jack didn't look happy; he seemed concerned. Looking around at people, they either seemed worried or sympathetic, but most wouldn't even look at me. I dropped my gaze to my shoes, figuring that was easier than getting rejected by the castaways. "Sarah?" I jerked up, finding Sayid standing over me, "Can I speak with you a moment?" Jack joined him, lowering himself to sit next to me. "Sarah, what is the last thing you remember?" he asked. I swallowed, trying to think back. "Um, I remember…I remember Sawyer walking me back to the beach," I said, trying to be helpful, but Jack just looked stressed. "Did I say something wrong?" I asked, searching Jack and Sayid's face. "No, Sarah. That was perfect," Sayid said, nudging Jack with his hand. I watched all of this, frowning. "What's going on? What's wrong?" I asked, but neither answered me. Looking around, I shook my head. "Where is Sawyer?" Jack's eyes flitted to Sayid's for a flash. "Sarah, I think maybe…" "Where is he?" I repeated, this time managing to get to my feet. Without a word, I pushed past both Jack and Sayid, heading straight to Sawyer's tent. Not spotting him outside in his usual airline seat, reading, I bent to poke my head inside. "Sawyer?" I said, timid for the first time I could remember in my life. I hesitated going inside, but before I could do anything, Jack had a hold of me. "Sarah, you need to wait…" he said, his voice firm but pained. I turned to him, my lip quivering with emotion. "Why? Will somebody tell me what the hell happened while I was gone? You won't let me talk to Sawyer, Kate refuses to say anything, and half the camp won't even look at me. I have six days of my life _missing_ in my mind, and no one will clue me in-most even shy away from me. What happened, Jack?" I asked, my voice breaking at the end.

I sat, staring at Jack in complete shock as he finished recapping the events, or at least what they knew, of the last few days. The Others were back. I was kidnapped. Sawyer was…hanged. "Is he okay? What about the baby?" I asked hesitantly after he'd stopped talking. Jack edged close to me, wrapping both arms around my shoulders. "Sawyer's…Sawyer…he…" "He survived, if that's what you wanted to know," Kate interrupted, standing over the two of us. She looked cold and steely, and she didn't even look at me; she stared straight at Jack. "He needs his bandages changed, Jack," she said before turning to leave. "Kate…" I started, but she held up her hand. For a split second, she softened, seeming to be on the edge of losing control of her emotions. "I have to get back to Sawyer. Are you coming, Jack?" she asked, her voice quivering a little. He nodded. "Give me a minute," he responded. I bit my lip, trying not to cry. "Jack, I…I don't remember…I didn't mean for this to happen. It was an accident." I was talking so fast, I was nearly hyperventilating. Tears were spilling down my cheeks, and I felt sick. "Sarah, Sarah…calm down. Take deep breaths, okay. Deep breaths…in and out," he coached, and I nodded, calming a little. "I need to go check on Sawyer. Are you okay for a little while?" he asked, not at all sure himself. "Yeah. I…I think I'm going to walk for a few," I said, rising with him.

Resting my hands on my stomach, I felt a wave of guilt wash over me again, for the umpteenth time. Walking wasn't helping get rid of it; in fact, it was making it worse, partly because my mind was replaying the last few things said to me by Kate. Stopping partway down the beach, I stared at the edge of the jungle. _What happened in there? And why can't I remember?_ Closing my eyes, swallowed, trying desperately to think back to the past days. "'Hello Sarah'." I jerked my eyes open, terrified. _I remember. I remember that voice-Ethan._

FLASHBACK

My arms ached behind my back from the too tight ropes laced around my wrists, and the gag in my mouth was making my throat dry and scratchy. But, comparably, Sawyer was in much worse condition. I felt terrible, letting my eyes flicker over to him. He was barely standing; Ethan, though incredibly scrawny, had literally beaten Sawyer within an inch of consciousness. I could see blood dripping down his right cheek, mixing with the sweat, all collecting in the rough fabric of the gag in his mouth. His eyes occasionally rolled back, but he'd shake out of it, and the cold steely gaze, full of vicious ferocity would come back. He kept sending glances over to me, I guess making sure I was okay. I was fine; I couldn't understand why they didn't hurt me. _But then again, you didn't try and maim your attacker._ "We're going to take a little break here," Ethan said, tugging gently on my wrists to make me halt, "To give Sarah a moment to rest her legs. You must be tired." He looked at me, I felt my breath quicken; he was extremely close to my face. Reaching up, he pushed a stray piece of my blond hair away from my face, his eyes locked on me. "If you won't scream, this gag isn't even necessary," he said, gently untying it from my mouth, his fingers lingering a fraction too long around my face. I heard Sawyer behind Ethan, what sounded like, "Back away from her." I jerked away from his touch, just as Ethan turned around to face Sawyer. "He's not going to want you. He really just wanted Sarah. So, I guess we'll just have to dispose of you," Ethan said, his voice extremely nonchalant and calm. With a swift kick, he caught Sawyer's jaw, sending the stronger man flat onto his back. "Fix the noose," Ethan ordered to another one of the Others. My eyes widened. "Stop it!" I yelled, taking a step forward. I felt a pair of rough hands grab my shoulders, holding me back. "Don't think so, Missy," he drawled.

I watched, in horror, as Ethan and a few Others rigged a noose in one of the higher bamboo thickets, to make sure it was sturdy enough to hold him. "Say goodbye to Mr. Ford, Sarah," Ethan said as he looped the noose around Sawyer's neck. Sawyer barely flinched; he was hardly conscious. Ethan removed the gag, and slid it up to his eyes, blindfolding him. "SAWYER!" I screamed, my voice breaking with tears. With a quick jerk, Sawyer's body was lifted off the ground, swinging sickeningly in the trees. I felt my weight give way underneath me, and I dropped to my knees , unable to watch him thrashing from the pull of the rope. His cries were unnerving; I clamped my hands over my ears, but it didn't stop the nauseous feeling that washed over me. And, just like that, everything stopped. That was the worse sound ever-the complete, sickening silence that fell over the area as Sawyer stopped moving. "Come on, Missy. Time to go-get you away from this _filth_," the man behind me said, lifting me up off the ground, back to my feet.

END FLASHBACK

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	35. Saving Grace

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**Sorry it's been a while… But I'm Up to Speed Again!**

Tearing off down the beach, as fast as a pregnant woman could run, I was partially blinded by the tears sliding down my cheeks. I needed to tell Jack what I remembered. They needed to know about the Others, that they were back, and that they'd regrouped. A sudden, sharp pain in my side made me stop. I reached my hand around, thinking it was a cramp from running. But the next pain that came was stronger and much more intense than the first, bringing me to my knees. I gripped my stomach, feeling sick, but just as sudden as they came, the pains stopped. I caught my breath, and after a moment, I pushed myself awkwardly to my feet. But that was a mistake. Suddenly, looking down, I realized with another wave of sickness that my water had broken. _Oh my God. I'm having this baby-now. _With another round of sharp contractions, I lowered myself back down onto the sand, panic rising in me. "JACK!" I screamed, praying that I was close enough to be in shouting distance. My breathing was hard and labored as I pushed through contraction after contraction, completely alone. "JACK!" I screamed again, and this time, I got a response. Without looking up, I could hear people running towards me, and like a wave of relief, Jack's voice was suddenly in my ear. "I'm right here, Sarah. Right here, okay? You're gonna be fine…you and the baby. But I need you to stop pushing; catch your breath," he coaxed, his hand propping my back up. My eyes caught Sayid looming above Jack, ready to do whatever he needed. And a few feet behind him was Sun. "Sarah, listen to me. Sun's going to switch places with me, and I'm going to walk you through delivering this baby, okay?" He spoke slowly, and that made me a little scared. But, gritting my teeth, I nodded. "Sayid, I need my leather bag," Jack said, but he'd barely gotten the words out before Sayid went tearing up the beach. "Deep breaths, Sarah. You can't deliver this baby if you can't breathe," Sun whispered, her gentle hands brushing the damp hair from my face. Jack worked my legs up, and I dug my toes into the sand, gripping them so tightly, they were cramping. _This pain is worse than what I had with Christian. _A cry escaped my taught lips, and tears slipped down my cheeks as another contraction hit me, worse than any of the ones so far.

"Jack…" Sun said, her small voice urgent, but still extremely calm after a few hours, "She's in _pain_. She needs to deliver the baby." Jack looked torn, but catching my gaze, he nodded. "Okay, Sarah…alright, I need you to push now. Push hard-as hard as you can," he said, and I did. Sun moved behind me, letting me lean against her tiny frame, and after a few moments of excruciating pain, Jack held up his hand. "Sarah, stop! STOP! Shit…the baby's breeching…" I fell back against Sun, breathless and exhausted, but my immediate concern was the look of worry on Jack's face. "Jack…what's…" I gasped out, unable to finish my sentence. Sayid, by that time, made it to Jack's side. "Jack!" I screamed, tearing spilling down my face. _I am going to lose this baby. I am going to lose my second child._ "Sarah, I want you to push…" Jack said, his voice as determined as his eyes. I shook my head; the thought of burying another baby made me sick. "Sarah, push! PUSH!" Taking a few deep breaths, I pushed, screaming at the top of my lungs, my voice finally breaking with the final push. "It's out!" Sun said as my arms gave way underneath me. I was crying so hard, I was making myself nauseous. _I lost my baby. I lost my other baby. _Suddenly, breaking all my coherent thoughts, a shrill, high pitched cry rang out at my feet. "It's a girl…" Sayid said, a small smile across his face. Adrenaline pumping through my body, I scrambled to a sitting position, my eyes locking on the small bundle in Jack's arms. Jack was sobbing, but a huge smile was spread across his face as he cradled the baby. Moving slowly next to me, Jack laid the tiny, wailing baby in my arms. "It's a girl…we have a baby girl," he repeated, kissing my forehead. I gasped for a solid breath as I held her. She was tiny, but then she was almost a month early. She had a full, fuzzy head of dark, wild hair. _Jack. She's got Jack's hair. _"Allie. Allison Grace Shephard," I whispered, looking up at Jack for his approval. "Allie. It's perfect, Sarah. She's perfect…"

Waking up in the early morning to Allie's cry was one of the best feelings I'd ever experienced. I wriggled out of Jack's semi-conscious hold to move to the crib that Claire had let me take, now that Aaron was old enough not to need one. Lifting the infant to my arms, I moved out onto the beach, outside the shelter, so as not to disturb Jack. _He really needs the sleep_. He'd dutifully taken over the father figure full force, and had been taking care of Allie for me so I could get some rest, something I'd lacked in over the past few days. I always felt a little twinge of panic, knowing that the Others were still out there, and that they could possibly still want our baby, but things had been calm over the past few days. I let my eyes wander across the beach as I rocked the baby in my arms. It was relatively dark, with the exception of a few scattered fires, dimly burning from earlier in the day. Except one, which was still roaring against the dark sky. I could still make out the silhouette of the figure stretched out near it. Taking a deep breath, I made my way to the fire, stopping a few feet away from it. "Last time I was with you in front of a fire, I ended up with the world's worst hangover and a new appreciation for 'I Never'," I said softly. "That so?" Sawyer responded, very dryly and cold. "Mind if we sit? I think…" "We?" he cut me off, his eyes flashing, even in the darkness. "Yeah…me and Allie," I said, walking around the fire and sitting down next to Sawyer, putting some space in between us. After a moment of silence, Sawyer shifted beside me. "It's quiet…unlike baby Huey over there who wouldn't shut up. Damn kids…" he said, but his voice had lost the bite to it. "Would you like to hold her?" I asked, bringing my gaze up to him. Sawyer looked dumbfounded for a minute, then shook his blond head. "No." I smiled, almost wanting to laugh. "You won't break her, I promise. And, she's quiet. She not really much of a crier," I said, holding my arms out and laying the baby in Sawyer's arms. He stiffened a little, but relaxed after a second, his eyes falling on the baby. "She looks like Jackass," he said, his face close to Allie's. "I know…but she's got my eyes. They're blue," I said proudly. He gave her another once over. "Ya know, for being the spawn of the devil, she ain't half bad," he commented. I rolled my eyes. "Jack is _not_ the devil…and neither am I…whichever one of us you were referring to," I said quickly, covering my bases.

After another moment of silence, I cleared my throat softly. "Sawyer, I'm sorry. I…don't think I'll ever be able to apologize…" "Stop. You ain't got nothin' to apologize for. You didn't do nothin', so quit acting like ya did," he said, his voice husky. I smiled a little at Sawyer, rocking Allie in his strong arms. "I named the baby 'James'," I blurted, which brought Sawyer's eyes up to mine immediately. "What the hell are you yappin' 'bout?" he asked. I felt flustered, but I wanted him to know. "Christian, our first baby. The one that…I named him Christian _James_ Shephard." The split second reaction that flashed across Sawyer's face was one of the most rewarding things that I'd ever witnessed. "You did?" he asked, dropping his gaze back to Meg. I nodded, smiling, my eyes welling with tears. "Yeah." Sawyer was silent for a minute, then gently passed the baby back to me. "Better take her back 'fore she gets all whiny and _baby-like._ Although, she's probably like the infant prodigy with the good Doctor as her daddy," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "And you need to go back to bed; you look like hell." I rose, dusting myself off with my free hand, and headed around the fire. "Goodnight Sawyer," I said, turning to leave. "Thanks," he said, making me freeze. I glanced back, holding his gaze for a moment. _Things are going to be alright between the two of you._ "You're welcome…Uncle Sawyer," I said with a huge grin. "God, please…NO," he laughed, shaking his head. I nodded. "Oh, yes…Uncle Sawyer and Aunt Kate." His face softened a fraction for a minute. "She ain't mad at you, you know," he said, "She's just scared." I nodded, shifting the baby in my arms. "I know," I said, and with a small smile, I turned and went back to the tent.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	36. Playing House with Not So Nice Neighbors

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**Sorry it's been a while… But I'm Up to Speed Again**

Feeling the soft, ocean breeze waft over my bare arms, I shivered a little. Jack, who was breathing quietly, almost snoring beside me, didn't move as I pushed myself to a sitting position. Allie's cradle caught the glow of the moonlight, casting odd shadows across the sand. I let my eyes adjust to the darkness, then glanced up at the tarp, blowing in the wind. _Why isn't that tied down? Jack tied it down before we went to sleep. _I stood, padding over to the doorway, grabbing the bottom and pulling it taut before tying it to a small post wedged in the sand. Finishing, I slipped over to the cradle, peering down into the bed. My eyes flickered over it, thinking maybe it was the shadows creating a wrong picture. But reaching down, my hands searched, gaining panic, over the blankets. The empty blankets. The scream that escaped my lips was sure to wake everyone in the camp up, but I didn't care. "Sarah! Sarah, what's wrong!" Jack groaned, blearily waking up. "Allie's gone! Jack, Allison's gone," I cried, my voice breaking through the tears.

FLASHBACK

"Hey…let's play _house_!" I squealed, my tiny, ten-year old voice jumping up at the end of my statement. Clasping my hands together tightly in front of my face, I glanced excitedly from my best friend, Jenny, to her brother, Nick, who threw a sideways, quite disgusted look to his best friend, Cory. Jenny, after a little thought, nodded, her head bobbing her long, red hair across her freckled cheeks. "Okay! Cory, you be my _husband_," she ordered, grabbing his arm and dragging him over to our playhouse. I grinned, but felt a faint blush creep across my cheeks. _Thanks, Jenny. _I'd had the biggest crush on Nick since I'd met him; he was so cute- curly, dark hair, with piercing green eyes. And even though he was a year older than I was, he was always so sweet to me. Nick stretched out his hand, grinning broadly. "Let's go, before Cory and Jenny take the good house," he said.

Gazing down at the baby doll in my arms, a huge smile crossed my face. I hugged it close, its fuzzy, blond head placed gently in the crook of my arm. "I can't even imagine you when you actually become a mom, Sarah," Nick stated, watching me settle on the ground, still holding the baby, "You're going to smother them, like my mom. Yuck!" He wrinkled his nose, making the freckles, almost identical to Jenny's, dance across the bridge of his cheeks. "I want to have lots of kids…" I sighed, smiling up at him. He nodded, leaning against the side of the plastic playhouse. "You will…and all them will be just like you…again, YUCK!" he joked, his voice teasing. Gently, very carefully, as not to harm or disturb it, I laid the doll in the crib next to me. Tucking my hair behind my ears, I rose, bringing myself to stand in front of Nick. "Hey, Sarah…come out here!" Jenny's voice called from outside the house. Nick was first out, but I was right behind him. "What Jenny? And where's Cory?" I asked, glancing around the backyard, frowning. Suddenly, I heard Cory laughing behind me, and I whirled to see him dangling my doll by its foot high in the air. With a shrill cry, I bolted after him. "Cory, give that back! You're going to hurt it!" I cried, chasing him. But Cory was faster than I was, and taller, so the doll was well out of my grasp. "Hey Cory…give it to her," I heard Nick yelling. Tears were welling in my bright eyes, watching the doll being carelessly tossed around. "Okay…fine!" Cory yelled, and with a laugh, he launched the doll across the yard. I screamed in horror, watching everything happen in slow motion. Nick moved to catch it, but was short as the doll slammed against a nearby tree. It's tiny arm broke off with a pop, landing underneath the doll's body.

Moving to the doll with lightening speed, I fell to my knees, tears sliding down my face. With trembling hands, I picked up the doll in one hand, the arm in the other. I could hear Nick say some sharp words to Jenny and Cory, then I felt a hand on my shoulder. "She'll be okay, Sarah. We can fix her…" I shook my head, wiping the tears with the sleeve of my shirt. "She's…she's broken…he broke her…" I sobbed, cradling the baby doll close. Nick reached down, taking the doll from my arms. "Let me see her," he said, very gently. I watched him with blurry eyes as he turned the doll over in his hands, cocking his head to see if he could get a better look at what had happened. "Can I take her home with me for a while? Like…to the emergency room?" he asked. I shrugged, sniffing, rising from the grass. "I guess…" I said, crushed as I walked back inside, leaving Nick in the yard.

END FLASHBACK

The sun was peaking out over the horizon as the group gathered around, whispering urgently to each other. There was a nervous intensity that sat over the castaways; no one was sure what had happened-all they knew was that a baby was missing. Rumors were beginning to circulate that the Others had come back to the camp because I'd gotten away before they could get the baby, or that a rogue boar had taken her during the night. Sayid, Jack, Locke, and Sawyer hovered around the tent, talking in hushed whispers. Well, everyone but Sawyer, who was almost to the point of screaming, and his hands were flying animatedly. "He looks like he's about to strangle Jack." I jerked a little at the voice, not expecting anyone to speak to me right now. Wiping my eyes, I looked up into Kate's soft face. "Hi." "Hi," I responded, sliding over a little to give her room to sit. She dropped next to me, resting her chin in her hands as we watched the men deliberate. "You're right. Sawyer's seeing red," I commented softly. "That's okay. That vein in Jack's next is sticking out. He's just as mad-maybe more," she said grinning. "I wish they'd quit arguing and find Allie. We've sat around for hours," I said, tears welling in my eyes again. "I'd be right up there in they're faces. I can't believe you're not," Kate said. "I was-for hours. Jack told me to sit…which made me mad, so I argued some more. Right now, I just…I'm just scared. She's just a baby…" Kate reached out and squeezed my arm. "Stay put," she said, rising from her seat and storming over to the group. After a few moments, I walked up to them, frustrated with having to wait any longer. "I want to go after my child. NOW. The Others took her, and I want to go get her back," I spat, pushing my way into the circle. Sayid stared at me, his hands planted on his hips. "I don't think the Others took Allie, Sarah," he said, slowly. I immediately could tell this subject was what split the group in their discussion. My eyes jerked over to Jack, completely thrown. "He thinks…he thinks it was Rousseau," Jack explained, his hand moving to my lower back, an attempt at being supportive. I could feel his hand trembling against my skin. _He's as scared as you are. _"That's nuts, Mohammed, and you know it!" Sawyer roared. But Kate held her hand up. "Why do you say that, Sayid?" she asked inquisitively. Sayid launched into his explanation about Rousseau's daughter being taken by the Others, and how she wants desperately to have her child back. Jack looked to me, his eyes apologetic and guilty. "What do you think?" he asked, running a hand through his hair. Stiffening, I nodded slowly. "Take me to Rousseau, Sayid."

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	37. Good Fences Make Good Neighbors?

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**Sorry it's been a while… But I'm Up to Speed Again!**

Wiping the sweat streaking down my face with my arm, I continued hiking along behind Jack. I could literally feel the sticky, salty drops soaking through my clothes, running between my shoulder blades, down the nape of my neck. The heat was sweltering, almost oppressing, and the silence that fell over the group as we trekked through the jungle was more oppressing. Sayid led, with Jack and I right behind him, with Kate and Sawyer bringing up the rear. "Sarah?" I looked up from my fixated stare on the ground, making sure I didn't fall, to meet Jack's gaze. "Hmm?" He silently reached in his bag and lifted a water bottle from his bag, handing it to me. "You're getting dehydrated. It's hot…and we've been storming through the jungle for hours and you haven't drank anything," he said, his voice very matter-of-fact and distant. I took the bottle, but held it in my hands, not drinking it. "Aren't you scared?" I asked, forcing myself to look up. Jack was silent for a moment, and I didn't think that he was going to answer me. "I am terrified," he said, his voice hitching a little, "I just got my first chance to be a father, and I've already screwed it up. I don't know where Allie is or if she's okay…and I blame myself for everything that's happened. I feel like a failure…I feel like my dad." I knew Jack was crushed. The one thing that Jack never wanted, as long as I'd known him and his family, was that he never wanted to end up like his father- the man who wasted his life away, all the while being the worst possible father figure he could be to his only son. "That's not true, Jack…" I started, but he held up his hand. "Sarah, I love you, and I know that you would never tell me that I was like my father, but I know I am. This is my fault Allie is gone. I have no idea how to go about finding her…" "But you care, which is more than your father ever did for you. Doesn't that make a difference?" I interjected, but my argument was interrupted by a shrill, breathy wail. A baby's cry. "That's Allie!" I inhaled, taking off at a run, tearing through the jungle, following the sound of my daughter's scream. "Sarah…wait!" I could hear Kate yelling from behind me, but I had already burst into the clearing, a wave of relief flooding my body. Danielle Rousseau stood, bouncing Allison in her arms, trying to quiet her distress. Sawyer literally had to hold Jack back from charging up to the unstable woman and ripping his child from her arms. "Danielle?" Sayid said, a little breathless. The woman looked like she was out in some other world, unaware of our presence. "Danielle, what are you doing? The baby needs her mother," Sayid said very gently, walking slowly towards the older woman. My eyes were glued on Allie, her cries heart wrenching to listen to. "They took my Alex. Three days after I gave birth, They came and took my Alex…" she mumbled. "Danielle, Allison needs her mother, Sarah. Allie is Sarah and Jack's child," Sayid reasoned, taking another step closer. "Listen, _Ali_, the woman's got a few too many screws loose. Just take the damn kid and let's go," Sawyer snapped from behind me. Swallowing, I took a step forward. "Danielle? Danielle, my name is Sarah Shephard. I gave birth to Allison a few weeks ago. Danielle, I know what's it's like to lose a child," I said softly, taking very cautious, slow steps up to her, "I lost my first child. And I was crushed. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I know that Allie needs me, just as much as I need her right now. Jack and I both need her. Please, Danielle. Please, just hand her to me." I was just a few steps away from her. Rousseau looked up at me, her bright blue eyes troubled. "She's a beautiful child," she said quietly. I smiled, looking down at Allie's dark hair and big eyes. "I know," I said, extending my arms. Rousseau, with a slight hesitation, lay the baby girl in my arms, dropping hers limply at her side.

Jack was instantly beside me, reaching out to touch his baby girl, like every normal parent, checking to make sure she was okay. She stared up at Jack adoringly, with her big blue eyes, her hands reaching out to clasp onto him. Jack let out a strangled breath as she clamped on to his finger with both hands. "Let's get back," Kate suggested, breaking the silence that had fallen over the group.

FLASHBACK

Sitting at the kitchen table, I stared vacantly out into the backyard, trying to get my mind to block the image of my broken doll lying helplessly on the ground. Jenny kept trying to call me, but I'd asked not to talk to her. Pushing the lunch in front of me around on my plate, I sighed. "Sarah, why don't you go play with some of the new dolls your dad bought you? They're just as good as the other one. Maybe even better," Heather, one of the maids in our house, suggested to me. I shook my head, sliding out of the chair as she picked up my hardly touched plate. "Sweetie, come on. Cheer up. You've got a million dolls in your playroom," she said, rubbing my back comfortingly. I forced a small smile, nodding dejectedly. "Yeah, you're right…" I said, moving towards the playroom, just to get Heather off my back. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and I heard Heather bustle quickly to the foyer. "Sarah, honey, it's for you!" she called. Turning, I headed towards the front door, stopping short with surprise. "Hey Sarah," Nick said, his grin crooked as he stood in the doorway. I smiled, for real, back at him, glad to see him. Stepping inside, he glanced over his shoulder. "I gotta hurry. My mom's waiting to take me to baseball practice. But I wanted to bring you this…" he said, reaching into his duffle bag and pulling out my doll. I gasped, clamping my hand over my mouth with surprise. Her arm was back in its rightful place, with a tiny sling draped across her arm. "I told you…she just had to go to the hospital," he said, placing it gently in my arms. I stared up at him, at a complete loss o what to say. "Thank you, Nick," I finally managed, lunging into his arms, hugging him tightly around the waist, because that's about where I came to. "No sweat, Sarah," he said, hugging me back. A horn blew distantly outside, and Nick pulled away. "I gotta go. I'll see ya around, 'kay?" he asked, waving and flashing me a bright smile as he raced down the steps, back out to his mother's van. I watched him go, still holding tightly onto the doll, elated beyond all measure.

END FLASHBACK

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	38. Wanting Barbies and My Little Ponies

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**Sorry it's been a while… But I'm Up to Speed Again**

Allie grew up too fast before our eyes. Watching her learn to take her first steps, waddling ungracefully between Jack's feet as he held both her tiny hands and walked behind her as she fought through the sand; saying her first word, which to Jack's delight, was "dadadadadada"; but, my favorite, and probably everyone else's, was Allie's ability to finally sleep through the entire night. Rolling over to wiggle back into Jack's arms, my eyes scanned the blankets next to me, falling on Allie's face, covered up to the nose with a blanket. She was four, and already a little handful on the island, especially with her counterpart, a slightly older Aaron. Things had relatively settled on the island. People did basically what they did every day, all hope of actually getting rescued slimmed down dramatically. But that, oddly enough, was okay with me. Allison was happy, Jack was happy, for some of the first times in our relationship, and I was happy if they were. But there was one thing that bothered me, though I really didn't mention it to anyone. Watching Allison sleep, I was aware of all the things that I wanted her to have, to experience. Problem being, we didn't have any of those things here on the island. I felt ridiculous even mentioning it to Jack, knowing he'd probably think I was out of my mind. "What?" I shivered a little as Jack's warm breath blew against my ear. I rocked back slightly, leaning against his broad frame. "Hmm?" I asked, not sure what he was talking about. "You look like you're thinking. About what?" he asked, his voice very patient. I paused, trying to bring all my thoughts to a coherent statement. "Just watching Allie," I whispered, not wanting to wake the tiny girl up. Jack eyed me, even in the dark, very skeptically. "Uh-huh. And you're going to tell me the truth _when_?" Sighing, I laid my head back down. "Not right now." I felt Jack's hand come to rest on my arm. "Sarah…" he started, but was interrupted by Allie's faint moaning. "Mommy…" she whispered, her voice quivering slightly. My hands automatically reached out, along with Jack's, to move her close to us. "Baby, what's the matter?" Jack asked softly as the little girl rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, along with the few tears that had welled up as well. "I had a bad…bad…" "Dream?" Jack finished for her as the tiny girl's bottom lip started to tremble. She nodded her dark head vigorously, latching onto my neck with both arms. "Come here, babe," I said, heaving her over my stomach to lay between Jack and I. She squirmed, rolling and twisting to find a comfortable spot to go back to sleep. "Are you mad at daddy?" she asked, scrunching her face to look me keenly in the eyes. _Damn, she's good. Just like her father. _"No, sweetie, I'm not. Now go back to sleep, okay?" I answered, brushing her wild hair away from for face. Jack leaned close to me, kissing my cheek softly. "We're going to talk about this," he whispered in my ear before lying back down.

Watching Allie down in the surf out of the corner of my eye, I helped Sun wring out semi-clean, wet clothes. "She's very full of energy," Sun commented, smiling at Allie, who was vengefully splashing a not-so-pleased Aaron. "No kidding," I laughed, shaking out one of Jack's shirts. Jack was off, doing his doctor thing, but even this morning, if it wouldn't have been for Gary the hypochondriac, we would have been discussing my worries and frustrations. _And that would have led to an argument you don't want to have. Which would upset Allie. Another thing we don't want._ "Daddy!" Allie squealed, jumping up and down excitedly in the water, drenching an already wet Aaron. Running as fast as her tiny legs could carry her, she leapt into Jack's arms, all wet and sandy. And the best part about it- Jack scooped her up, dripping salt water and sand, and hugged her close, a huge smile spread across his face. _That's exactly why you fell in love with that man._ Shifting his daughter in his arms, he strode over o where Sun and I were still working. "Hey Sun. How are things?" he asked, nodding to the Korean woman. "Very good. Sarah, I am finished. Do you need some help…?" "No. No, I've got the rest of this. Go on, Sun. Thanks for your help," I said, smiling and waving goodbye as she headed down the beach. "Alright baby, why down you go back and play with Aaron while mommy and I finish the clothes?" Jack suggested, crouching low to be in eye contact with Allie. She nodded vigorously, and took off back toward the water. "Alright…" he said, pushing himself back up to face me, "your turn." I kept busying myself with the clothes, not exactly looking up at Jack. "What? There's nothing to talk about. Really," I said into the water. "Sarah, what is it? What's wrong? Just…talk to me," Jack pleaded, reaching down and catching my hands from plunging back into the water. I sighed, relenting, and looked up. Jack's face was patient, with a mix of a little concern, like he was bracing himself for the worst. "Allie's four," I rushed out with one breath. Jack searched my face, obviously completely not following where I was going. "Jack, the only things she's known her _entire _life is the sand and the beach and the jungle. She doesn't…know anything else. I just wish…I want her to have a normal life," I said, frustrated with myself. Jack's face softened, and he reached out to pull me close to him. "Sarah, I want Al to have a normal, kid's life too, but we're on an island. I'm not sure how to get her Barbies and dollhouses and My Little Ponies," he said, resting his cheek against my hair. "I know, I know…just, don't even worry about it. It's not even a big deal," I said, but the tone of my voice clearly portrayed that it still was. Kissing Jack once more, I went back to washing clothes, and Jack headed down to the shoreline to play with Allie.

Sinking in the sand with Kate was one of the things I'd started as almost a ritual on the island. I wiggled my toes as my feet sunk farther into the sand, and jammed my hands in my pockets, letting the ocean breeze blow against my skin. "What's wrong with you?" Kate asked, turning her head to look me over. "What? Nothing," I responded, moving my eyes to the ocean, watching the waves lap on the beach. "Uh-huh? Why do I have this feeling that you're not telling the truth?" "God, am I that transparent? Even Allie could tell something was up." Suddenly, I felt a hand on my leg. Glancing down, Allie's big blue eyes glowed up at me. "Mommy, daddy sent me to tell you that is was real important that you come to the…the uhm…oh yeah, the _house_," she finished, triumphantly. I smiled down at her, basking in her glory for bringing me the message. "What's so important, baby?" I asked, suddenly a little concerned. "Uncle Sawyer was there, and he said that daddy was going to marching off into the jungle of misery and not coming back," she said, her eyes growing wide with fear. "Jungle of misery?" Kate mused, frowning. "Jungle of _mystery. _Okay, Allie. Take me to daddy," I said, trying to mask the fear that was tightening in my throat. We walked quickly, Allie practically running in front of me, and Kate close behind. Allie was very direction-oriented, even at four years, and took me expertly back to where she had left Jack. I stopped dead in my tracks, almost jerking Allie backwards in my abruptness. "Mommy, what's wrong?" Allie asked innocently, gazing up at me with large blue eyes. My chest relaxed as my eyes narrowed across the beach at Jack, who was talking animatedly to Sawyer, leaning up against the tree near our tent. "What is your problem? Are you crazy! You nearly gave me a heart attack, sending Allie to me with that _cryptic_ message," I said, punching him on the arm. I knew it probably didn't even hurt him. I could hear Sawyer smirking behind me, but before I whirled on him, Kate was already there. "And you, telling that poor child that her dad isn't coming back? Are you _deranged_!" she fussed. Sawyer's face dropped, and he rolled his eyes. "You women…are ya'll PMSing at the same time or what?" he moaned, shaking his hair out of his eyes. "Sarah, I want to show you something. Come with me?" he asked, reaching out his hand. I glared at him, but grudgingly took his hand, taking Allie's in my other. "Mommy, what's PMSing?" she asked, traipsing along happily beside me. "You and your big mouth…" I heard Kate mumble to Sawyer.

Jack kept a firm grip on my hand as we walked through the jungle, helping me around some of the rougher parts. The huge grin on his face looked positively engrained, and though I continually asked why, I got no response. "We're here," he said, almost a little too happy to be out in the middle of the jungle. "And where's _here_ exactly?" I asked, looking around. We walked a little farther, and I could hear the rumbling of water. "Jack?" "Mommy?" Allie and I both voiced at the same time. "You told me you wanted Allie to have a normal life. So, you get it. Or a piece of it anyway," he said, waving his hand to the water. I frowned, not seeing whatever it was. "Jeez, Sarah. Are you just missin' the damn swing near the water?" Sawyer voiced, clearly impatient with my searching. My eyes moved swiftly to where he'd waved, and I saw it. I nearly cried. "Jack…" I whispered, trying to find my voice amid the tightness of my throat. "It's a…a water swing," he said softly. "I thought she could swing, or they could make it into a jump-off point into the water." I felt my heart melt as I stared at Jack's face, patiently waiting for my response to his creation. "You helped him with this?" Kate asked a smirking Sawyer. "Hell yeah. You think that Dear Saint Jack could have done this by himself?" he asked. "Watch the language," Kate said, crouching down in front of Allie, "Sweetie, that's a bad word. Don't repeat things that Uncle Sawyer says." Allie nodded swiftly. "Bad word…got it." My eyes were glued on Jack's face, still searching mine for what I thought. "You are…I love you," I said, throwing my arms around Jack's neck, showering him with kisses. I felt tears slide down my cheeks, and I wiped them away before pulling back. "Daddy, what's a swing?" Allie asked, staring perplexedly at the swing. "Come on, baby. I'll show you," he said, picking up the little girl and leading her off.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	39. Sandwhich Talk

**Title: Unfixable**

**Dislaimer: I don't own LOST... Somebody else does... I just like to play with their characters... And their dialogue...**

**Note: This is my first ever fanfic... Please be gentle!**

**Also... thanks for the kind reviews... the more you review, the faster I post new stuff...**

**Sorry it's been a while… But I'm Up to Speed Again**

I heard Jack before I saw him, but even through the silence of the secluded part of the beach, I knew he was coming. "Where's Allie?" I asked, not looking up from the mound of sand on the skirts of the jungle. "With Claire. She was helping her and Sun in the garden…whatever help a four-year old can give them," he finished, coming to stand close to me. I nodded, feeling Jack's hand rest on my arm. "You okay?" I bit my lip, finally tearing my gaze away from the grave. "Yeah. I'm fine. I just…I like to come out here. I feel…I don't know…close to him," I said, my eyes sweeping to Christian's tiny cross poking through the sand. "You miss him," Jack said, though I knew he knew the answer. "Yeah. I'm not sad anymore, I just…wish he was here. Allie should have had the chance to meet her brother." Jack squeezed my hand. "Sarah, she still can. I think she's old enough to understand what this is. Who he was. She's sharp, and she's very perceptive," Jack said, his voice warm. "She's too young, Jack. You should know that," I argued, picking up my bottle of water and turning to leave. "Sarah, I think you're wrong on this one. Allie deserves to know who he was." Jack moved to walk beside me, taking my hand in his. "She's a baby," I said, shaking my head, "She doesn't need that kind of baggage." "Sarah! Can you come help me with something?" Kate yelled from down the beach. I waved, turning quickly to Jack, catching him by the arm. "Look, I know you want to do this. I just really think that…I think it's better for her to wait. Okay?" I said, rising on my tip toes and dropping a kiss on his lips before joining Kate.

Standing underneath the tree Kate was precariously climbing, I stole a glance at Sawyer, who was trying to look unconcerned as he leaned against the base. "Damn woman. If you fall, don't expect nothin' from me. I told you not to climb up there," he yelled, letting his hair fall forward in his face. I heard Kate laugh, and Sawyer scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. "Unbelievable!" he murmured, along with a string of expletives. "How's the kid?" he asked, turning his gaze to me. I smiled, nodding. "She's good. She's…she's a lot like Jack," I said, grinning roguishly. "For Christ's sake…that's just what we need around here-another Shephard with a hero complex." Suddenly, a mango whizzed down between the two of us, nearly missing Sawyer's head. "Hey! Watch it up there, Freckles! I don't mind kicking your ass if you're aimin' for me," he yelled. I heard Kate laugh again, then called back down, "I bet you would…pervert." She fell quiet, and her silence made me nervous. "Kate? You okay up there?" I yelled, searching the trees for her. "Wow…I can see everything from right here…the beach, the caves, the hatch…" "Kate, come down!" I called, catching Sawyer's impatience. "Sarah, I can see Jack and Allie!" Kate squealed, almost like a kid. Sawyer rolled his eyes, crossing his arms across his broad chest. "Huh…and what are they doing?" I asked, just to play along. "Uhm…they're…walking down the beach, almost to the treeline, away from the camp," she responded. I felt my body tense as what Kate relayed sunk in. "Damn him!" I murmured, grabbing my backpack from the ground. "What the hell…?" Sawyer barked, staring at me. "Jack's taking Allie to Christian's grave," I seethed before storming off toward the beach.

By the time I made it to the sand, I was fuming. But before I could open my mouth to start my tirade on Jack, he held up his hand, silencing me. Diverting my gaze to our daughter, he held a finger to his lips and pointed to her. I noticed his eyes were rimmed with a watery stare, so I kept quiet and watched Allie. She was crouched next to the cross, holding what looked like a sandwich in her tiny hands. "Hey Christian. You probably already know who I am, but I just wanted to talk to you. Daddy says that you were really tiny when you were born, and you went up to heaven. I hope it's really pretty up there-and that there are lots of animals that you can pet and stuff…Oh, yeah, I brought you a sandwich, just in case, you know, you get hungry in heaven. It's peanut butter and jelly. Daddy and Mr. Locke helped me make it. I like peanut butter and jelly. So, I'll just leave this here," she said, placing the sandwich carefully on the ground. "Well, I know daddy's waiting, so I've gotta go. Bye Christian! I'll talk to you later!" she said, waving as she rose. When Jack finally looked over at me, I was crying so hard, I could barely catch my breath. Sniffing, I whirled on my heels and headed back to the beach, the tears blinding my vision.

"Sarah? Sarah, stop and talk to me," Jack called from behind me. I stopped, the tears coming so hard, I couldn't see or breathe. "Sarah, I know you're upset…" Jack started, but I shook my head. "You…Did you hear the things she said to him? Jack…I just, can't handle this right now…I asked…" Jack held up his hand. "Did you see what I saw? Allie just talked to her dead brother! You can't tell me that she didn't handle that better than anybody could have! Sarah, you can't protect her all the time!" Jack said, his voice rising at the end. "Yes, I can. Jack, I am her mother. I'll protect her from the world if I have to. She doesn't deserve all the baggage I've learned to carry around all my life!" I screamed, my eyes icy. "Oh, so this is about you now? Sarah, she can't live in a bubble, where she doesn't get hurt, or learn to deal with life. She has to grow up. And you have to let her," Jack said, his voice low. "Yeah, this coming from the kid whose dad threw him to the sharks and drowned himself in alcohol," I spat, immediately regretting the words that came out of my mouth. Jack looked at me like he'd been run over by a bus. "I'm just trying to be a good father, Sarah. A better father than mine ever was," he said, even and obviously hurt. After a moment, he shrugged. "I'm going to find Allie. I left her with Sawyer and Kate," Jack said, so quiet it was barely understandable. I watched him walk away, and for the first time that day, I knew that he was absolutely, 100 right.

**Please R and R! Please! Please! Please!**


	40. But All Endings are Also Beginnings

**Okay, okay…here it is…the long awaited finale! Thank you to JauntyChick for your encouragement to finish! I just needed the push…so this is for you! Thanks to everyone who read this, stuck with me through the whole ordeal! I love you all! So, without any further ado…here it is! Enjoy! You know the deal, I'm not gonna stick it in here for this one…I don't own LOST or any of it's characters, except Allie- she's mine…yada yada yada…**

FLASHBACK

Sitting at the dining room table, I couldn't bring myself to look up at my parents. The room was stifled in a tense, thick silence-you could literally feel my father's anger vibrating across the table. And what was worse, he was drunk. I could smell it, and I knew my mom could to. "Sarah, this is unacceptable!" my father roared, slamming both fists on the table. I cringed, but gathered up some nerve and boldly kept eating the over-priced food my mother insisted we have. I knew he was going to react this way. But, I hadn't figured in that he could possibly be drunk when he found out. "Jonathan…" my mother started, but he slammed his fist down again, shutting my mother up quickly. "Damn it, Clea! Our daughter just told you that she was getting married, to a dirt-poor, construction worker! He's low-class! What the hell are you doing, trying to stick up for her?" I stiffened, thinking of Kevin. _Glad I chose not to bring him to this family dinner._ "What do you have to say for yourself?" he asked smartly. I shook my head, fighting the urge to rise from the table. "I don't have anything to say. I'm getting married, dad. I'm old enough to make these decisions on my own; I was just letting you know," I said, my voice cool and iced. My father jerked up from the table so fast, I barely registered it. "You have no idea…you're making the biggest mistake ever, marrying some poor, lowlife…" "Stop it!" I screamed, shoving back away from the table, meeting my dad's stance. "You don't even know him! How can you say…" "Because those type of people work underneath me! I spit on those kinds of people!" My temper flared, the anger welling up inside me and bubbling over with rage. "Damn it, daddy! Can't you just be happy for me, instead of bitching to me about how many mistakes I'm going to make…?" My father raised his hand, winding back like he was going to hit me. I braced myself for the hit, but he dropped it inches away from my face. "Get out," he growled, pointing to the door.

END FLASHBACK

Leaning my head against a tree, I silently berated myself for everything I'd said to Jack. _Like I'd had a great childhood too. I mean, my dad was a pompous drunk, and my mom was so out of it most of the time, she didn't know which way was up. And I stand there, telling him that he doesn't know how to raise a kid because of the way his dad was. _Sighing, I stared out at the ocean, relatively calm for the time of day. The beach was mostly deserted, with the exception of Claire and Charlie; but that wasn't surprising. It was dinner time; I was sure Locke had cooked some boar or something. Jack had gone and gotten Allie earlier that afternoon, and I hadn't seen either of them since. Shaking my head, I tried to clear my head of Jack right now. I let my mind drift back to Kevin, which, not surprisingly, led to thoughts of Jack. "Way to go, Sarah. You definitely screwed this one up," I mumbled, running my fingers through my long hair. "Mommy!" Allie's bobbing voice broke my guilt trip, and I glanced up to see the small girl racing to where I was. A little further back, stood Jack, his eyes glued on his daughter. Pushing myself to my feet, I caught Allie in a hug. "Hey baby," I said softly, dropping a kiss on her cheek. "Mommy, Aunt Kate and I buried Uncle Sawyer in the sand." Her eyes glinted proudly, and right then, I saw so much Jack in her. "Very cool, babe. Very cool. So, you think you and Aaron could go see if you could talk Uncle Charlie into letting you bury him?" I asked. She nodded vigorously, already running down the beach, yelling for Aaron. I watched her go, a smile creeping up on my face, then turned my attention to Jack. "You know…" I said, taking a few steps closer to him, but Jack held a hand up. "Don't, Sarah," he interrupted, heading back off towards Allie.

"Okay," I said softly, swallowing the tight lump that had formed in my throat, constricting my breath and voice, "I can do this." _I can't do this. _Taking a few steps closer, I knelt quietly down next to the small cross marking Christian's grave. Tears flooded my eyes, blurring my vision, and this time, I just let them fall. Reaching out with hesitant fingers, the tips brushed the softly filed wood of the cross. "Hey," I whispered, my voice cracking, "You know, I'm not even sure if you can hear me…I…I'm sorry, Christian. But I want you to know…I just wanted to tell you- I love you. I will always love you. So does daddy. And Allie- she thinks it's so cool to have a big brother; someone that she can come talk to. And, somehow…I know you'll hear her," I sobbed, allowing the bottled up tears to overflow. I felt a hand on my back, and I jerked up to see Jack kneeling beside me, his arms already working their way around my shoulders. "I'm sorry, Sarah…" I shook my head, unable to form words. "I know," Jack stated, and I felt like he did, truly did. "We're gonna be alright. We're all gonna be alright." Snaking an arm away from me, he held up a finger, telling me to wait. His back turned to me as he dug through his bag, then lifted a bottle of water from it. "Just in case the peanut butter gets stuck to the roof of your mouth, little man," he said, placing the bottle carefully down next to the sandwich. I smiled, looking up at Jack's kind, warm eyes, a little red-stained from a few silent tears. "That's good…watching out for him. You're a good dad," I said quietly as Jack helped me to my feet. Jack nodded, both of us taking one last look before heading back to the beach, to Allie. "He's gotta watch out for us, for Allie…and peanut butter can't be a distraction," he said with a grin as we walked, together, forward to our little future, burying one of her Uncles on the beach, our past surely somewhere, watching with PB&J and a bottle of water…but all of us, together.

FIN

**Please R and R! Please, please, please! **


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